Alpha And Omega

© Sweet Kisses™

~*~

The day in which Nick and Kevin had to spend alone together had finally been arranged. Actually, it had only taken the doctor just one day to persuade their manager to let them have a day off, and reluctantly their manager had agreed and now they had the day to themselves. And though neither of them had actually admitted it, they were both very much in anticipation of what the day might hold for them. But they both hoped in vain that it would somehow bring them closer together, that it would somehow make them value their friendship, and that it would somehow reaffirm to one another just how special and deep their friendship was. And in the process, maybe work on the possibility of working out Kevin’s inability to love Nick again.

But he did love Nick, he knew that. He had loved Nick since, well, forever, it seemed, and what really struck him as strange was what made him love Nick in the first place. Sure, it was for a few physical reasons, but usually Kevin always looked beyond physical appearance when he got to know someone, to really work out just what kind of a person they were underneath everything. So maybe it was because Nick understood him, and valued him as much as he had shown since he’d come out of hospital.

But a nagging voice said to him: but it shouldn’t have taken you almost killing yourself for him to start being nicer to you. Kevin didn’t want to believe that, so he just decided then and there to not even give it a moment’s thought. All he would think about was trying to concentrate on himself getting better, and concentrate on getting his friendship with Nick back to what it was, and simultaneously finding out whether or not there was still something to save between them.

Doctor Koontz had made a lot of sense, and had given Kevin some things to really think about. It wasn’t just the fact that he had problems loving Nick. He loved Nick. He knew that. But it was just the circumstances in which they found themselves loving each other which was the main problem. It was just too painful how they fell in love, and the fact that Nick had forgiven him after everything just had to be a stroke of luck.

He didn’t think that loving Nick was a bad thing, and he was beginning to believe what Doctor Koontz had told him. It would simply be natural for the two of them to fall in love. It wasn’t like he was missing out on anything when he was with Nick, because he remembered feeling so many times that he gained even more feeling and love from Nick than he ever had from a woman. He remembered thinking how amazing it was that another man like Nick could make him feel more things than a woman could.

But maybe it wasn’t weird.

Maybe it was heaven.

"Race you to the water!"

Kevin snapped out of his reverie and saw Nick heading towards the water at lightning and scrambled to his feet and ran as fast as he could, quickly catching up to Nick and joining him at the water’s edge, staring out into the horizon and the gentle rolling waves of the ocean. The sun was already up in the cloudless blue sky and gleaming its overwhelming yellow rays across the deserted beach, which really struck them both as unusual, but it wasn’t as though they minded at any chance. Matter of fact, they both loved the idea of the beach all to themselves. It gave them a sense of seclusion, privacy, and gave them the opportunity to do whatever they wanted, should the possibility arise at any given point.

"Beautiful, huh?" Nick said, smiling softly.

Kevin nodded. "Yeah."

Suddenly, Nick turned to Kevin and grinned. "Watch this."

Kevin watched Nick charge into the water and dive straight under the waves. A small smile played at Kevin’s lips, eagerly awaiting Nick to resurface and demand that he go in along with him. He waited. He waited for several moments, only seeing the rustling waves and the whitewash.

Come on, Nick.

And still, there was no Nick. Kevin frowned, taking a few steps forward, wondering if he should go in after him, just to make sure that Nick was okay. He couldn’t see him against the waves. His heart began to race.

Come on, Nick, what the hell is taking you so long?

And still, Nick refused to surface. There was nothing but the waves of the ocean and the sun in his eyes, but no people around him or in the water, and definitely no Nick.

What if he’s drowned? What if he can’t breathe? What if he’s dying out there? What if he’s dead? I’ll never want to live, and he’d never know how I truly feel about him. God, Nick, I love you. I love you more than anything, and if you show your face I’ll do what you want me to, as many times as you want or need me to, just don’t die on me, not yet...

Kevin charged into the water, jumping over the small, cool waves until he was in thigh deep and he surveyed the clear water around him. "NICK!" he yelled. "NICK!" And still there was nothing, and suddenly, he felt like crying and he felt like his heart was breaking. "NICK!" he yelled again. "Come on, Nicky, don’t do this to me! Don’t leave me! Don’t die!"

Suddenly, he felt a hand around his ankle and was instantly pulled underneath the strong tow of the water, the water rushing over him as he tried to fight the current and come back up to the surface. He felt a hand clutching his own as he swam back up and finally saw the light of the sun, finally breathing again and was greeted with Nick’s cheeky smile. "Did I scare you?"

"Fucking hell, Nick!" Kevin cried, splashing water into Nick’s eyes in disgust. "Do you know how scared I was? I thought I was going to lose you!" And before he knew it, he was crying. "I thought I was going to lose you, I thought you were going to die! I thought you were dead, and I wouldn’t want to live if that happened and you never knew how I felt about you! I just couldn’t live without you, Nick!"

Nick stared at Kevin with wide eyes and an open mouth in disbelief. He hadn’t seen Kevin cry like this, really well and truly break down. Well, except for that time in the shower, but then he wasn’t crying, he was just screaming. But now, Kevin seemed like a little boy crying because he lost his favourite toy.

"Kevin, I’m sorry," he said softly, treading water to push away a tendril of Kevin’s dark wet hair away from his eyes. "I didn’t mean to scare you." He tenderly wiped a small tear away from Kevin’s cheek. "How do you feel about me, Kevin? Tell me, I need to know."

Kevin sniffed away more tears. "I couldn’t live without you and I love you, more than anything, more than I used to, and so much." His eyes fluttered shut. "God, Nicky, I love you more than life."

Nick stared at Kevin for several moments, his mouth open in horror at Kevin’s words, just staring blankly at him, not really knowing what to say. "Come on," he said in a choked voice, slinging an arm around Kevin’s shoulders. "Let’s get out of here."

Soon they were laying down on towels against the sand, the sun warming them both quickly. Nick turned on his side and allowed his eyes to trail slowly over Kevin’s body, finding him nicely glistening in the sunlight. A nice, warm feeling ran through Nick’s body as he stared at Kevin, loving just every little thing about him. He noticed Kevin’s wrists and sat up.

"You got these wet," he said softly, touching the bandages on Kevin’s wrists delicately so as not to hurt him.

Kevin opened his eyes and shrugged. "Salt water’s good for wounds, right?"

"Luckily for you," Nick said and held a bandage in his hand, "I think ahead."

Kevin arched an eyebrow. "Do you now?"

Nick mock-pouted. "It kills me you doubt me," he said softly and took hold of Kevin’s left wrist, carefully beginning to untie the soaked bandage, unravelling it slowly. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt Kevin. He looked up into Kevin’s eyes. "That hurt?"

Kevin bit down on his lower lip. "No," he whispered.

Nick tenderly wrapped a clean white bandage around Kevin’s left wrist, trying not to see the healing cuts still there and wanting to cry from it. He wrapped Kevin’s lower arm with the bandage with gentle ease and fastening it securely, looking up into Kevin’s eyes again, that were somewhat dilated. "Did I hurt you?"

Kevin frowned lightly. "Just kind of stings a little."

Nick chuckled softly. "Let me make it better," he said and placed his thumb down on the inside of Kevin’s left wrist and delicately rubbed the area that had been cut. "That feel better?"

All Kevin could do was nod. Just that little touch was enough to make his insides weak, proving to him, once again, that he truly loved Nick. "Sort of."

Nick raised his eyebrows curiously then lifted Kevin’s wrist to his lips, gently pressing soft kisses in a few different places on Kevin’s wrist, his eyes intent on Kevin’s, his heart swelling when he saw the helpless expression in Kevin’s eyes. He carefully placed Kevin’s wrist down. "Better now?"

Kevin nodded again. "Yes."

Nick leaned forward and brushed a few strands of Kevin’s hair away from his forehead and gently pressed more kisses there, his fingers instinctively placing themselves through Kevin’s and entwining themselves there like snakes. He then leaned even closer to Kevin so that their noses were gently touching, staring deeply into Kevin’s wide eyes.

"I love you," he whispered and finally pressed his lips down on Kevin’s, not really caring about consequence, but rather what he needed. When he said those three words, he felt Kevin tense against him, but then instantly relax, and that made him relax. It wasn’t really a kiss, when he thought about it, just their lips softly pressing together, not moving against each other, but just pressing together in a sweet and innocent kind of way.

Kevin stared at Nick in wonderment, with wide eyes, his fingertips brushing over Nick’s, his other hand slowly and softly tracing circles on the small of Nick’s back before he pulled Nick down onto the sand with him and wrapped an arm around his back. Nick nestled into Kevin’s side and placed his head down on the position of Kevin’s heart, and together, in the bright yellow sunshine, they both fell asleep.

~**~

The day had finally come to an end and they both had to admit that they were both happy. They both seemed happy, just being with each other was enough to make them happy. They both knew it. It was just like before, nothing had changed, they were still bound together, and whether that was because of love or just because of an emotional tie, they didn't know, but they knew that the best thing in the world was being together. They had both realised that, and more than a few times they had caught each other staring at each other with just a hint of wonderment in each other's eyes and a tiny smile on each other's face. They both knew it, and they couldn't deny it. There was still something between them that just couldn't be avoided or ruined or changed, no matter what happened, even death.

They still loved each other.

No matter what they did to avoid it, no matter what they did to deny it, it was inevitable. They just couldn't stop themselves from what they felt. It was like their hearts had a mind of their own and were just linked for eternity. And maybe that wasn't entirely a bad thing, and after everything they had been through, it wouldn't be a bad thing for them to still be in love with each other.

And so what if they loved each other? It was necessarily a bad thing and after all the bad things that they had been doing to each other and had been through, they both deserved some happiness in their life, to give them some sort of hope, some sort of reassurance that everything was going to be all right, that it might take a while for things to be normal again and that the healing process would be a long one, but eventually, they'd soon forget that anything bad had happened to them, for they'd be happy with each other, more happier than they'd ever been in their lives...

Kevin opened the door to his room and stood aside, allowing Nick to walk inside first. He made eye contact with Nick for a moment, their eyes meeting, just staring for a moment, until Kevin looked away and Nick strolled through the doorway. As he did, Kevin caught a tiny breeze of his scent and inhaled it in slowly, almost becoming intoxicated by it. So many emotions and so many feelings ran through him in a flurry, he thought his body was about to explode from delight. He then exhaled slowly to calm himself and closed the door softly behind him. When he turned around, he found Nick staring out the glass doors to the skyline, complete with million of twinkling bright yellow lights below.

"Something wrong?" Kevin asked, moving closer to Nick and staring out the glass. "You haven't said much for a while."

Nick turned his head and stared at Kevin's profile for a moment, loving the sharpness of his features and the newly acquired tan that had deepened his skin, which had come from spending time out in the sun. Not too long ago, Kevin's skin had been pasty and pale, but now it was the complete opposite and his eyes had even regained the twinkle in them that was once there so long ago and more than just once he had caught Kevin smiling at the little small things in life, like children, the sun setting, the sun shining and Nick just felt the overwhelming need to just fall into Kevin's embrace and stay there for eternity, the only place in the whole world he wanted to be right then...

Nick shrugged. "Weren't you the one that tried to teach me that silence was a virtue?"

Kevin chuckled. "True."

Nick fell silent for several moments, just watching the city below fly by him, his stomach twisting into nervous knots and butterflies swimming in the pit of his abdomen. It had been a long time since he had felt nervous around Kevin, and now with the opportunity of being alone with him, which he had thought he had wanted for so long, now seemed nerve-racking. He wasn't sure how to go about what he wanted to say, or how to phrase it, but he needed Kevin and he could no longer forget the kiss they shared on the beach that day, which only reaffirmed to him how much he loved and needed Kevin, and now he wanted more than just a kiss.

He wanted Kevin, in every single way, in his whole entirety. Surely Kevin knew that. Surely Kevin just had to know that from the way that Nick had latched onto him the whole day, how Nick had kissed him, how Nick had made several attempts to hold Kevin's hand, but eventually lost his nerve and found innocent comfort in simply brushing his fingers over Kevin's occasionally, still wondering if the whole thing was real, because it seemed like it wasn't. A nice fantasy. That was Kevin. Maybe. Just a nice fantasy.

Or was he?

Nick sighed. "I can't do this anymore."

Kevin frowned. "Do what? Do you mean...?"

Nick turned to face Kevin, his eyes becoming wide with just a hint of sadness in them. He tried to hide the desperation in his voice, but he knew that it was impossible and, anyway, Kevin would be able to sense it, he knew Nick that well. "I can't do this anymore," he repeated. "I can't keep pretending that I don't feel anything for you anymore, because I do! Everything that you do, everything that you say, makes me want you and you even said that too, but you're doing nothing but leading me on! I told you I was sorry, and I meant it with all my heart, but if you're going to just play with me like that, then I can't - "

Kevin placed his index finger over Nick's lips to silence him and stared straight down into Nick's surprised eyes, who had been totally unprepared for such an action. "Shhh," he whispered. "You talk too much."

Nick's lower lip trembled underneath Kevin's fingertip. "Kevin?" he murmured. "What...?"

Kevin slowly lowered his finger from Nick's lips, deliberately taking his time and dragging the tip of his finger alluringly over Nick's lips. He then stepped forward and reached up to run his fingers through Nick's hair. "What do you want from me, Nick? What do you need?"

Nick whimpered softly, his heart starting to crumble once again. "You," he cried softly "I need you."

A small, almost faint small appeared on Kevin's face and he leaned forward to brush his lips over Nick's forehead. "Then if you need me, would you take off your clothes?"

Tears filled Nick's eyes. "What?"

Kevin's eyes widened with almost childish innocence and a certain amount of sincerity was lurking in the blue-green depths of them. "Please, Nicky, please."

Nick was totally floored by the desperation in his voice and quickly tried to shake out the trembling in his fingers to lift his shirt over his head and drop his pants to the floor. He felt slightly embarrassed from the way that Kevin's eyes trailed over his body, but it certainly hadn't been the first time, so he'd just have to keep reminding himself of that and he'd get past the uncomfortable feeling in his abdomen. He watched with wide eyes and a hint of pleasure when Kevin stepped out of his pants and lifted his shirt over his head, leaving them both standing there in their boxer shorts and staring at each other as though it would kill one another to look away.

"Why, Kevin?" Nick whispered.

"I want to sleep with you," Kevin replied softly.

Nick's mouth fell open. "You...you-you want to-to...sleep with me?"

Kevin shook his head. "Not that kind of sleep, just...sleeping. You know, closing our eyes, dreaming, that kind of sleeping."

Nick nodded slowly. "Oh."

Before they knew it, they both found themselves wrapped tightly together in a blanket, laying side by side, but extremely close together, all their limbs tangled together, almost as though they were trying to be a part of each other. When Nick glanced over at Kevin, he saw Kevin's eyes closed, so he moved slightly and pressed his lips against Kevin's and when he pulled away, he saw Kevin's eyes fluttering open in surprise.

"I love you."

Kevin glided his arms slowly around Nick's waist and pulled him tighter against his chest and placed his head down on Nick's shoulder, pressing just one gentle kiss there. "I love you, too."

"But why?" Nick yawned softly. "Why do you always hold me? Don't I give you any comfort?"

Kevin closed his eyes and chuckled. "Yes, you do, Nick. Lots," he whispered. "But if you put your arms around me, we can hold each other."

Nick immediately turned on his side and wrapped his arms around Kevin's waist, his lips just inches away from Kevin's and so, impulsive as he was and before he lost his nerve, he quickly pressed his lips down on Kevin's again and made more of an attempt to kiss him, not even caring about the tiny surprised cry that left Kevin's lips as he did, but continuing to kiss Kevin with everything he had.

Soon, he felt Kevin responding and not just to his kiss, but to his caress of Kevin's back, for Kevin began to return the same caress soon after and they could both no longer deny that they both felt in heaven at that moment and Nick knew that Kevin couldn't deny him of what he wanted of him, of what he needed of him, and that would happen, soon, when the time was right and everything was perfect again.

"Nicky," Kevin whispered, closing his eyes once again, his voice tired and wavering. "I love you, and I do want you. I do. I do. I really do." His eyes remained closed and, to Nick's surprise, his lower lip began to quiver. "Just don't leave me again. Don't hurt me again. I just want to be happy. With you. And be with you, and hold you, and kiss you, and sleep with you, just like you want me to..."

Nick smiled softly and settled his head down on the place of Kevin's heart and quickly fell asleep, dreaming of times that they once shared, and would very soon share once again.

When everything was perfect.

And in his dreams, they always were.

~***~