Alpha And Omega

© Sweet Kisses™

~*~

It was the sun streaming in through the curtains in the early hours of the morning that had awoken Nick first. His eyes fluttered open sleepily and when he finally registered everything around him, he became aware of the fact that Kevin was sleeping next to him, deep in a slumber, a peaceful expression on his face, an almost angelic faint smile on his lips. He also became aware of how Kevin had his body wrapped around him, how close he was to him, and how he could hear Kevin’s deep and even breathing. Another thing he was also aware of was how close his lips were to Kevin’s, and how easy and nice it would be to just move a few small inches and make that connection, for it seemed like the most natural of things for him to do now. He wanted to, for he felt happy, safe and secure – a feeling he hadn’t felt in a long time.

Instead of moving at all, Nick just stared at Kevin sleeping and listened to his breathing, a sound coming from him that was almost hypnotic but strangely serene. He just couldn’t explain it. But then he began to remember everything and what he saw of Kevin became magnified. The silkiness of his hair, how much he just loved to twist the dark tresses around his fingers and how much he liked to run his fingers through it. The color of his eyes, when they would open, which would be like the dark depths of the ocean and just like he was in the ocean, he’d feel himself drowning. The softness of his lips, how much he loved the gentle kisses they shared and how sweet and fulfilling they seemed. The sound of his voice, how smooth and delicate it sounded through his ears. And his arms, how safe and secure he felt in them and never wanted to leave, not for anything in the world...

Overcome with many emotions, Nick closed the small gap between them and pressed his lips down on Kevin’s gently, just tenderly placing his lips against Kevin’s. That was, until Kevin could feel the kiss and suddenly woke up with a start. With that, Nick then pressed his lips down more firmly onto Kevin’s, ignoring the small surprised cry that escaped Kevin’s lips. Nick found himself revelling in the sensation of Kevin’s body relaxing against him, melting into his, like it had so many times before...

He loved it, he really loved it. It felt so perfect, so right, so real, that he could hardly believe that it had taken him so long to experience all that again. But finally he had and now he felt like the most fulfilled and complete person in the whole world. Just having Kevin beside him, next to him, hearing him breathe, touching him, kissing him, loving him, seemed exactly like Kevin had said. Beautiful.

Kevin pulled away and placed his head down on Nick’s shoulder, his lips pressing soft kisses there. “Your skin is so soft,” he murmured, pressing more kisses in the same place again, his lips dragging themselves across Nick's skin with slow, careful progress. "I could just kiss you here forever..."

Nick sighed happily, contentedly and snuggled closer into Kevin, wrapping his whole body around Kevin's while Kevin kissed him. He was just perfectly happy to be silent, to close his eyes and listen to the soft sound and delicate feel of Kevin's kisses. Nick moved even closer into Kevin, allowing Kevin to hold him against his chest by wrapping his arms around Nick's waist and securing him there firmly.

"Kevin..."

Kevin let go of Nick at his waist and ran his hands slowly up Nick's bare back, sending shivers down Nick's spine and tangled his fingers through his blonde hair. "Uh-huh," he whispered, kissing softly at Nick's neck, gently covering his throat with his lips and tongue.

Nick's eyes fluttered shut again. "Nothing," he said quietly. "Just wanted to see if you were real. I thought that maybe I was dreaming."

Kevin chuckled softly. "No, Nicky, you're not dreaming," he murmured, tenderly kissing Nick's jaw bone. "I'd say you'd know that you weren't dreaming after last night."

Nick let out a tiny, involuntary cry at the unexpected feel of Kevin's leg suddenly slipping between both of his and Kevin beginning to softly massage the inside of his thigh with his hand. "No, I'm not. God, I'm not..."

Kevin chuckled softly again, intently watching the contorted expression on Nick's face. "You're so easy."

Nick reached down quickly and grabbed Kevin's hand, entwining both of them with his own. "I love you, Kevin," he whispered. "I really do."

Kevin smiled lightly, his eyes closing momentarily. "Ditto, baby," he whispered back. "Ditto."

"You know what?"

"What?" Kevin asked, kissing the tip of Nick's nose.

Nick's eyes lit up with hope, with happiness and with anticipation. "This makes us a couple, you know." He suddenly paused, staring longingly into Kevin's eyes. "That scare you?"

Kevin shook his head, kissing Nick lightly. "No, it doesn't," he replied, cupping Nick's face with both of his hands and staring straight down into Nick's soul. "I want this, Nick. I really do. I want us to be a couple. I want us to do everything that all couples do. I don't want us to be apart anymore, or hurt each other or hate each other. I want us to be happy. Be happy together. I want you with me all the time. All day, every day. I want you to be there with me, because you give me a reason to be alive. To stay alive. To want to be alive. To be happy. You made me realize that I deserve to be happy, despite everything..."

Nick tried several times to reply, but all that came out was a small, dry squeak. He blinked several times and cleared his throat, exhaling shakily. "Do you know how long I've been waiting to hear that?"

"Forever," Kevin whispered and kissed Nick once again before letting him go and getting out of bed, grabbing Nick's clothes and throwing them over Nick's head. "Come on, lazy, get dressed."

Nick laid down and spread his arms out across the bed, sighing blissfully once again. "I just want to stay here and never leave. It's too perfect and nice in here, I don't want to leave. Please don't make me leave..."

Kevin raised his eyebrows. "Would you leave if it meant joining me for the morning sun, just like normal couples would do?"

Nick rolled his eyes and jumped out of bed reluctantly, throwing on a shirt and shorts quickly before quickly dashing into the bathroom. When he entered the bathroom, he caught sight of his expression in the mirror. His hair was a tousled but cute blonde mess, his eyes were a little sleepy looking, but there was a distinct happy gleam shining in them and a small smile at his lips, and an overall happy glow radiating from within his body.

He liked the look of this person, it was the happiest he'd looked in a long time, and he loved it. He knew that Kevin had the same look on his face, the happiness radiating from him. He liked, loved, the fact that it was Kevin who had made him that way, and that it was him who had made Kevin that way. They just made each other happy, it was simple. Plain and simple. He let out a small, soft laugh and splashed water on his face before quickly drying away the water and joining Kevin out on the deck.

Nick fell into a wooden deck chair, staring out at the sun rising and the breaking of a new day with awe. "Wow, that is so beautiful," he breathed, reaching across to the small table for his cup and taking a small sip of the hot, velvet-like liquid that tasted perfect. He shook his head. "You know me too well."

Kevin turned to Nick with a serious expression, his eyes impassive as his placed his cup down on the table. "Nick, there's something I have to tell you."

Nick's eyes widened. "Uh-oh, this doesn't sound too good," he quipped with a chuckle.

Kevin turned back to the horizon and narrowed his eyes from the gleam of the sun, sighing mournfully. "Nick, I'm so sorry, but..." he whispered, trailing off. He swallowed nervously. "I can't do this."

Nick set his cup down on the table and turned in his chair to face Kevin, all colour leaving his face. "Excuse me?"

Kevin shrugged helplessly. "I can't do this. I thought that maybe I could, but I can't." His eyes were wide, somewhat pleading with Nick for understanding. "Nick, you know what I said before. Honestly, who were we fooling? Nobody but ourselves. We were fooling each other, thinking that maybe we could still love each other after everything, maybe even become something real and solid after everything but....you know, it just can't work. Love just doesn't work that way. You know that as well as I do."

He slowly stood up and patted Nick's lowered head. "I'm sorry."

Nick looked up with tears in his eyes to watch Kevin slowly closing the door behind him. As the door shut, his tears rushed down his face. How could this happen to him again? Not once, but twice? And even after everything that had happened? "Please, Kevin, take me with you. Don't leave. We can work it out. We can. Please...." he whispered tearfully, his chest tightening and his breathing hoarse and stagnant.

He needed to breathe. Just a breath was all that he needed. Maybe he was beginning to hyperventilate. This just couldn't happen twice, not after everything that had happened. He stood up and staggered through the room, leaning against a wall and gasping for breath. This just couldn't happen, not after everything Kevin had said and promised and had done with him. This just couldn't happen. Nick gasped for breath, more tears running down his face. It was almost as though his windpipes were closing over, he was just struggling so much to breathe...

And then the door opened again and Kevin's face appeared, a mischievous gleam in his eyes and a small, evil smirk on his face. "And that's for pretending you had drowned," he said, opening the door and stepping inside, leaning back against it after closing it and crossing his arms against his chest. A tiny laugh escaped through his lips. "Gotcha."

A strangled, almost high-pitched cry left Nick's throat and he pushed away from the wall, sending himself sailing to the floor, clutching his knees to his chest and rocking back and forth, tears running down his face. "You..." he sobbed.

Kevin immediately felt a pang of guilt and rushed to Nick, sitting in front of him and caressing his face and wiping away his tears. "Nick, it was just a joke. I'm sorry," he said regretfully. "I'm sorry, Nicky, please stop crying. It was just a joke. I love you, Nick, I love you and I'm here. I'm sorry I did that, just please stop crying."

"That wasn't a joke, Kevin!" Nick cried. "That was cruel!"

"So was you drowning, Nick," Kevin reasoned, taking Nick in his arms and pulling him into his lap, clutching him tightly at the waist. "When I thought you had drowned, I just knew my life was over. I just thought I couldn't keep on living without you and if you died without knowing how I felt about you..."

Nick held onto Kevin for dear life, wrapping his arms around Kevin's neck and his legs around Kevin's back, burying his head in Kevin's neck. "I'm glad you're here..." he murmured.

Kevin gently ran his fingers through Nick's hair. "Nick, can I ask you something?"

Nick nodded. "Uh-huh."

Kevin bit down on his lower lip. "Who were they? You know, the men who-who...who hurt me. Who were they?" When Nick pulled his head away and stared at Kevin, Kevin added, "I want to know. Who were they?"

Nick's eyes were a watery blue. "Please, Kevin, don't make me do this..."

"Tell me, Nick, who were they?" Kevin repeated more forcefully.

Nick sighed and placed his head down on Kevin's shoulder. "They were just...hired men. It was their first, well, you know and I made sure that they were clean. I had them tested and everything, so that you wouldn't get sick or contract anything from them. They were clean, I made sure. But didn't you go to a hospital or anything?"

Kevin shook his head, his eyes once again impassive. "No," he whispered, looking away but still holding onto Nick tightly. "I didn't want anyone to know what had happened to me. Did you go after I...you know...?"

Nick also shook his head. "I was just like you. I didn't want anyone to find out. But..." His eyes fluttered shut. "It hurt. It hurt so much. Every time I tried to walk or move or dance or anything, it was like a lightning bolt of pain, shooting through my whole body. And I-I-I..."

"What?" Kevin asked softly, his eyes filling with tears at the recount of Nick's story. "You what?"

Nick's face contorted with the memory of the pain he had been through and his lower lip quivered. "I remember bleeding," he whispered, exhaling softly. "And so I just tried to stop it with...and it just wouldn't stop and then just when I thought it might've healed, you did it again, never really giving me the chance to heal and recover properly...

Tears ran down Kevin's face at the sight of Nick's and what he had done to him. He had been so cruel, so mean, so evil, it just seemed like the person Nick was speaking of was another person. It just didn't sound like the Kevin Richardson he knew of. "I'm sorry, Nicky," he whispered back in a choked voice, leaning forward and kissing away Nick's tears. "I'm sorry I caused you so much pain. But..." He cleared his throat to rid it of the lump that was forming. "But what did you do after I had first...you know..."

Nick shook his head. "Say it, Kevin," he said softly. "Saying it makes you admit it. Not saying it is like you trying to pretend that it didn't happen."

"I wish it didn't."

"But it did and you can't change that," Nick replied. "So say it. Please. Just say it."

Kevin  took a deep breath. "What did you do after the first time I-I-I raped you?"

Nick kept his eyes on Kevin as he spoke, completely and utterly wanting him to hear everything. "Well, when you had finished, you disappeared into the shower and I was just...there. I felt dead. I felt like I wasn't alive. I felt like - " He paused and shrugged. "I felt like you had killed a small part of me."

Kevin let out a small cry. "Oh, Nick, I'm sorry..."

Nick, however, continued. "I tried to get out of there as quickly as possible, so I wouldn't have to face you and see you. And you know, after that I tried to apologize but I just couldn't. I didn't want to face you again. You made me scared of you. You made me fear for my life. You were so much stronger than me. And when I was alone, after it happened, I was in the shower and I was crying and...and...I saw the blood...in the water...and all I did was cry, and cry, and cry and cry..."

He paused again and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to hold back tears. "Tell me, Kevin, what did you do after you were raped? Tell me how you felt."

Kevin, unlike Nick, couldn't hold back his tears. "I did what you did. I felt what you felt. It hurt. It hurt so much. I screamed for help and no one helped me. No one. And they just kept on forcing themselves on me and...they even thought it was funny when I screamed. I was in so much pain, just like you, Nicky, just like you..." He drew a shaky breath. "And the scars on your chest. They're from me, so how can you love me after what I've done? I've practically tried to kill you. Why do you love me?"

"Why do you love me?" Nick asked.

Kevin shrugged. "You know what I've been through. You know how I felt, what I've felt. You understand me better than anyone. You make me feel alive. You give me reason to live. I just...do. I just love you. I just do."

Nick brushed away Kevin's tears from his cheeks with the tips of his fingers. "And that's why I love you," he said quietly. "Because you know me and you understand me and what I've been through, like no one else. You make me want to be alive, you give me a reason to live. No one but you gives me that confidence." He took hold of Kevin's wrist and kissed it softly. "When you look at these, don't think of them as a reminder of something bad. Think of them as love scars. On your wrists are mine and on my chest are yours, and that ties us together. For life. Forever."

Kevin could hardly speak. He felt so overcome with emotion that he wanted to keep on crying and so he did. He let the tears run freely down his cheeks, softly streaking and wetting his cheeks with salty water, his heart pounding in his chest. "I love you."

Nick stared into Kevin's eyes, his own eyes suddenly widening and lighting up with surprise and happiness. "Kevin," he said in amazement. "It's you. It really is you. You're back!"

Kevin bit down on his lower lip again and nodded. "Yeah, Nicky, I'm back. And I'm glad it's you who found me again."

Nick let out an excited, loud laugh and tackled Kevin to the ground, covering Kevin's face with soft kisses. "And now that I've found you, I'm never letting you out of my sight again. Ever."

Kevin sighed with happiness. "Good."

~**~

"You two look happy," A.J. observed. "Is there a reason for that?"

Nick and Kevin shared a look of understanding. There was a reason for that. Obviously. No one couldn't be aware of the happiness twinkling in both their eyes or the suppressed smiles on their faces or the fluttering in their hearts. They couldn't ignore that, and neither one was about to. They both had thought that it would be a good idea to talk over everything with the remaining three men, to get their opinions and seek their advice and, if need be, approval. Approval was really what they were seeking. They couldn't deny that, either. They just didn't want their friends to hate them for what they had become, not after everything that they had been through. They had been through enough already, they didn't need anymore pressure or hurt or pain on themselves. They just wanted to be happy.

That was all they wanted, all they ever wanted.

Nick nodded. "I guess so." He paused for dramatic effect. "What would you say if I told you that Kevin and I decided to be together?"

Howie frowned and leaned forward. "Even after, you know, everything?"

Kevin wrapped an arm around Nick's shoulders. "Even after everything."

Howie shrugged helplessly. "What do you want us to say?"

"Did you want us to throw up or yell or scream or something?" Brian contributed.

A.J. sighed exasperatingly. "They just want your opinion. I, for one, think it's a great thing that you two finally look happy." He nodded approvingly. "About time, too, might I add."

Kevin smiled. "I know, and thank you."

Howie cleared his throat. "I'm sorry to break all the happiness, which you are entitled to, don't get me wrong. But do you realize that it's not going to be all good times? You do realize that you'll go through tough things still. They'll never end, you know."

A.J. widened his eyes. "But I think that they'll be strong enough to cope. Don't you think so?" he added, giving Brian and Howie a meaningful look.

Kevin sighed. He knew that they'd get a mixed reaction. And he also knew that it wasn't going to be easy. But the main point was that they were willing to try, and were going to give it a try and try with their hardest to make it work, and after everything that they had been through, he couldn't imagine anything disturbing him. Not ever again. "We understand that, and we want to try. But we want to know what you think. So?"

Brian stared at the two of them sitting across from them on their own couch and narrowed his eyes slightly. Two of his best friends. Together. Well...wasn't every day that those things happened but...he was simply too tired and drained after everything that he couldn't be bothered putting up a fight or objecting.

"It's going to be weird. Strange. Very strange. I mean, I don't know how I'll deal with this and I'm sorry I can't give you my definite answer now, but it's not something I can just deal with in an instant."

"I know," Nick replied, finding a whole lot of truth in Brian's words. He understood, he understood completely. After all, it had taken him a long time to realize that he had been in love with Kevin. That in itself had taken a whole lot of time. "It's hard on all of us, but as long as you're willing to try..."

"I'll think we'll make it," Kevin finished for him, giving Nick a tiny smile. "If you can support us and we have that, we're sure to succeed." He leaned forward, his eyes pleading with his three friends. "Please, tell us you'll try. That's all we're asking."

A.J. clapped his hands together. "You have my support, and I'm glad you two are finally at peace with everything. It's good to see."

Howie looked from A.J. to Brian and then to Nick and Kevin. These were his friends. He couldn't just give up on his friends. Who did that? And what kind of a friend could he call himself if he just gave up on his friends, especially Nick and Kevin who were almost at the brink of killing themselves, when the going got tough? He wouldn't call himself a friend. He'd call himself an enemy. And right now, he knew as well as anybody that these two men deserved friendship, not enemies or hatred. He slowly let out his breath.

"I'm with Brian. I stand firmly to support you, because you two are my friends and you deserve to be happy, but it's like Brian says. I can't tell you how I'll react. Just give me time. That's all I can say."

A.J. sat forward in his seat, a question eagerly wanting to be asked. He wasn't very sure how to go about asking, but he thought he just might as well say it and that was the fashion that they expected from him, to just blurt out whatever it was that he was thinking. And so, he did. "Have you really found happiness with each other? This isn't just going to be a momentary thing? You two aren't going to revert back to what you were?"

"And I want to know, to be assured," Brian added, "that we're not going to wake up tomorrow and find you two out in the hall, screaming at each other and beating one another to a bloody pulp and find that even the slightest bit of friendship that was salvaged is ruined and it suddenly becomes the end of us. Promise us that. Can you?"

Nick looked down at Kevin's fingers that were gently touching his own, as though they were reassuring him that, no, it would never ever happen again, not as long as they lived. And if ever something bad did happen to them, they would collectively join together to build a solid wall of friendship, love and support and defy whatever was tying to destroy them. After everything, there was nothing that could hurt them. It was almost as though they were invincible. Nothing could touch them, nothing could hurt him. Not now, and not ever. Never again.

"I can promise you all now that that will never happen again. And if something does come along to hurt us, we've had the experience to get through it and defy it. Not through fighting fire with fire, or an eye for an eye, but with you all. All of you. With your friendship and support. If you'll give it to us."

"I told you I would try," Howie said softly, looking down at the carpet. "That's the best I can do."

A.J. cleared his throat. "Aside from all that," he interrupted quickly, "do you two really love each other? Love each other? You're truly going to be a couple?"

Kevin nodded. "Truly."

Nick leaned closer to Kevin and wrinkled his nose. "Isn't that just mad?" he murmured into Kevin's neck.

Kevin laughed softly. "The maddest."

Brian suddenly looked skeptical. "Is this what we're going to have to put up with?"

"Brian," A.J. warned sternly.

Brian held up his hands. "Sorry, sorry." He shook his head at Nick and Kevin. "I guess I can't stop you, can I?"

Kevin turned to Nick and pressed a gentle kiss against his forehead. "Nothing will ever stop us."

~***~