Alpha And Omega

© Sweet Kisses™

~*~

Kevin sat in Dr Koontz's office exactly three months after his last visit and sat back comfortably in the leather chair that he knew so well, in the office that he knew so well, staring at the face of the doctor that was staring back at him. Life had been pretty good to him. It was finally doing what he wanted it to: letting him live happily. It was finally letting him live his life the way he wanted to, how he wanted to, whatever and whenever he wanted to. And the best thing of all was that he was finally comfortable within himself and with his relationship with Nick.

That had been the best thing of all. The fact that he was able to love Nick and not feel any bad feelings or regret or disgust about himself or think that him loving Nick was a bad thing. He had finally come to terms with the fact that he was who he was, and he couldn't change that. Matter of fact, he loved who he was now. He was loved, he was needed, by his friends, his family, and by Nick, and he was finally cherishing life, in a way that he had never before. And it truly felt liberating, like he was a prisoner finding out that he was about to be released.

Sometimes it felt too good to be true.

His relationship with Nick was exactly what he imagined it to be. It was certainly a wonderful and intriguing experience and life for him. Every little new thing that he found about Nick, whether it be the little things that Nick did without realizing it, the looks he'd give Kevin without realizing it, the things he liked, the things he loved, it was truly making him aware of how much he thought he knew Nick, but really didn't until he got to know Nick on an intimate level. Each day to Kevin was like a new discovery when Nick was concerned.

He loved to find things about Nick that he didn't know. Where he liked to be touched, how he liked to be held, everything. Sometimes he didn't know whether or not he was really alive, because now he felt like he was in heaven. He felt like everything was perfect. He felt like everything around him wasn't real. But one look at Nick told him that everything was real and life really was perfect. Finally. Every day that he'd wake up with Nick by his side or with Nick in his arms or with Nick cuddled close to him, he knew that he just had to be in heaven. Every day was like heaven on Earth.

Dr Koontz gave him a bright smile and slipped easily into her leather chair. "So, Kevin, it's been three months and you look better than ever. You must feel very proud."

Kevin couldn't help but smile. "I do. I feel very proud, not wanting to be conceited or anything." He laughed softly and held up his wrists. "No more bandages, either."

Dr Koontz remained smiling. "You must feel like a liberated man." She nodded approvingly. "I'm very proud of you, Kevin. You're a strong person. Never forget that."

"Thank you," Kevin said quietly.

"Okay," Dr Koontz breathed, opening her clinical notes from their pervious sessions and scanning it quickly. "Last time you were here we talked about you deciding on whether or not you wanted a relationship with Nick. Did you make a decision on that?"

Kevin nodded. "Yes, I did." When he saw the doctor's curious expression, he added, "and I decided that I did. I decided that I wanted a relationship with him."

"And did he accept?"

Kevin began to wonder about what he would've done if Nick hadn't accepted, because he was just too late in deciding, because he had left his decision for too long, because he simply couldn't stand waiting for Kevin to make the decision. He wondered what would've become of him had Nick turned him away that night, instead of accepting him. He knew that he wouldn't be as happy as he was, but he knew that he'd survive.

After all, he'd been through a hell of a lot up to this point. If Nick hadn't accepted, he would've smiled, nodded and left him alone, forever. He'd begin a new life as a single man with a heart that belonged to someone who didn't return the love. But from somewhere, he knew he'd find the strength to continue without him if he had to, especially after the hell of a year he'd been through...

"Yes," Kevin replied. "He accepted."

"That must've made you a very happy man, indeed. Tell me. What has become of your relationship? How are you finding being together with him every day, day and night, all the time? How do you feel about it all?"

How did he feel? Kevin felt great. Matter of fact, he felt the best he had ever felt in his entire life. But somehow he knew that he owed that all to Nick and how much he needed and loved him.

"Well, we decided to live together," Kevin began, "just to see how we would cope with that. So far it's gone very smoothly. Each day feels like I've been reborn. I know that sounds stupid, but it really does. I feel like every day is a brand new beginning for me. And because Nick is there, it's also like a new discovery because each day I'm learning more about him and how he works and how he is just being him, things that I never knew before. Things that make loving him all worth it."

Dr Koontz raised her eyebrows. "You sound like a man in love."

Kevin fought back a loud laugh at how she made loving Nick sound. A man in love. And that's what he really was, underneath everything. Aside from everything, aside from him loving another man, aside from that making him a homosexual, aside from the fact that some people didn't truly accept all that with ease, he was just simply a man in love. "I am. Simple as that."

"And what nature has your relationship turned into with the two of you living together?" Dr Koontz enquired lightly, her face not even registering an emotion.

Kevin lowered his head slightly. "Uh..."

Dr Koontz gave him a stern look. "Kevin, remember what I've told you. There's no judging here. There's nothing to be ashamed of."

Kevin blushed and felt heat rushing to warm his face. "Well, we've been....it's sexual."

"The reason why I'm asking you is whether or not you have problems with that, bearing in mind what each of you have gone through in those scenarios," the doctor explained. "if you don't, then that's great. I'm glad you've found some happiness with someone you love. All people should be that lucky." She paused and scanned over her notes quickly. "Now, because you've had problems with that in the past, I'm going to ask you something intimate, so just to warn you. Do you feel disgust within yourself, inside yourself, because of what you do with Nick? Do you think that somehow, in some way, it's wrong you having a sexual relationship with Nick? How does that make you feel?"

Kevin shrugged. "He makes me feel perfect," he said in a soft voice. "Nick makes me feel perfect. He...he loves me in such a way that I feel so full of so many emotions that I don't know how to show. I think I'll either just come apart or cry if I don't, or even if I do. He says to me, over and over again, 'I love you, Kevin, and I need you' and he just...he kisses me and he holds me and makes me believe him, in his own gentle way. When he says he loves me, something inside me just snaps and makes me want to prove to him, over and over again, that I love him, too, that I need him as much as he needs me. I just want to...stay that way with him forever, with him beside me, next to me, surrounding me, and me with him..."

He snapped out of his reverie and blushed when he realised what he was saying. "Sorry."

Dr Koontz smiled comfortingly. "Don't be, it's perfectly okay. It sounds like the two of you are really in love, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. Which brings me to another point that. How are the dreams?"

All the times when he had woken up in the middle of the night screaming and sweating and gripping his pillow all came flooding back to him and he shuddered as a wave of anguish washed over him, just at the thought of remembering them. The only good thing that came of them was Nick, who was always there to comfort him and to reassure him that nothing would ever hurt him again. Ever.

"Still there," he said softly. "I still have them."

"Recurring dream?" Dr Koontz pressed gently.

Kevin nodded. "Yes," he said quietly. "It's the same one."

Dr Koontz nodded. "The only advice I can give you is that one day, they'll stop. The nightmares will stop. Once your mind and mental state has properly healed, they'll vanish soon after. I promise you that."

"But I'm emotionally and mentally stable," Kevin objected, frowning. "So can you tell me why this is still happening?"

Dr Koontz shrugged. "The mind works in weird ways, Kevin. While you may feel as though you're fine and stable, the mind has an agenda of its own. But keep that mentality about you. Keep telling yourself that you're going to be fine and that everything's fine and soon the mind will catch up. Then your nightmares will subside. But I'm glad to hear that Nick is there, too. You're very lucky, Kevin."

"Yeah," Kevin agreed, a smile appearing on his face. "it's the same with me. I would do anything for him."

Dr Koontz sat back in her chair and crossed her arms, a small smile also appearing on her face. "I have one last question for you, Kevin. Why are you here?"

Kevin faltered on a response. He thought he was in therapy to heal, to get better again, to deal with everything that he had been through. But it seemed as though he had helped himself. He had helped himself get through everything that he had been through. He had helped himself. "I don't know. Why am I here?"

"Exactly," Dr Koontz said and let out a tiny laugh, rising out of her chair. "Which brings me to say this to you. Congratulations, Kevin. You made it through. I can safely say that the healing process is now entirely up to you. I've done everything that I can. I'm proud of you, Kevin. I'm very proud. You've had a tough year, but you've shown your strength by making it through. And think of this: if ever you feel as though you're not strong, think of the year you've been through and how you managed to survive. That in itself shows how strong you are."

Kevin nodded, his eyes lighting up with realization "Yeah it does, doesn't it?"

Dr Koontz laughed. "Of course it does," she replied warmly, shaking his hand. "So, congratulations and I hope everything works out between you and Nick. If ever you have a problem with anything, you can always come back to see me, okay?"

Kevin nodded. "Okay."

"Remember, Kevin," Dr Koontz called as Kevin walked out of the office, "no fear."

Kevin turned around and smiled. "No fear."

~**~

Kevin stared up at the house before him, the lights of the house making it seem as though the whole place was alive and his heart warmed with happiness, knowing that inside the house was everything that he loved and needed, would ever love and need for the rest of his life. It held the adorable cream and beige kitten that both Nick and Kevin had chosen together as their "child", to make them seem like a real family.

Sometimes when Kevin saw a happy family in the street, an aching would always nag at his heart for he really did have paternal instincts. He always thought that at one point in his life, he wanted to fulfill those instincts and it wasn't something that easily went away or something that he could easily fight off. But then he'd look at Nick and remember that in order to love and be happy, a person had to make sacrifices. That was just his sacrifice of loving Nick. His own children. He would also remember, to make the pain just a little easier, that it would one day happen to Nick and they'd both go through it together and support each other.

Just like everything else they had been through, they'd be there for each other so the pain would go away and so they'd never fight alone.

Kevin walked up the driveway quickly and opened the front door, quickly walking through the house in which he now called "home". He hurried through the living room and into the kitchen, finding Nick heavily concentrating on a book in front of him, his eyes narrowed and focused on what he was reading. He held back a laugh and walked over to his side.

"Hey," he said, slipping an arm around Nick's waist, taking him by complete surprise.

Nick turned to him with bright blue eyes. "You're late," he scolded, tapping Kevin's arm affectionately. "You were supposed to help me. I'm lost here, you know."

Kevin rolled his eyes. "I know, I know," he said, kissing Nick briefly. "I'm always late for everything, you should be used to it by now."

Nick's eyes twinkled with merriment and he wrapped his arms around Kevin's neck. "Just another thing I hate about you," he joked softly and returned the kiss gently, enjoying the comfort of Kevin's embrace and kiss. When he pulled away, he said, "So, about this thing tonight..."

Kevin just stared at Nick with wide, attentive eyes as he watched Nick talking to him and suddenly he began to notice things about him that he hadn't before. Things that he never really took the time to notice. Like the sound of his voice, how it had a certain degree of sweetness about it. How Nick's blue eyes were wide and so expressive when he talked. How he made motions with his hands while he talked. How he would absently toy with something while he talked, whether it be the hem of his shirt or what he was holding at the point in time, which was a spoon. How soft his skin was and looked and how his lips were just like his skin, perfect and just made for him...

Acting on pure emotion and nothing else, Kevin grabbed hold of Nick, stopping him in mid-sentence with a long, lingering kiss, loving the fact that he had taken Nick by surprise and he could feel that when Nick's body tensed against his and then instantly relaxed, holding onto him tightly. "I love you," Kevin whispered.

Nick blinked and slowly exhaled. "Okay," was all he could manage to say.

"So," Kevin nodded in the direction of the counter. "Care to leave that and join me upstairs? Show me what else you hate about me?"

Nick let go of Kevin and pretended to yawn. "No, you don't interest me all that much," he replied with a devilish grin. "And besides," he added, checking his watch, "we have guests arriving in about, oh, ten or so minutes."

Kevin returned the devilish smile. "So? I can be done in less than ten."

Nick rolled his eyes. "Oh, please. I know you what you're like, so don't even try and fool me."

Kevin pretended to pout. "Fine."

Interrupting them both, they heard the distinctive and familiar sound of the doorbell resounding through the house. "I'll get it," Nick offered and began to walk out of the kitchen and stopped suddenly when he saw A.J. already walking through the house. "Or maybe not," he laughed, returning to Kevin's side again.

A.J. let out his loud, trademark laugh. "Greetings, greetings, greetings all," he called out, extending his arms open as though he were waiting for someone to run through them, a bottle of wine held tightly in a fist. "How are we this fine and freezing evening? And what is that?" he asked, peering over Kevin's shoulder at the stove.

Kevin looked down. "Dinner. Apparently."

A.J. nodded warily. "Right. Anyway," he said, extending the bottle in his hand, "I bought this. Thought it looked good enough for a celebration such as ours."

Kevin scanned the label and raised his eyebrows. "Not bad, not bad at all. So, where's your Siamese twin tonight? Or has there been a new breakthrough in the separation surgery?"

A.J. made a sarcastic face. "Funny," he remarked dryly. "But it just so happens that on the night that I need my so-called Siamese twin, she decides that she had to further her career. Can you believe it?"

"How horrible," Kevin remarked playfully.

"Hmph," Nick murmured absently, peering over at the book in front of him again. His head raised instantly when the sound of the doorbell wafted through the house again. "I'll get it," he yelled, running out of the kitchen quickly.

A.J. looked over his shoulder to see if Nick had fully disappeared and turned back to Kevin again, his face and voice serious. "Everything going okay between you two?"

Kevin nodded. "Just fine. Perfect, even."

A.J. patted Kevin's shoulder. "Good to hear. I'll just say, friend to friend, that you look good. You look happy. Real happy. I'm proud of you." He took Kevin by surprise by throwing his arms around him. "I'm proud of you, Kevin. You're one tough cookie, you know?"

Kevin patted A.J.'s back in true brother style and quickly let him go. "Don't make me cry," he whispered, hearing voices coming closer and closer to the kitchen. "Because if Nick sees me cry, he'll start crying. I tell you, that boy and his emotions..."

"Yeah, you've turned him into a sap because you baby him something chronic," A.J. whispered back, walking out of the kitchen with Kevin and greeting those who had arrived.

"Hey!" A.J. called out to Howie, patting him on the back. "I see you've brought along a lady friend," he added, referring to a friendly-looking brunette that was standing at Howie's side. "I'm A.J.," he said, shaking the brunette's hand, a wide smile on his face.

"Watch yourself with this player," Nick injected, much to the laughter of everyone. "He's taken."

The brunette laughed along. "I'm Christina," she said warmly, returning the shake. "Nice to meet you, A.J."

"Nice," Kevin commented to Howie and nodded in approval, watching Christina becoming acquainted with the others.

"Hey, watch it. You start hitting on Christy and I'll start hitting on your baby. Got it?"

Kevin took a step back. "Didn't know you were that way inclined."

"Never can tell."

"I guess I should watch it then."

Brian and Leighanne suddenly made their appearance out of nowhere, a full house of voices erupting through and filling the room as soon as they stepped into the circle of friends. After a round of hugs, Brian stepped back and watched how Nick immediately floated over to Kevin's side and stood close to him, and Kevin instantly slipped his arm around Nick's waist and a comfortable and content look passed across Nick's face.

He couldn't deny the happiness that he saw on the both of their faces when they both turned to each other and shared a loving smile. He couldn't help but watch with a small smile as Kevin leaned closer to Nick and whispered something into his ear, something that made Nick's smile widen. He couldn't deny that they were happy, that they needed each other, that they couldn't live without each other.

To prove that, when they were all seated, Brian tapped the side of his glass. "People! I propose a toast. To eternal friendship," he said, smiling in the direction of Kevin and Nick, "and love," he finished, smiling at his wife, who returned the smile.

"To eternal friendship and love!" they all chorused.

After several long hours filled with laughter, red wine, reminiscing and idle banter, the friends were long gone, leaving Kevin and Nick by themselves, seated together on the couch. "So," Kevin said softly, "how do you think it went?"

Nick smiled sleepily. "Good," he replied in the same soft voice, yawning lightly and leaning against Kevin, placing his head against Kevin's shoulder and closing his eyes. "Tired. Need sleep."

Kevin lifted him up off the couch and held onto him, walking toward the stairs. "Come on then, tired little baby, let's get you to bed," he said, helping Nick up the stairs and in the direction of their bedroom. He opened the door and led Nick through and as soon as Nick saw the bed, he tumbled straight onto it. "You and red wine don't mix."

Nick laughed into a pillow and sat up, throwing off his shirt and tossing it in Kevin's direction. "I'm not drunk. Just happy." He then proceeded to take off his pants and discarded them to the floor, laying back on the bed again. "You just going to stand there?"

Kevin quickly took off his clothes and joined Nick on the bed, turning out the light and pulling the blanket over them. "My happy little Nicky," he whispered, running his fingers through Nick's hair.

Nick sighed happily and snuggled closer to Kevin, placing his head on Kevin's chest and his arm across Kevin's stomach. "I love you," he whispered back. "Good night, Kevin."

Kevin smiled softly. "Sweet dreams, baby, and in the morning you'll wake with me by your side."

~***~