Kevin woke up with a headache. He'd had recurring dreams the night before of the kiss that Nick and himself had shared, and something happened to him that he didn't expect. In the dream he apologised, he cried, he wrapped his arms around Nick, and Nick responded in the same way. Then he did something to Nick that only his subconscious could make him do. He kissed Nick, tenderly at first but soon they felt all their rage and hatred melt into passion and almost immediately they had stripped each other of their clothes and were twisted in the white sheets of Kevin's bed, creating their own little world, carefully but passionately taking the time to explore each other's bodies and create a fire that continued to burn between them all night long. This seemed to go on forever, and no sooner did one fire start to fizzle out did another begin to ignite, with one simple kiss or one soft caress. If one cried out, the other would quiet him with a soothing kiss. It was magic, bliss and love all rolled into one.

But that was a dream, not reality.

Kevin threw back the covers and jumped out of bed with a despondent sigh. He stared down at his feet, then he held out his hands to see if he was still dreaming, and that maybe the hate that was so extreme between the two of them had disappeared. He flicked his fingers in the air before touching his forehead lightly. He sighed again. He wasn't dreaming, he was back in reality now, and the hate and fury would still be there, it always would be. Though he didn't want it to be there, there was nothing he could do to stop it. His body couldn't help itself from hating and hurting Nick as much as it did. But it wasn't just his fault, it was Nick's too. Nick was part of this, he was a huge part of it all, and it took two to tango.

He walked over to the door and opened it, making sure it was locked behind him and sauntered down the corridor to the elevator and made his way down to the breakfast room. He waited for the doors to open patiently. He wanted to go back to that dream. It seemed so real, so intense, so much like reality, and in the dream he loved the way Nick had made him feel and he loved the feeling of Nick's body screaming for his and desperately wanting to become a part of his. It felt so right, so good, so real that he never wanted to stop. He wanted to stay in that dream, in that bed, with Nick forever and ever.

You're really sick in the head, Richardson, he thought wryly. You're sickening yourself, and he's just a fucking little boy!

The doors opened and Kevin stepped in and soon he was on his way down to the ground floor. He turned around and stared at himself in the mirror. He looked terrible. His face was pale, his eyes were sunken, his expression sullen. He held up his wrists in eye's view and saw the scars visible again. They were a white and pink colouration and ran for inches down his arm. He traced one line with his pinkie and bit down on his lower lip. Suddenly, he thought about what was in his life to live for. Nothing. Not even music could soothe his bleeding soul.

Not even Nick could cure his heartache.

God, I'm so sorry, he thought sadly and touched the mirror with his hand. I'm sorry. I'll apologise. I'll beg and cry. I'll even quit the group if you make this pain go away. Please, God, I'm begging you. Make this pain go away!

He waited. He waited for God to fulfil his prayer. But he never did. A single tear trickled down his cheek. He was weak, he knew that, and it was plainly obvious by his half-hearted attempts to end his life. The cuts done by the blades were never deep enough for the amount of blood loss needed to make him die, the doctor's had said that. They simply called it a cry for help. A pitiful cry for help.

Yeah, that's me. Kevin Richardson. Backstreet Boy. Pitiful. Suicidal. Maniac. Lunatic. Weakling. Faggot.

The doors opened again and before he stepped out, he wiped the tear away and made his way down another corridor to where the other four men would be waiting. They'd be laughing. They'd be having fun. They'd be enjoying themselves. They'd be having a good old time. And all the while, Kevin was crumbling inside, having to watch all their happy and smiling faces, when all he wanted was someone to put their arms around him, listen to him, let him cry as much as he wanted, to soothe him. But they never did, and he never asked. Why? Because he was a man, and men simply didn't do that.

Kevin stopped at the breakfast room doors and peered in through the glass. Just like he had predicted, all four men were sitting at a table, drinking coffee and talking and laughing and looking like they were happy. Kevin's heart sunk to his feet and he lowered his head in despondency. Everyone else in the whole wide world was happy, why couldn't he be happy, even if it was just for a little while? Why couldn't he have something that could make him happy? Well, he did, for a while, but that was long gone.

Long, long gone.

With a small breath, he pushed the doors open and walked in slowly, carefully watching the four men's faces as he made his entrance. He saw first A.J., who raised his head and nodded with a small smile. That wasn't a bad sign. Then he became aware of Howie. Howie made eye contact with him for a moment, then looked away. Brian. He didn't even bother to raise his head or even make eye contact.

Kevin's heart sank to the floor once again and a tiny dull ache began in the pit of his stomach. And Nick. Well, Nick's blue eyes glazed over with fury and anger. As soon as Nick saw Kevin, he jumped up and threw a white napkin down on the table.

"Excuse me, breakfast has just been ruined," Nick said abruptly and turned away from the table.

"Nick, I - " Kevin began.

Nick whipped around, and the remaining three held their breath. "No, fuck you, asshole! I don't want to be anywhere near you." With that said, he pushed his chair back and walked quickly out of the breakfast room.

With silence all around them, Kevin sat down. He felt three pairs of eyes on him, but he couldn't meet them. He could only place his arms on the table and stare down at his hands. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I'm sorry for making everything so difficult and tense but..."

Brian sighed in agitation and stood up. "I don't really care what you say. But remember this, Kevin: if you don't get whatever it is between you and Nick sorted out, you'll be the death of all of us. Just keep that in mind, huh?" He then hurried out of the room. Howie simply shrugged, his dark Latin eyes impassive, and followed suit.

A.J.'s heart immediately went out to his friend as Kevin bowed his head in shame. He stood up and crossed the table to sit next to Kevin. He placed his hand on Kevin's shoulder. "Kevin, I know you're hurting, and I'm sorry."

Kevin slowly lifted his head up, his eyes filled with unshed tears, his heart slowly breaking into a million tiny pieces. "You are?" he whispered.

A.J. nodded. "I am. I don't know what's going on between the two of you, but I'd like to help. Tell me why you two hate each other so much. Please."

Kevin's lower lip trembled. No, he could never tell anyone why. That would be the final dagger into his heart, and the last thing he wanted to do was inflict more pain upon himself. No, he would never tell and his lips were sealed and his heart was locked. He shook his head, his voice quivering. "N-n-no."

A.J. grabbed Kevin's chin to turn Kevin's face to his and stared deep into his green eyes. "Why not?"

Kevin slapped his hand away. "Because you wouldn't understand!"

A.J. crossed his arms. "Try me."

"I'm sorry, I just...cant!" Kevin cried and jumped up and ran out of the room.

A.J. stared after him, his heart sad for Kevin. He shook his head in disbelief. "I want to help you, Kevin, but I can't help you unless you help yourself," he said softly and downed the rest of his coffee before walking out.

Kevin unlocked the door to his room with a gold key and walked into the dark room. He'd kept it dark, for sunshine didn't do for him what it did for most people. It didn't make him happy like it was supposed to. Nothing did anymore. He closed the door softly and turned around. He gasped. There, sitting on the couch, were two well-built men, with their arms crossed, wearing black. Kevin leaned back against the door to compose himself and stall for time.

Don't let them rattle you. Don't let them get to you. Play it cool, play it tough, play it safe. If you don't rattle them, they won't rattle you.

Kevin pushed himself away from the door and stepped a little closer to the two men. "How did you get in here?"

They both stood up, and to Kevin's dismay, they were taller than he was. "You Richardson?" one of the guys asked in a deep southern drawl, which was a lot like his own. "Are...you...Richardson?" he repeated, much louder than the first time, after Kevin failed to answer.

Kevin swallowed nervously, and they stepped closer to him. He then took a few steps back. "Depends on who wants to know."

The two men turned to each other for a moment, and suddenly ran at Kevin and tackled him to the floor. Out of the two men, there was one who talked, and one who did the job. The one who did the job pinned Kevin to the carpet and the one who talked stood over him. "Listen, Richardson. We hear you've been pissing some people off lately. Really pissing some people off. Well, we're here to let you know, once and for all, that you've finally pissed off the wrong person."

The two men then proceeded to commit an act against Kevin that a person could only  imagine in nightmares. Using rope to restrain Kevin and other objects which could surely be illegal, the two men violated Kevin's body, one at a time. Kevin tried to scream out for help, but all that he got in return was a gag made out of cloth and more pain. While tears ran down Kevin's face, the men seem to hurt him more as though that was their encouragement to continue.

More than once, Kevin wished he were dead.   

With a kiss on Kevin's forehead to end the horror, they both untied him and left.

Kevin curled up into a ball of pain and agony and wretchedly sobbed his heart out.

And the most cruel thing of all?

Was Nick, who had watched the whole thing through a tiny gap in the closet with a smile and stealthily crept out of the room while Kevin was crying.