Dangerous Minds

© Sweet Kisses™

~*~

A.J checked both ways for the coast to be clear, closed his bedroom door quietly behind him and raced for the stairs just before lights out. With a flashlight in hand and taking two steps at a time, he made his way up through the second floor, the third floor and finally came to the fourth. He stopped for a moment to catch his breath. After regaining his normal breathing rate, he looked over his shoulder before walking quietly down the long, bare corridor to Doctor Sheffield's office, shining the light right in front of him in case anything unexpected came jumping out.

His heart was racing and he checked over his shoulder again when he came to Doctor Sheffield's door. Coast was absolutely clear. Opening the door slowly and as noiselessly as possible, he carefully walked into her office. He turned on the small lamp the was sitting on her desk. Light filled the room. He turned off his flashlight and placed it down on the desk before taking a seat in her leather recliner and scanning the contents on top. He sifted through a few papers. Nothing to be alarmed about.

He sighed. This was getting him nowhere.

"Ahh, the tapes," he remembered and smacked his head for emphasis. He opened the fourth drawer and pulled out a random tape and walked over to where the TV and video was situated.

Grabbing the control, he sat back down and watched. The tape began to play and A.J held his breath, worried about what might be on it. Maybe Dr Sheffield doing something naughty. He chuckled. Howie would love that. He made himself more comfortable in the chair and concentrated on the tape.

But no, it wasn't Dr Sheffield. It was of him. Him sitting in his room, drinking his life away and smoking himself into hell. Or so Brian claimed. His eyes widened. "She's got us on surveillance!?" He sighed angrily and pulled out the tape and threw it back into the drawer in disgust. He stared at the others. He was intrigued as to what was on the others. Yes, he was very intrigued. Grabbing the tape sitting on the top, he stood up and began to play it before sitting back down again.

He gasped. "Holy shit!"

What he saw was, indeed, Nick and Kevin in the midst of what they called "making love."

A.J covered his eyes. "Oh God no...God no...God no..." He opened his eyes again and it was still there. He could see it, he could hear it. And it seemed as though Nick apparently loved whatever Kevin was doing to him, for his voice came through the loudest. "You've got to be fucking shittin' me! Howie was right!"

Covering his mouth to stop himself from dry retching, he took a few deep breaths to calm himself down and managed to stop the tape and placed it gingerly back in the drawer. He shook his head. "Man, this place is fucked up."

But, what he hadn't expected or counted on, was that, even though he found it extremely disgusting, he found himself just a little turned on.

~**~

"I'm pickin' up good vibrations, she's givin' me excitations..." Howie sung to himself as he made his way into the kitchen and sat down. "Do do do do do...good vibrations!" he yelled into A.J's ear as he sailed past him.

A.J winced. "Fuck Howie! Loud enough, you think?"

Howie shrugged. "Dunno. Wanna try a bit louder?"

A.J's eyes widened murderously. "Don't test me, nympho-boy," he said in a low voice.

"What's up your ass this morning?" Howie asked and placed his elbows on the counter. "As for me, I had the best dream ever last night. It was me and the Doc, on a secluded island...ooh it was magical. She made me a very happy man, indeed."

"Yeah," A.J murmured.

Kevin came staggering into the kitchen, his eyes still half-closed and his hair spiked in every direction. "Hey, all." He looked at Howie. "I see you've given Tigger and Winnie the day off."

Howie smiled. "They're in the wash. But don't worry, Piglet's making an appearance tomorrow."

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Can't wait." He sat down next to A.J and patted him just once on the shoulder. "Sleep all right?"

A.J gasped and pushed Kevin away. "Don't touch me!" he screamed.

"What's wrong?" Kevin asked with concern in his voice.

He hadn't slept at all the night before. He couldn't stop thinking about Nick, and how they used to go to sleep together and how they used to kiss each other good night and fall asleep in each other's arms. He didn't think it was possible that he could cry any more than he did last night, but he cried and cried. Then cried some more.

A.J jumped off his seat and scowled. "Don't fucking talk to me or touch me! You make me fucking sick, Kevin!"

"What the hell have I done?" Kevin asked, completely dumbfounded by A.J's words. "Tell me, A.J. What's the problem?"

"Just leave me the fuck alone and don't even look at me," A.J replied with his arms crossed against his chest and his eyes blazing. "Just don't even talk to me, 'cause I sure as hell don't want to talk to you."

Kevin's heart sank. Now not only was Nick not talking to him, but now A.J had a problem with him. Shit, could he do anything right? "Fine," he replied miserably.

Nick came strolling in with a smile on his face. "Watch this," he said and pointed to the door.

Suddenly, Brian came running through the kitchen, his eyes filled with horror. "Armageddon is coming! It's the end of the world! The end!" he screamed and ran back out.

As Howie and Nick doubled over with laughter, A.J glared at Nick. "Why did you do that for, fuckwit?"

Nick stopped laughing. "What?"

"I said," A.J seethed, stepping closer to Nick, "why the fuck did you torment Brian like that?"

"Who the hell cares?" Nick asked. "We all do it. You used to laugh, you used to be the one doing it all."

A.J slammed Nick into the wall. "If you don't fucking stop tormenting him, faggot, I'm gonna - "

Kevin grabbed A.J by the shirt and slammed him into the wall. His green eyes were on fire, and Howie stood back, his eyes wide. "Listen to me, Alexander," Kevin said in a low but fatherly tone, "I don't know what the hell your problem is, but I suggest you get over it. Pronto!"

The Doctor came rushing in. "What's going on in here!" she yelled. "Mr Richardson, you will release Mr McLean or else I'll confine you for twenty four hours! What's the meaning of all of this?"

"Them!" A.J screamed and pointed in the direction of Nick and Kevin. "It's them! They're fucking...fucking...fucking...!"

Doctor Sheffield spoke to A.J in a soft voice. "Mr McLean, I'll see you before lights out tonight. We'll have a talk."

They were all shocked by her words.

Kevin sniggered and began to walk out. "You're a joke, A.J," he called over his shoulder.

Howie shook his head at the Doctor's concerned expression, Nick slumped in his chair and A.J almost on the verge of tears. "What the hell is going on here?"

The Doctor had an answer. An answer she, and she alone, would ever know.

~***~

Nick walked back to his room, his heart sunken right to his feet and his mood no better than a cloudy and murky day. A.J's words had gone right to his heart and what he wanted to know was how A.J even found out to begin with. He sighed. Things were so complicated. So much so that he couldn't even think of something to work it all out. He was stumped. His mind thought of Kevin.

He missed Kevin the night before. He missed everything they did. Saying good night, giving each other one final kiss before falling asleep in each other's arms. He missed it all. He wasn't concerned about sex. He didn't care about it. Not with Kevin. All he wanted was the gentleness of Kevin's kisses and the comfort of his arms. That's all he wanted.

But everything had changed and like so many things, "once a crack head, always a crack head."

"Nick."

Nick gasped and turned around to find Kevin standing behind him. He needed a leash on himself. He so desperately wanted to throw himself into Kevin's arms. But he couldn't, he knew that now. Kevin was simply another junkie who was horny. "What do you want?" he snarled.

Kevin's eyes were wide. "I...I miss you, Nick," he said softly, his voice quivering. "I miss you so much."

God, I miss you, Kevin. I miss you and I love you...love you...love you..."Yeah, so what? Am I expected to care?"

Kevin's lower lip trembled from Nick's cruel words and he tried hard to fight back a river of tears. "Nick, I'm so sorry. Let me try and make it better. Please."

Nick crossed his arms defiantly. "Why should I?" he asked. He shook his head. "I don't want to hear this. It's all bullshit, Kevin."

"It's not!" Kevin objected, his heart now racing a million miles a second. "You have to believe me when - "

"Believe you when you say that you're clean when you tell me that you miss coke more than me?" Nick supplied. He laughed humourlessly. "Save it, crack head, not interested."

"So you're telling me you've never loved me?" Kevin asked, his face pale.

Nick considered this for a while. Let him go. Let him go and he'll be better. Let him go and he'll stop. The only way he'll really and truly stop is if you let him go. "Yeah, that's about right."

"I don't believe you," Kevin whispered and a single tear trickled down his face.

"Believe what you want," Nick said airly. He leaned closer to Kevin. "How could you tell if I was really enjoying it, anyway? I'm a good faker, Kevin. I had you believing it, didn't I?"

Kevin's mouth dropped open. Another tear ran down his face. "Don't hurt me, Nick," he pleaded in a helpless whisper. "Please don't hurt me. I'm already hurting."

"Times that by infinity and take it to the depths of forever and you haven't even begun to experience how I'm hurting, Kevin. Just leave me alone!" Nick yelled and slammed the door in his face.

Nick leaned against the inside of the door. "I'm sorry, Kevin. I'm so sorry. I love you."

Kevin leaned against the outside of the door. "I'm sorry, Nick. I'm so sorry. I love you."

~****~

Brian was on his knees to light the white candles the surrounded them all in a circle in "The Conference Room." He blew out the match. "Now, all join hands."

A.J took Brian's and Howie's hands in his own. "Man, I can't believe I'm going to do this," he murmured.

"Shush!" Brian commanded and began to play ancient Hindu music. "Now, repeat after me."

"This music sucks...the music sucks..." Howie chanted with a smile.

Brian lowered his head. "So cruel."

Nick looked at Kevin and Kevin looked at Nick. Kevin sighed and took Nick's hand, secretly loving the warmth and comfort of him. "Can we get this over and done with?"

"Yeah, someone's got a hot date with coke," Nick added in a sarcastic voice and looked away from Kevin, but feeling the warmth in his hand, too.

"Repeat after me," Brian said. "I am thy father's spirit..."

"I am thy father's spirit," they all chanted.

"I shall obey who shall commands," Brian said in a hushed voice and closed his eyes.

"I shall obey who shall commands."

"And if I shall walk alone..."

"And if I shall walk alone..."

"I shall never be, for the almighty is there, watching over me," Brian concluded.

"I shall never be, for the almighty is there, watching over me."

"Amen."

"Amen."

Howie opened his eyes. "Well, that certainly had an effect on me!"

A.J stood up and walked over into the corner, laid down and began to sleep.

"What the hell's his problem?" Nick asked, staring at A.J curled up in the corner. "He's been like that all day."

Brian got down on his knees and began to pray. "Dear God, keep A.J in your care, for he is..."

"Poor guy," Kevin said with a pang of sympathy. "Maybe he's sick."

"Maybe he's been drinking too much," Nick said with a scowl.

"Just leave him alone," Howie warned with a stern glance and continued to watch A.J curled up in the corner.

~*****~

She's mine...

She's going to be mine...

She will be mine...

Oh, yes, she will be mine.

I'm gonna go to her room. Knock on her door.

She'll open it. She'll be surprised.

I'll close the door. I'll push her down onto the bed.

I'll take off her clothes. She'll love me.

I'll tie her up. She'll love me.

I'll kiss her. She'll love me.

I'll touch her. She'll love me.

I'll make her plead. I'll make her beg. I'll make her cry. She'll love me.

I'll make love to her. She'll love me.

Over and over again.

She'll love me....she'll love me...she'll love me...

~*****~

"McLean, take a seat," the Doctor advised in an unusually soft voice. "Now, can you tell me what happened this morning?"

A.J sat down slowly. "It's nothing. Really, it's nothing."

Dr Sheffield raised her eyebrows. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

Dr Sheffield leaned forward in her chair. "Then tell me why Mr Richardson had you pinned against the wall."

A.J shrugged. "We had a fight. We always do. It's just that...that...that..."

Dr Sheffield watched with amazement as A.J began to cry. "Mr McLean," she said softly and patted him on the shoulder. He didn't look up. "Mr McLean." He still didn't look up. "Alexander."

He gasped and looked up with a tear-stained face. "You called me Alexander."

The doctor gave him a small smile. "That's your name, is it not?"

A.J's eyes widened. "Are you hitting on me?"

The doctor shook her head. "No, not in the slightest." She stared into his eyes. "I know what's wrong with you, Alexander. I know why you're like this. I know why you drink so much."

A.J narrowed his eyes and sat back in his chair. "Why?"

She, too, sat back in her chair. "Tell me something, Alexander. When did you first start liking men?"

"Excuse me?" A.J said in a strong voice. "Where the hell do you get off...?"

The doctor crossed her legs and stared into him with a resolute expression. "But I'm right, aren't I? You drink so much so you don't have to think about what you've become. And the reason why you are who you are is because you never had a father figure. You drink so much so you can escape being homosexual." She placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's nothing to be afraid of, Alexander. It's perfectly natural."

A.J pushed her hand away. "Fuck you, Sheffield!"

"You can scream obscenities at me all day, Alexander, but it's still not going to change the fact that you still have same-sex tendencies." She shrugged. "And that's nothing to be ashamed of. And that's why you despise Mr Richardson and Mr Carter, because they can freely express their feelings without holding disgust for themselves inside." She placed a hand on his knee. "Stop torturing yourself, Alexander, and accept the fact that you're homosexual. Free yourself from the pain and disgust that you hold against yourself."

Suddenly, to her surprise, he threw herself into her arms. "I'm so sorry!" he sobbed. "I didn't mean it...it just..."

"Happened," she supplied with a small smile of relief and patted him gently on the back.

~******~