Dangerous Minds

© Sweet Kisses™

~*~

Kevin reached out to touch Nick's face. "Are you sure?"

Nick nodded. "Yes, very sure."

Kevin pulled him closer and kissed him softly, as though he hadn't really kissed him. It wasn't until their tongues brushed together slowly did they fully realise what was going to happen. Kevin wrapped his arms around Nick's waist and placed him down on the bed. He gave Nick a small smile before pinning his arms down and kissing him again, this time more forcefully.

Nick fought to get his arms free, and he finally was successful. He tugged at the bottom of Kevin's shirt in a desire to pull it off, and Kevin lifted his arms into the air, feeling Nick's apparent need to get him unclothed.

Nick quickly turned Kevin on his back and began to kiss his chest. He held Kevin's hands in his own and revelled in the passion and the desire that he held for him. He moved down to the centre of Kevin's well-defined torso and placed millions of tiny kisses on him.

"Nick!"

Nick looked up and smiled, loving the intense rapture he was causing him so effortlessly. He could tell he was, from the way Kevin said his name, from the way he ran his fingers through his hair, from the way he did everything.

Nick took a deep breath and wriggled down to undo Kevin's dark-blue jeans. After undoing each button, Nick followed this with more kisses.

"Nick!"

More kissing. More touching. More running fingers through his hair. More shouting of names. More screaming - in general. But why was Kevin slapping his face? Why was he yelling his name as though he were annoyed, not pleasured?

What was going on?

"Nick, I've been calling you for the last ten minutes!" Kevin yelled. "Get your ass up or Dr Sheffield's going to explode!"

Nick sat up, and rubbed his eyes as Kevin frowned at him and walked out. He closed his eyes and covered his mouth with his hand.

It was all a dream.

~**~

Dr Sheffield, Kevin, A.J, Howie and Brian watched Nick as he stalked into the living room, a sullen expression on his face.

"Well, look who decided to show!" A.J exclaimed.

"Asshole," Nick murmured as he sat down, and Kevin turned to him with a suspicious look.

"Gentlemen," Dr Sheffield began," today you'll all be put into separate rooms to try and work out what you're feeling, what you're thinking, what you're needing, and what you think could help you in this situation."

Howie leaned forward. "I certainly know what would help me in this situation," he replied and gave the doctor an obnoxious wink.

"Oh Christ," Kevin said softly. "That was so not smooth."

"Please," Brian begged and looked at them all with helpless eyes. "You're all so blasphemous!"

"Hell, hell, hell, hell...!" A.J sang at the top of his lungs.

The rest of the guys laughed as Brian covered his ears.

"Gentlemen!" barked the doctor.

They were all instantly quiet as she eyed them all sternly. "I suggest you make your time alone into a diary. To record everything. We'll discuss this in the individual session, which will occur at night. After today, there will be no more sessions together, only individual ones."

"Thank God," Howie said and rubbed his hands together.

"However," she continued, "there'll be two individual sessions daily. So don't think that your efforts will be easier. If anything, it'll be much tougher."

Nick ran his fingers through his hair. "Do we have to?" he asked.

"Yes, you have to."

Kevin patted him on the shoulder. "It'll be all right," he said softly and their eyes locked.

A.J and Howie shared a 'see-what-I-mean?' glance, and the doctor watched them with narrowed eyes and scribbled down a few notes to bring up in the individual sessions.

"Gentlemen, don't see this as an obstacle, see this as a turning point. A step that can lead you to a better life."

"Do you mean heaven?" Brian asked.

Dr Sheffield shook her head. "No, I mean a rehabilitated life."

"Idiot," A.J said.

"Leave me alone!"

"A.J," Kevin interrupted, "Just let him be. Stop busting him about his problems. You've got some shockers too, you know."

A.J stared at him and let out a gasp. "Oh my god! It's amazing!" he exclaimed. "Kevin's actually with us today! Give him a clap, fellas, it takes real guts!"

Kevin glared at him. "Fuck you, A.J! I'm sick of your shit all the time! It's so - "

"Gentlemen! Do I have to remind you once again of how old you are and how old you're acting?"

"No," A.J murmured.

She looked at her watch. "In exactly one hour, you'll all be scattered across this large house for five hours. Alone. I suggest you go back to your rooms and compose yourselves. It's not going to be pretty."

"What can we take to occupy ourselves?" Howie asked, giving her another obnoxious wink.

She chose to ignore this. "Something to write with, and something to write on to record everything that goes through you. That is all."

"That's stupid!" Nick yelled.

"No more stupid than you," A.J replied.

The doctor sighed. "Gentlemen, go back to your rooms and get yourselves together. You're obviously out of sorts." She stood up. "I'll see you in an hour."

~***~

"You know what I hate?" A.J asked and threw himself down on his bed and placing his hands behind his head.

"What do you hate?" Howie asked, searching through his closet.

"This whole fucking place!"

Howie laughed. "Well, they certainly don't call you the poet for nothing, do they?"

"Here's something for ya," A.J announced. "A prick is a prick is a prick."

Howie smirked. "So eloquent."

"But of course." A.J twisted his head from side to side. "Man, I need a drink! Really, really badly."

"And I need to get off," Howie mused, looking down anxiously at his lap. 

A.J gasped. "No! Please! Save it for the ladies."

Howie laughed and sat down on the bed with a conspiratorial gleam in his eyes. "Just a little update on what we talked about the other night..."

A.J leaned closer and smiled. "Yeah?"

"Well, I think there might be something going on between Nick and Kevin. There's gotta be."

A.J's eyes widened. "Serious?"

"I seem to think that there might be. I mean, you saw the way they looked at each other when Kevin put his hand on Nick. There was definitely something between them. Like...chemistry. Electricity. Something."

A.J rolled his eyes. "Reality check, D. Kevin's zonked-out every minute of every day, so it's no wonder he looks strange. And Nick...well, enough said on that!"

Howie narrowed his eyes. "So you don't think there's anything between them?"

"Hell no!"

The door burst open and Brian sailed in, almost close to tears. "Who took my bible!?"

A.J and Howie shared a mischievous grin.

~****~

"Gotta stop thinking about that...gotta stop thinking about that..."

Nick murmured this to himself over and over again as he made his way into the bathroom, with his trusty blade in hand. All day he'd been thinking about that dream, and when he could enact upon that dream. It seemed so right, so real, like reality.

"Get over it, it was just a dream!"

A knock at the door, followed by Kevin's voice. "Nick?"

There was that tone again. One of frustration. One of perhaps agony? All he knew was that it was the same tone from his dream. That, and the fact that it totally turned him on. He took deep breaths. He had to calm down.

Feeling composed, he opened the door. "What's the matter? Can't I use the shitter in peace?"

Kevin crossed his arms. "Nick, you weren't using the toilet."

"Oh no?" Nick countered.

"No."

Nick sighed, feeling very defeated. "You're right, I wasn't."

"I knew you weren't."

"Kevin, can I ask you something?"

He nodded. "Sure, go ahead."

"Would you ever...umm...make out with a guy?"

Kevin was shocked. Of course, it was from a combination of two things. One, that damn good white powdery stuff and two, Nick's outlandish question. "I don't think so."

Nick persisted with this. "So...you wouldn't even consider making out with, say...me?"

Kevin blinked, trying to fight the rush of ecstasy that was passing through him and from Nick's next outlandish question. "You?"

"Yeah, me."

Kevin bit his lower lip. Then, out of the blue, he smiled. "Maybe."

~*****~

"Gentlemen," Dr Sheffield began, standing in front of the hallway that led down to the west wing, where all five guys would be scattered across. "Welcome to solitude."

"Gimme strength," Nick murmured.

"Gimme a quick fuck," Howie said softly.

"Gimme a bourbon," A.J contributed.

"Give me some attention," the doctor interrupted sternly.

Howie grinned and gave her a wink. A rather lecherous one. "You've always got my attention, Doc."

The doctor continued, unfazed by Howie's advances towards her. "I suspect you'll find these hours to yourselves quite nice. You'll be alone with your thoughts, and you'll be in tune with your body's every need and want."

"I know what I want," Howie announced, with a gleam in his eye.

Brian looked to the ceiling. "God, please forgive Howie. He knows not what he does!"

"Like hell I don't!" Howie retorted, a frown darkening his face.

Dr Sheffield sighed. "Gentlemen, enough is enough. Help is sitting before you, all you have to do is reach out for it."

"And what is it that we're reaching for?" Howie asked. "Something fun, I hope."

"She means reaching out for help," Kevin corrected. "God damn, D! Get some sense!"

"Get some more crack into your system, Kevy, you're acting normal again!" Howie contested.

"All right, let's remember that we're all adults and that it's perfectly all right to act our age occasionally. How would that be, gentlemen?" the doctor asked.

"Fine!" they chorused.

She nodded and looked down at her clipboard. "All right. Mr Richardson, you're in the last room on the right. Mr Littrell, you're in the first room on the left. Mr Carter, you're in the second last room on the right. Mr McLean, you're in the thirteenth room on the right. Mr Dorough, you're in the fifteenth room on the left."

They all looked at each, shrugging helplessly.

"Off you go, gentlemen. And remember, I'll be locking the doors so don't get any ideas about escaping," the doctor ordered. "When the time is up, I'll unlock the doors and commence the individual sessions immediately after." She gave a glimpse in Kevin's direction. "Starting with you, Mr Richardson."

Kevin frowned. "Me?"

"Yes, you." She cleared her throat and pointed down the hall. "No time like the present, gentlemen. Be on your way, and remember, do not try anything. I have my ways, I'll find out. One way or another."

"Ooh, I'm scared!" Howie exclaimed with a laugh and strolled down the hall with the rest of the guys.

~******~

Dear Diary,

I am feeling weird. I need something. I'm not sure what it is, but I know that I need it. I sit here, in the darkness, with a locked door in front of me, and yet I can't even begin to think. Silence can be louder than a million people screaming. It hurts the eardrums.

Why do I need it?

Because it brings me relief, and it washes away all my pain. Pain? Why do I have pain? What would I know about pain? Ha, I know plenty. It hurts my entire being and it hurts my heart and soul. What has made me this way has scarred me for life. I don't believe I'll ever be fully over it.

What scarred me for life, and turned me to that wonderful invention that's called liquor?

I have no idea.

Would it be safe to assume that I'm confused?

Yes.

Confused about everything.

I don't need this shit, Dr Sheffield!

~*******~

Hmm...dreaming away, dreaming away...

Lovely.

Musky scent. Warm. Inviting. Exotic.

Intoxicating.

There it is.

Time to control the hormones.

Give me time to breathe and I'll write later.

~********~

Dear God,

I know I am your son and I need your guidance. I am holy. I am pure. I am a puritan saint. A puritan saint. 

Do you hear me God? I know you do, I am your son, therefore you do hear and see everything that I do each day. I try hard to defend you when the others mock you and take your name in vain, and I'm trying my best, which is the most I can possibly do in thine eyes.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness.

Am I doing right in your eyes? I am, God? I am doing you proud? Me, your holy son? Your only son who can do you right, and make you proud? I know I am. Please, just get me out of here. I am not crazy, why didn't your guiding hand lead me away from this place?

Why, God?

~********~

Dr Sheffield took a video tape out of her briefcase. She was most concerned with just two of these gentlemen, the ones who attracted her attention the most. Not only because they seemed the most mixed up and confused with the others and themselves, but because she wanted to find out why they were resorting to each other's comfort.

Even Sigmund Freud couldn't explain it.

Sitting down in her chair, the doctor watched in amazement as Nick began to cry and Kevin wrapped his arms around him. "Reasonable reaction," she mused and scribbled down a few notes.

She looked up and her eyes widened when she saw Kevin turn Nick around, so that his back was against Kevin's chest. She held her breath as Kevin proceeded to massage Nick's shoulders.

She let out her breath and scribbled some more. "Issue: possible intimacy between Mr Carter and Mr Richardson now occurring." She glanced up and frowned. "Possibility of confusion with sexuality from Mr Carter's point of standing. Temptation from Mr Richardson."

She placed her pen down. "What is going on?" she murmured when she thought she saw Kevin kissing the back of Nick's neck. "Yet another twist." She picked up her pen. "Retraction: certainty of intimacy."

She stopped the video. Something had to be done about this. She considered herself a fairly open-minded female, she had to be, but she still wanted to get to the bottom of all this. It was certainly eating away at her.

And of course, them, as well.

~*********~

Friend in solitude.

I'm scared. Yes, I'm scared.

Scared because I want something that I know is wrong. Scared because I'm beginning to dream of having and wanting something that I know is utterly wrong. But, it makes me feel so complete and safe.

Is that wrong?

I have just one question: am I insane?

Wouldn't be surprised. After all, I am a self-proclaimed masochist. I get off on running for the razors.

Oh, yeah, and other things - which I can't have.

~**********~

"Why did you want to see me first?" Kevin asked the doctor, rubbing his eyes that were adjusting to the light of the living room.

She motioned for him to sit down, which he did, before talking. "Mr Richardson, I'm a fairly level-headed woman, and quite liberal in thinking." She leaned forward. "Is there anything you'd like to confess to? You have my assurance that whatever you tell me is in the strictest of confidence."

Kevin shook his head. "No," he whispered.

She scanned her book and came across the word 'Dad'. "Let's talk about your father for a moment."

Kevin gave her an icy glare. "Let's not."

Dr Sheffield sighed and looked down at her notes again. She tried to bring up another topic. "What's your relationship between you and the others?" She held her breath. "How about you and Mr Carter? You both seem very close."

Kevin's chiselled features clenched. She thought he was going to start screaming, but for some bizarre reason, he turned his head to the side. "Tell me something, Doctor. You ever get yourself off? You know, ever had any wild sexual fantasies?'

"Mr Richardson, that's none - "

"Of my fucking business!" he yelled. "You're damn right it's not! I love these guys like they're my younger brothers. Absolutely, with no equivocation."

She felt slightly beaten, but she tried another tactic. "Tell me, Mr Richardson," she began in a casual voice, "what do you see when you're high? What do you go through?"

Kevin shrugged. "I don't know. It's hard to explain."

"Anything weird? Disturbing? Like people, perhaps? I've read in a few medical publications that some see dead people," she said incidentally.

Kevin narrowed his eyes. "I don't see dead people. What do you think I am?"

She shook her head. "Mr Richardson, you don't need to be so uptight. There's no need to turn yourself away from those who try to help you. They have your best interests at heart. Honestly."

Kevin nodded, thinking of running back to his room and burying himself in his bed. "I know that, and I understand. But what I don't understand is why you keep acting like you don't care when really you do!"

She decided to get him off-guard. "Why do you keep acting like you don't care when really you do?"

Kevin frowned. "What?"

She leaned forward, talking with unusual kindness. "Mr Richardson, I'm not stupid. I'm not blind, either. I can see how you're the father-figure in this group, and that's respectable and quite commendable. However, there comes a time when the father-figure has to let go and let the children make their mistakes."

Kevin shook his head, distressed. "You've completely lost me."

"Stop pulling the reins around their necks," she said forcefully, stating the utter and blunt truth. "They're old enough to make their own decisions. They don't need you breathing down their necks all the time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not telling you to give up on them. I'm just advising that you allow yourself to stay on the side-lines from now on."

Kevin lower lip quivered. "How is that going to help me?" he asked in a whisper.

Dr Sheffield pursed her lips. "Trust me, Mr Richardson, if you try this for just one day, you'll find out immediately how it will help you. Just trust me."

~**********~

A.J stormed into his bedroom after being unlocked from his room in the west wing. "Fucking doctor and her fucking bullshit!" he screamed.

Didn't she know that this was going to send them all to the looney-bin? Didn't she know that being alone was the worst thing she could possibly do to them? To him? Didn't she know that? How stupid must she fucking be?

He pulled out a bottle from his bag and twisted off the cap to take a few several swallows. He closed his eyes and rested the bottle on his leg. "That feels better."

He was so angry.

He was angry with everything. He was angry with himself because he was still turning to the booze when he knew he shouldn't. He was angry with Dr Sheffield for locking him up like an animal. He was angry at Brian because of his continuous religious chanting at two in the morning.

He was angry at anyone and everything that crossed his path.

"Fuck," he said and took another swallow.

He had to remind himself why he was here. It didn't seem funny, after all. He wasn't mean to be here. He was meant to be at home, with his dogs and his car. He wasn't mean to be caged like a wild beast. And, for some reason, he turned himself to the one person that he'd thought he'd never, ever turn to.

"Please, God, let me go. I'm not meant to be here," he said in a tearful whisper and drowned his sorrows with a few more long swallows.

~**********~

"I don't want to take advantage..." Kevin began.

Nick shook his head. "No, you're not. I want you, Kevin. I want you really, really bad."

Kevin smiled, his eyes glazing over like so many times before, in a coked-out state. "You do?"

"Yes!"

"Nick!"

Nick looked up. Damn, he was daydreaming, yet again. He was silently going crazy. Silently screaming. But only on the inside. That is, until his daydreams became a reality. "Yeah?"

Kevin laid down on his bed. "I just said, what were you thinking about?"

Nick blushed slightly and looked away. "Oh, nothing."

Kevin looked at him closely. "You weren't thinking about making a hundred metre dash for the blades, were you?"

Nick laughed and shook his head. "No, I wasn't." He cleared his throat. "Kevin, why do always make sure that I'm not hurting myself but you're still getting high every day?"

Kevin's emerald eyes darted around the room. "Because I care about you," he said in a barely audible voice.

Nick leaned closer. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"I care about you, Nick."

Nick raised his eyebrows. "You do?"

"Yes."

Kevin stood up and motioned for Nick to come closer. He did, without having to be asked twice. Kevin cupped Nick's chin and raised his face towards his own. "Nick," he whispered.

"Yes?" Nick answered in this same whisper, his eyes locking with Kevin's.

'You remember what you asked me earlier?"

"Yes."

Kevin smiled. "Well, that's my answer."

~***********~