Diorama

© Sweet-Kisses™

~*~

After exploring the streets of Manhattan at dusk, Nick and Kevin had settled in the living room of Kevin's apartment, both devouring small tubs of ice-cream. Nick had been more than impressed with the city, and Kevin, and so far Nick hadn't been confident enough to make a move. And he was quite happy to keep it that way.

"So how do you live like this?” Nick said, his spoon diving into a mass of chocolate ice-cream. “You’ve already said quite publicly that professors aren’t the richest around.”

“True, and I’ll always say that. We’re a poor, dying breed,” Kevin laughed, waving his own spoon in the air. “But can I trust you with a little secret?"

"You can trust me."

Kevin arched an eyebrow. "Pinky swear?"

"How old are you again? I don't think I've heard anyone over the age of ten say that!"

Kevin laughed heartily. "Touché. But if you must know, you're looking at someone who has penned many a great tune for the likes of Whitney and Mariah. Impressed?"

Nick narrowed his eyes. “Are you serious?”

“Serious! I like to write songs and I also like to teach music. Why limit yourself to one when you can be both?”

“Wow,” Nick breathed. “I had no idea. I’m learning more and more each minute!”

“Speaking of learning..." Kevin pointed his spoon at Nick. “Tell me about yourself, your family, friends, high school, girlfriends, boyfriends, everything. I want to know everything there is to know about Nickolas Carter.”

“Well,” Nick began, “I grew up in Philadelphia and that wasn’t real easy. I’m an only child and my mother is an accountant and my father teaches high school economics. Suffice to say,  studying music wasn’t exactly a good choice in their opinion. High school for me was an absolute nightmare. As you can tell, I’m incredibly shy so people didn’t exactly fight to be my friend. The only time I felt normal was when I was singing. Girls just weren’t interested in me so I never had a girlfriend.”

"That’s hard to believe,” Kevin objected. “I imagine girls would’ve been lining up in droves. You’re gorgeous, after all." He paused. "And boyfriends?"

"What? I didn't...I mean, there wasn't...I never..."

"I get the point," Kevin said softly, touching Nick's arm. "So. Motown Philly wasn't too good, huh?"

"It was really bad. I always felt like an outcast.” Nick's eyes grew misty. “I just felt like I never really was one of them, like I never really belonged. And I always had this feeling that they were all talking about me behind my back. I was so paranoid about that and they could have or not. I had no idea but it was just such...a horrible feeling for me! And teachers pitied me, I could see that and my parents were upset and disappointed in me because their only child was such a fucking misfit! I hated that and I hated them! That’s why I moved away...and..."

Before Nick realised it, he was crying. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. Through his blurry vision, he could see Kevin sliding across the couch toward him. Kevin wrapped a comforting arm around Nick’s waist and wiped away Nick’s tears with his fingers. All of a sudden he had an overwhelming urge to kiss Nick, so he did. He pressed his lips onto Nick’s. He could feel that Nick was surprised, if not somewhat hesitant so he wrapped both arms around Nick’s waist tightly, reassuringly and pulled him close. He could feel Nick relaxing in his arms while their lips met again and again in sweet sequence.

He wanted Nick, right then and there. But past experiences had taught him to never deal with someone while in an emotional state such as Nick’s. But he couldn’t help it, Nick was just irresistible. Even if Nick didn’t know it, he was. Even if Kevin swore that he’d never make the first move, he couldn’t help it.

Nick allowed himself to be eased against the cushions on the couch, allowing Kevin to rest his body on top of his own. He had to admit that it felt comforting, reassuring to know that someone cared about him as much as Kevin did. But did he really? Was he really just mistaking love for just plain sex? How could he know unless he asked? He was embarrassed to ask, because he didn’t want to know. But it was comforting, reassuring how Kevin kissed him, how gently Kevin touched Nick underneath his shirt, how warm Kevin’s body was against his.

Kevin pulled away from Nick. He was breathing heavily while staring into Nick’s eyes, searching for some sort of assurance, guidance, some sort of reaction. He stared for several moments and brushed Nick’s hair away from his forehead with back of his hand. “I know I said I wanted you to make the first move here,” he whispered, “but I’d like to go to bed with you. What do you think? Do you feel anything for me?”

Nick’s reply found them both in Kevin’s bedroom, which had spectacular views of the city and skyline. Buildings, cars and apartments were twinkling with bright yellow lights through the glass windows.

He felt awkwardly shy and vulnerable as he stood in front of the bed while Kevin began to undress him. He felt self-conscious and very exposed. He watched his shirt drop to the floor, then his jeans and lastly, his boxer shorts. He blushed and squeezed his eyes closed. He almost died, or at least faint, when Kevin unexpectedly whispered into his ear in a deep, soothing voice, "open your eyes, beautiful boy."

He found that Kevin was staring at him with an impassive face, though his eyes told Nick everything he wanted to know. Maybe he didn’t have to be ashamed or shy.  His fingers were trembling as he touched Kevin’s shirt and tried to remove it. He eventually did so, after much deliberation. He fumbled with removing Kevin’s jeans. Kevin held Nick’s fingers with his own and guided them. Butterflies were swimming in Nick’s stomach as he had to take off the final article of clothing on Kevin’s body, boxer shorts. He tried to look away while doing so, but Kevin held Nick’s chin in the palm of his hand so that they were staring at each other. Nick could hardly breathe.

Their fingers were entwined tightly on the bed, Kevin kissed Nick everywhere. Nick found himself pushing his head back against the pillow and arching his body while sighing softly. He felt like he was on a rollercoaster and his body was about to explode with sweet pleasure. The nervousness faded from the pit of his stomach and was soon replaced with a feeling Nick couldn’t describe, a feeling Nick had never known. But he loved it, and he loved Kevin more for releasing it.

Kevin placed himself comfortably on Nick’s body and kissed him gently while touching Nick’s face with the tips of his fingers. He watched in delight at the quiver that ran through Nick’s body and the flush in his cheeks. “You want this, right?”

“Yes,’ Nick said softly. He frowned slightly. “But w-what about...you know...b-being safe and...all that? I mean..." 

A small smile creased Kevin’s handsome face. He placed a hand on either side of Nick’s face and kissed him again, this time a little longer. “As you wish.”

Nick turned his head to stare out at the city through the windows. It was beautiful. But he realized that this was his last chance to reconsider sleeping with this older man. No-one would find out, therefore no-one would be hurt. But what if someone found out, somehow? What happened then? What if Kevin’s intentions weren’t all that sincere? Where did that leave him?

Before he could even think of an answer to all those questions, his head was turned back again and he was lost in a deep kiss. His answer was obviously that simple. When Nick first stepped into the room, he remembered seeing a single white candle burning on the nightstand next to the bed. Just before he fell asleep, wrapped in crisp white sheets and strong arms, he noticed that the candle had long since burnt down to nothing but a tiny stub.

~**~

Nick allowed the hot water to run down his body. He raised his head toward the water. When he woke up, he found that Kevin was gone and he felt strange, like he had done something really wrong. He felt a  sense of guilt, and he didn't know why. He didn't like the way he was feeling. He was debating whether or not to just leave while he had the opportunity.

But what he had experienced with Kevin was the closest thing to being loved and cared about that he knew in his life. He had to admit that much. He had found some sort of connection with Kevin, that was just unexplainable. He couldn't help thinking about it. He appreciated - no, loved - the fact that Kevin was patient with him, didn't rush him, didn't expect too much from him. He loved the fact that Kevin could make him feel alive, if for just a little while.

Nick quickly dressed and sat down on one of the bar stools at the kitchen counter. He rested his head in his hands. Nothing could change the fact that Kevin was nearly twice his age and that Nick had slept with him. Nick had wanted to, he took responsibility for that. But it didn't disguise the fact that he had slept with another man who was so much older than he.

"Maybe the situation isn't as bad as I'm making it," he said quietly to himself.

But would he still feel guilty if the person he had slept with was a woman?

The front door suddenly opened and Nick jumped off his seat. He watched Kevin close the door and turn around. When he did, Kevin's eyes brightened and a smile appeared on his face. He was holding two large Starbucks coffees, a dark scarf was knotted around his neck which complemented his dark hair and green eyes.

"Hey, you," Kevin said, placing the cups on the counter. He watched Nick divert his gaze around the room, seemingly uncomfortable. "Something wrong?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Nick, you're not fine," Kevin said quietly, reaching out for Nick's hand. When Nick moved away, he sighed and sat down. "Alright, what is it?"

Nick appeared distressed. "I just feel like...I think I need to leave."

"Nick - "

"I mean, I just don't think that I'm entirely  - "

"Nick!" Kevin almost shouted. He held Nick firmly by the shoulders. "You're not going to leave. You can't just sleep with me and that be it. I won't let that happen. I care about you, Nick. I really care about you. But I think there's something more to it." He gazed into Nick's eyes. "Does it bother you about who I am, that you went to bed with another man? Who's older? Who's your teacher? Because if so, then let's get this sorted now. Does it? I want you to be honest. At least give me that much."

"I can't help it," Nick whispered tearfully. "I can't. It's just there in the back of my mind. What will people think? If anyone found out, what would happen to you, to your job?"

"That's for me to decide," Kevin said. "When you love someone, you put everything on the line for them. I'm willing to do that for you. Being in a same-sex relationship doesn't make you a bad person. It would make you feel bad if you denied your true feelings your whole life. You can't do that. You can't help who you love. You just do."

Nick nodded. "I know, you're right. I'm just...stupid."

"Stupid you, who I love," Kevin laughed. "Want to see some stuff?"

Nick smiled brightly. "I'd love to see some stuff."

Kevin handed Nick his coffee as they walked out of his apartment. "You're amazing," he said softly, his lips brushing over Nick's cheek softly.

Nick couldn't help but think that Kevin was pretty amazing himself.

~***~

Alex looked around the room to check if he had everything in his black training bag. He was on his way to the rehearsal room to perfect his routine for his audition. He knew he'd picked the best song to use, an old Bobby Brown song, but he also knew that his moves had to be spot on. That's was why he'd been practicing any chance he could get. He was nervous about the audition, but he knew that as long as he knew his routine and was confident, he'd be the best one there.

Walking over to the rehearsal room, his mind went back to the meeting he had with his now-former boss, Red. Red had seemingly appeared out of nowhere and decided to give him 'one last job'. He didn't know what it was, but he knew that it would help him buy Anna's ring sooner rather than later. He felt some comfort in knowing that after the job, it would be his last. He was pleasantly surprised with how easy it was to just quit.

He knew that he was on the road to success, to some sort of better life. He knew that he owed a lot of that to Anna. It was strange to consider her his fiancee. At some point, he knew he'd have to meet her parents, and for her to meet his. He knew that had to happen soon.

He casually glanced over his shoulder and saw that the same two guys that had been previously following him were at it again. He quickened his pace slightly, but not too quick to notice.

Not this again.

His fate was sealed as he saw a third male walk toward him. Alex took a deep breath and then broke into a run. He didn't get very far before they caught up with him.

~****~

Howie was walking back from the library after a few hours of study with a group from his finance class. He wasn't quite sure about some of the trading theories, so he was thankful to be around those who did and who could explain them to him in layman's terms. He knew his final grade would be pleased, too.

He unlocked his door to a quiet room. He actually really enjoyed the silence. Nick going to his parent's house for the weekend was actually a nice change. He valued the silence.

Not five seconds after he closed the door to his room, he heard a gentle knock. He knew he wasn't expecting anyone. Standing in his doorway was Eliza-Beth, sobbing quietly, her face bruised. She was shaking, mascara was smudged down her cheeks, her clothes and hair a mess. She was a mess. Her eyes were pleading with him, for solace.

Warning bells rang loud and clear for Howie. "Oh my god." He helped her into his room and carefully sat her down on the small couch. He then ran for ice and a large glass of cold water. He handed her the glass, which shook in her hands and placed the icepack gingerly on her cheek. "What the hell happened this time, Liz?"

Liz took in several shaky breaths. She tried to reply but all she could do was shake her head. Howie ran his fingers through his hair. "Okay. Then how about you go and wash your face and then lie down for a while? I won't go anywhere. You're safe here, remember."

He watched Liz nod and then disappear into the other room. He kept himself occupied for a few hours while she slept. He felt incredibly angry, an anger that he had never felt before. All he could think about was how hurt she was, and the pain she was experiencing and how she could even still fool herself to be in love with someone who was causing so much pain.

"Good book?"

Howie looked up and saw Liz sitting herself down gently next to him. He placed the book on the coffee table. "Same old junk. How are you?"

"Better. Much better." She smiled ruefully. "Sorry for barging in on you like that. I promise it'll never happen again."

"Will it? Will it happen again? Will you let this happen to you again or will you take a stand to stop it?"

"I don't know. I hope not."

Howie shook his head and looked away. That wasn't entirely encouraging. "Look, you said that you didn't want me to interfere so I won't be doing so. I'm sure you can see yourself out."

Liz appeared surprised. She slowly helped herself to her feet. "Well, I'll leave if that's what you want. But I - "

"No, it's not what I want!" Howie cried. "But I mean, what else can I do? You're engaged to someone who is physically abusing you and who is no man at all and you can't even see someone standing right in front of you who could treat you like a real man should!"

"And that would be you?" Liz asked with a small smile.

"Yes. Of course."

Liz looked away for a moment, then looked back at Howie with a mischievous gleam in her eyes. "If you think you can treat me like a real man should, then go ahead. I'd like to see this for myself."

That, he wasn't expecting.

~*****~

Brian and Catherine were sitting at either side of a red vinyl restaurant booth, a textbook being passed back and forth between them and plates that once held French delicacies. Brian looked at Catherine encouragingly. "So, just remember that some real estate firms practice on commission and some don't. Now, the pros and cons of that are - "

"I know," Catherine interrupted, "if you work on commission, more people would quit because they aren't making a flippin' penny. Right?"

Brian couldn't help but laugh. "Something like that." He grabbed the textbook and flipped through a few pages. "Now, I was just telling you that you really need to know - " He looked up at Catherine and stopped mid-sentence. He was concerned about the pained expression on her face. "Are you okay?"

A deep frown creased her forehead and her normally olive complexion was slightly peaked. "Yeah, I think I'll be alright. I've just been having these little bouts of nausea for the last week. I'm sure it's nothing."

"Maybe you should see a doctor. Could be a bug or something."

"Hmm." Catherine stood up. "I'm going to the ladies. Be right back."

Catherine walked toward the restroom and as she reached the door, she turned her head to look back at Brian. He was deeply ensconced in the textbook and had not a care in the world. Which was the complete opposite of Catherine when she entered the stall and locked the door.

She leaned against the locked door and cried. Softly.

~******~