Diorama

©Sweet-Kisses™

~*~

The four friends were sitting at various places around the small dormitory room that Nick and Howie shared. Some were trying to study, while just one of them decided he would stretch his legs out across the small sofa and dream away, while beginning some sort of a conversation to break the cone of silence. 

"So, boys," Alex drawled. "Looks like you'll have to get used to me being here. I'm making enough money to stay put for a while."

"Grand," Brian murmured.

Nick looked up with a smile. "Hey, that's great! What have you been doing that's allowing you to earn so much?"

"He's playing a Phantom," Howie replied with a grin.

"Really?" Nick asked, surprised.

Alex threw an icy glare in Howie's direction. "No," he snapped. "So shut up!"

"But before I do," Howie continued, pointing his pen in Alex's direction with still a grin, "you still haven't given us any details on this mystifying job that's earning you a pretty penny. 'Fess up, boy."

Alex sat up quickly. "Why don't you just shut the hell up? Did I ask for your pearls of goddamn opinion?"

"I believe that's wisdom," Brian interrupted.

"No, I don't think so!" Alex almost bellowed at Howie. "Until I ask, shut it!"

Howie rolled his eyes and snapped his books closed before throwing his chair back. He threw his books in his bag. "Whatever helps you sleep at night," he said in a low voice.

Alex, however, was on a roll. "Or maybe it's that pretty little president of the largest sorority on campus. What's her name? Oh, that's right. It's Liz. Do you all know Liz? Well, I do! She's engaged. Did you know that?"

Howie slammed the door behind him as he left.

Brian and Nick stared after Howie in surprise, then at Alex in slight anger and annoyance. While Nick buried himself back in his books, Brian shook his head. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about. We're just concerned. That's all, Alex. It's called being a friend. If you knew what that was. I'm going after Howie. Sure beats being in here."

"Brian - " Nick said softly.

Alex jumped up off the sofa. "Friend? Nice one, Church boy. You don't know me any better than I know you." He paused. "Just like you don't know that pretty blonde of yours, even though you broke that vow of celibacy around your neck for her. Or, hang on, would that be your - ?"

"Alex!" Nick exclaimed, getting up out of his seat. "What? Why are you saying these things?"

Brian stared at Alex with a hardened glare. His fists clenched unexpectedly, his breathing heavy. "I've never said this before," he said slowly, "but fuck you, Alex. You just ruined any friendship you had with me. And just so you know? Nothing has happened between Catherine and I. Not that it's any of your business. So as you like, stay the hell out of it."

Alex and Nick were the only two left in the room. Nick had his eyes on Alex staring at the floor. He had no idea why Alex was acting the way he was, or where he had found out all this information. He didn't know if it was true or not. If he was honest to himself, he didn't want to know. Nick shook his head and quickly, quietly, packed up his books and headed for the door, not uttering a single sound.

"Where are you going?" Alex said. "Running to the gay Professor?"

Nick took a deep breath and turned around, slowly. "I, um, I don't know what to say. I think, well, I believe that Brian said it all."

Alex was then standing alone in the room. He had no idea why he had lashed out at the only true friends he had ever really had. Maybe because he was scared of his friends finding out the truth. That would be the worst thing. He knew he would lose their friendship, which he hoped he hadn't done. The situation was repairable. Wasn't it?

He sat down on the small sofa once again. He felt tears forming in his eyes. He was alone, working dangerously and living precariously.

"God," Alex breathed, holding his head in his hands. "When will it end?"

~*~

Alex had a rough time leaving dance class later on that afternoon. The same guys who had been seemingly after him, were in fact after him. He had noticed that as he left class, he had a shadow. He glanced over his shoulder as casually as possible, only to find the three guys right behind him. Alex quickened his pace, and so did they. He should've stolen one of those guns he had passed on. He could've used it.

Despite his attempts to lose them, the guys captured Alex. He was outnumbered, three to one so there was no way Alex would attempt a fight. He knew, and seen, enough of gang fighting to know when to stand your ground and when not to. This would be one time when Alex would not be standing his ground and be the hero of the day.

One of the guys put a hand around Alex's neck, making it hard for Alex to breathe. Alex felt like he was chocking on air. Every single derogatory term and expression that Alex had ever heard, and then some, were slurred his way for being male and being a dancer. Apparently it was a disgrace to males everywhere. Alex disagreed, but he remained silent. Just when he felt as though he were about to pass out, a class nearby vacated the room and filled the pathway. The three quickly let Alex go and disappeared into the crowd, leaving Alex fighting to breathe.

He felt bad about what had happened between his friends. He had caused something that he didn't know whether it could be fixed. Something was happening to him, and he didn't know exactly what. He couldn't concentrate in class, couldn't concentrate on his friendships or his relationship with Anna. He felt as if he were in a deep sea and he didn't know how to swim or who could save him.

So he went to work for Jim for a few hours. Made a nice chunk of change. A lot of middle-aged desperado's throwing money his way. Alex cringed every time the group let out squeals of delight when he worked the pole. He hated it, but it was all part of his spectacular routine. He was thrilled when it was over. That was soon replaced with apprehension when his other boss, Red, was waiting outside the building.

Red tipped his hat. "Evenin'. I have another proposition for you. This one is, how shall I say - different? Private, I suppose."

Alex didn't let down his guard. "Yeah? What is it?"

"Not what, but who," Red said, a smile crossing his face. "A lovely lady wants to make your acquaintance."

"So what's she selling? Lingerie? Tupperware?"

"Sex, my boy," Red drawled. "And she wants to buy you."

Alex snorted. "Right. Good joke! What is it really?"

"She'll pay top dollar for your services. Two G's, in fact. So if you'll just follow me..."

Alex followed. He went to the secluded apartment and provided the nameless brunette with his services. And he hated every single minute of it. He felt nauseous touching her, kissing her, doing other things he'd never though he'd do to someone he didn't love. Even when he felt the cold cash in his hand. Was it worth selling his dignity and self-worth? Apparently he was good at it. That's what she had told him. One of the best she'd ever paid for.

Alex wanted to throw up. Or die.

He didn't want to go back to his room. So he went to Anna, his only refuge. He found her still awake and fuelled by coffee, peering over a textbook at her desk with only a small light on. She looked up with a tired smile as he entered the room. Seeing her smile made him want to cry. And he did. He slid down against the door and rested his head against his knees, sobbing in exhaustion, revulsion, frustration and many, many more things.

"Alex," Anna said softly, kneeling beside him, "what in the world is wrong?"

Alex raised his head and wiped hot tears away. "I'm sorry, babe. I'm so sorry. I just - "

Anna placed her hands on either side of his face. "Alex, what's wrong? What have you done? Talk to me."

"I fucked up big time!" he cried. "Brian and the rest of them won't talk to me now, some punks tried to asphyxiate me after class today and to top it all off, I cheated - "

Anna immediately let go and sat back. "What? You cheated on what, Alex? Or...my God. Who?"

"I'm sorry, babe," he whispered. "I just needed - "

Anna stood up and tried to open the door. Alex took the hint and scrambled to his feet. "I'd like you to leave now."

"But I did it so I could - "

"I'm sure there were a lot of reasons why. There also should've been a lot of reasons why not. Like the fact that you love me, which you've just proven you don't. Fair enough. I just wish you didn't prove it in such a cowardly fucking way. I cared about you, Alex. I shared my bed with you."

Alex's eyes began to plead with her. "Don't you see? I did it because I wanted to stay here, with you! I love you, Anna! Baby, please - "

"Goodnight, Alex," Anna said in a controlled voice, pushing him out the door and fastening the locks.

This had to be the worst day on record for Alexander James McLean.

~**~

Howie and Liz were on their way to their respective classes, having met along one of the main walkways around campus. Books were cradled in their arms. Howie stole a sideward glance at the girl. She was so alike the girl he once knew. It was uncanny. He knew it wasn't possible they were related, but it was just mind-boggling.

" - So this philosophy class teaches you to think deep thoughts about being unemployed," Liz grinned. "Interesting, but useless."

"I see. I didn't know that," Howie replied, also grinning.

"Well, I mean, we can't all be accountants can we?"

Howie stopped, blushed and chuckled. He stared down. "Listen, I know it's probably the wrong thing to ask. But would you - "

"Howie," Liz interrupted, her voice apologetic, her expression worried, "it's not such a good idea. We're friends, right? So let's not - "

"Eliza-Beth!"

Howie turned swiftly to see a tall male rushing toward them. He suddenly felt nervous. He couldn't help but notice that Liz suddenly looked afraid. He frowned slightly as he watched her kiss her fiancée on the cheek, the kiss unreturned. The fiancée glare at Howie. "Who the hell is this?"

Liz tried to smile brightly. "Darling, this is Howie. We literally bumped into each other. Howie, this is Michael. My fiancée."

Howie extended his hand. "Michael, nice to meet you. Liz has told me all about - "

"She's said nothing about you," Michael replied abruptly, refusing the hand shake.

Liz glanced helplessly at Howie, who had a tight smile on his face. "Uh, well, I suppose we should get going. Class to get to and all..."

"Sure," Howie nodded, watching them walk off in puzzlement.

What the hell is going on there?

~***~

"You've been avoiding my classes, Nickolas," Kevin said disapprovingly, letting Nick into his apartment.

Nick quietly closed the door behind him and leaned against it. For some odd reason, he didn't want to leave the security of the door behind him. It was like it gave him some sort of strength. He didn't even know why he was even there. Something to do with the fact that Kevin was always on his mind, the rift between Alex and the rest of them...

"I know," Nick said softly, dodging eye contact.

"Would you like to move away from the door?"

No. He didn't want to. Nick shook his head. "Well, to be honest, I really can't, I mean, I don't know why I'm here. I just - " He stopped suddenly when he realized that Kevin was taking slow steps toward him. " - don't know why I'm even here."

"You wanted to see me."

"Well, yes. I did. I mean, I wanted to see you and, well..."

Kevin arched an eyebrow in inquiry. "What? Why? You understand that we, I, can't keep dancing around the fact that we're somehow attracted to each other. Either you accept that now or not. One way or another, this has to be settled here and now."

Nick nodded. "Well, yes, I agree and I am...I mean, I am attracted to...you..."

"Good to know," Kevin replied with a smirk. He stepped even closer to Nick until they had body contact. Nick looked scared and Kevin could've laughed. Of course he didn't. Nick tried his best to respond, but no words formed. Kevin placed his middle and index finger across Nick's lips. "It's inevitable, right? You and me? You knew from the first day that this would happen." He leaned closer. "No one has to know," he whispered and slipped his tongue through the gap of his fingers. He moved his fingers away just as his lips touched Nick's softly, delicately.

Nick raised his arms to push Kevin away, but Kevin was too quick. He grabbed Nick's hands and clasped them tightly in his own. He felt Nick's hands attempt to tightened into clenched fists. He began to respond to the kiss, Kevin could feel it. Slowly, but surely, he began to kiss Kevin back. Kevin then released Nick's hands and allowed his own to drift underneath Nick's shirt. Nick nearly fell down in surprise, but instead the back of his head crashed into the door.

"Oww," Nick murmured, embarrassed and confused. He felt a rush of heat warming his face. Why is it that he could always ruin moments when he didn't want to appear clumsy?

 The pain stopped however, once he became aware of the fact that Kevin was suddenly kneeling in front of him. Nick's eyes widened in surprise. He sort of had a few clues as to where this was going. But he wasn't sure if he could. This was all new to him.

Nick reached out to touch the strands of Kevin's dark hair. "No...I don't think this is a good idea."

An impish glint sparkled in Kevin's green eyes. "Could be a good idea. Trust me."

"No!" Nick shouted and pushed Kevin away. He ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry, I just...can't."

Kevin shook his head. "When you decide what you want, why don't you let me know? I hope I'm still around to find out."

~****~

Both Brian and Catherine had quite a lot to drink as they headed back to her room from some sort of gathering that Brian really didn't understand. A lot of weirdly-dressed people that he didn't recognize from anywhere. All he could think about was Alex. He didn't understand what was really going on with him.

The party around him was some sort of celebration for some religious schmuck. What was interesting about it was that there was liquor in abundance. Brian simply shrugged and drank up like the rest of them.

The couple quickly felt the effects of the alcohol, and combined with music and everyone else around them either dancing or making out with their significant others, Brian and Catherine followed suit. Numerous times throughout the night, Brian wanted to leave with Catherine and continue their displays of affection, alone, in much more depth.

Finally, Catherine whispered in his ear when the music died down, "want to get out of here? Make our own fun?"

Brian nearly ran out of the place, pulling a giggling Catherine along with him.  They stumbled about campus and into her room. The couple fell onto her bed. Brian looked around himself. "Is your roommate ever here?"

Catherine giggled loudly. "Nope! She's either at her parents or some dude's place who doesn't live on campus. Fine by me!"

"Nice arrangement," Brian murmured, kissing his girlfriend deeply.

"Yup." Catherine pulled off Brian's shirt and then her own. "I think I'm drunk."

"Of course!"

They both laughed.

~*****~