© Sweet Kisses™

~*~

They had taken Nick to a rehabilitation centre.

All four men were sitting in a room that was adjacent to the corridor, which led to many of the psychiatric ward's room. The corridor itself seemed something like a hotel room. Million of doors were situated one after another, with numbers on them. Only, this place was a hell of a lot different from a hotel room. The place itself was eerily quiet, absolutely soundless, cool with an ever-clean smell about it, as though the whole centre was dead. And yeah, another reason why this place was different from a hotel room. The doors in which the patients were secluded in were locked.

The rain continued to beat down against the windows, the roof, the land, the Earth, and the wind continued to howl through the building. It was just past five that morning, and they had been waiting for what seemed like forever, not just a few hours. They had all been restless and on the edge of their seats when they had brought a screaming and crying Nick into the centre, and immediately two very strong interns had drugged him and dragged him away, and hating the sight of seeing their brother the way he was, they had all started crying. Not sobbing, just soft quiet tears, reminiscing about how Nick used to be, the Nick they all knew and loved so very much.

Kevin and A.J. were slumped in red velvet chairs, their eyes closed but still partially awake in case a doctor or a nurse or someone came to talk to them. Brian and Howie, however, had fallen asleep after trying in vain to keep awake. They were emotionally drained, just like they all were, and couldn't fight the heaviness of their eyes or the fatigue in their bodies and had just easily drifted off to sleep in their chairs. And soon, all of them were asleep, but still desperately waiting for someone to give them some answers.

They just didn't understand how this had all happened. They just didn't understand how this could've happened to their friend. They had always believed that, together, they all were resilient, that nothing bad could happen to them. Either individually or collectively as a group, they had all believed in the fact that they were untouchable. But now, that had changed so quickly, so fast, and now they were faced with the toughest sort of reality that they had ever known or had ever had to deal with, including Kevin with the death of his father, though he believed this to be exactly the same, only now he was stronger and could deal with it a little less emotionally or more rationally than the rest of them.

Exactly what had happened to Nick all those years ago? And why was he sleeping with another man when he was clearly homophobic? And why was Nick's father involved?

These were the questions that all four men wanted answers for. The whole situation seemed like some sort of nightmare, and there was nothing more that the four men wanted than to wake up and find that this whole mess had been a dream. They didn't want to believe that Nick's father had done all this damage to Nick. They didn't want to believe that Nick feared them, and feared himself. They didn't want to believe that Nick truly wanted to kill himself and no longer live. They didn't want to believe that anything bad had happened to him when he was younger. But they knew as well as anybody in the world that in order to face and fix a problem, they had to accept the origins of the problem and then combat it in the best way they could.

Kevin opened his eyes and saw Howie, A.J. and Brian still asleep, still slumped in their chairs. He sat up slowly and stretched slightly, looking around himself to find the place still devoid of any human activity and it reminded him of why he hated places like this. He hated hospitals, psychiatric wards, rehabilitation, the lot. He hated it all. It had all started with his father and from then on he hated anything to do with death or loss, which made him even more convinced and determined to get Nick out of this place and to get him better, and after all, Nick would. Nick would recover. He just had to. There was just no life for them all without him, and if he didn't...

There would be no if, that was the main thing. There would be no ifs ands or buts. Nick would make it out alive and they would have him back as the same old Nick again. They just had to get him back. There would be no way in the entire world that any of them could function without the other. It was just like if one was being attacked, the others would immediately rally around, and this was no different. They would help Nick with everything that they had insides themselves to get him back to the way he was, and they would do anything. Anything to see that Nick would be all right again. That Nick would be safe again. That no harm would ever come to him again as long as they all lived.

When Kevin saw Howie stir in his chair and his eyes open, he sat up straighter and said softly, "Hey."

Howie yawned softly, covering his mouth with his hand momentarily. "Hey," he replied in the same soft voice and looked around himself. "Still nothing?"

Kevin shook his head. "No."

Howie sighed and sat back with despondency, his face twisting with concern and anguish. "God, what are they doing to him?"

Kevin shrugged. "Who the hell knows in this place? It's so goddamn dead, it might as well be a morgue."

"No death jokes, please," Howie pleaded. He paused for several moments, looking down at the carpet underneath his feet, and suddenly, he smiled softly. "Remember when Nick was really young and he used to fall asleep every night on the carpet watching Tom and Jerry?"

Just reminders of how Nick used to be when he was growing up caused them both to fall into a lapse of silence. So many memories whizzed past in their mind, it was like they had been Nick’s parents and in many ways, they had been. They felt Nick’s pain. They felt Nick’s anguish. They felt Nick’s hurt, just like any other normal parent would when his or her child was hurting and in need for desperate help. And because there was nothing that they could do but sit and wait, it made them only more on the edge of their seats.

They were just in dire need of something, anything, that could tell them why Nick was the way he was and how in which that they could help him. They just had to save him. They just had to. There was no other choice in the world but to save him and bring him back from the brink of death.

Kevin nodded and a sad smile crossed his face. "Yeah, I remember and he used to..." His voice cracked and his lower lip quivered and before he knew it, his eyes filled with tears. "I should've known, Howie," he whispered. "I was old enough to see the signs. I could've stopped anything bad from happening. I was supposed to be like his father! What was I doing wrong?!"

Howie crossed the floor and sat down beside Kevin and placed his arm around Kevin's shoulders while a few tears ran free down Kevin's face. "Hey, I was old enough too, you know," he murmured. "I'm only two years younger than you, and I could've easily seen whatever might've been happening to him, and I didn't, either. There was no change in his persona, his temperament, nothing. None of us could tell, Kevin, so don't beat yourself up."

Kevin sniffed softly and cleared his throat to cease the wavering that was evident, and this whole thing seemed to be hitting Kevin the hardest. He was like Nick’s father. The one who was supposed to be looking after him and taking care of him and making sure that he was all right and alive and well. So what kind of a father was he if Nick had gotten to this point and had no help? Did that make him a good father, a responsible father, for letting Nick succumb to all this and reach this point? Maybe. Maybe not. But all Kevin knew was that he blamed himself entirely for this whole thing that was happening to Nick and he knew that nothing would ever make that feeling disappear.

"Then why is it all coming out now? Why not then? Why now, Howie? Why did all this have to happen to him? What sick and twisted person could do this to another human being?" Kevin cried in a scratchy tone.

Howie shook his head and looked away. "I don't know, Kevin, I really don't. But, God, I wish I did."

"Are you the gentlemen that brought in Nickolas Carter?"

Both Howie and Kevin turned around at the same time to find a woman in a white dress and white shoes standing before them, a curious and tentative expression on her face. While she tried to put them at ease with her friendly blue eyes and her soft voice, they weren't exactly at ease, for they both jumped up and woke both Brian and A.J. out of their sleep, and almost immediately, all four men were standing before the woman, all eagerly awaiting what she was about to tell them.

They were desperate for an explanation, and hopefully whatever she would tell them would be something that wouldn't drastically scar them all for life, but somehow, some way, they knew it would. There was just a fear of dread and doom about them all, and if one fell down, it wouldn't be long before the others soon followed...

"Hi, I'm Dr Hetfield," she said in her soft, calm voice and shook all their hands. "I understand that Nickolas is a very dear friend to you all, and it was a very good thing that you brought him here when you did. He would most certainly be lost without friends like you."

Kevin sighed in frustration, hating the pleasantries she was forcing on them. "Look, what's wrong with him?"

Dr Hetfield's smile vanished and a rather serious expression crossed her face as she pointed to the chairs. "I think we should have a seat."

When they were all seated around the doctor, it was Brian who enforced Kevin's words again. "We've been waiting for eternity, please don't make us wait any longer. Just tell us what's happened to him. Whatever's happened, we can deal with it."

Dr Hetfield clasped her hands together and scanned them all with her eyes. "I suggest you all brace yourselves and I hope that you all have very strong stomachs, for what we've found out, and what I'm about to tell you, isn't pretty and I really hate to be the one to break it to you all." She paused. "Let me say that, firstly, what's inside room 546 isn't a criminal nor is a threat to anyone. What's in there is a sick kid."

Kevin lost all patience. "Why is he sick? That's what we want to know and that's why we're here! Just tell us already!"

Dr Hetfield nodded. "Okay, this is what has happened thus far. When you brought him in, he refused to tell us anything, so we pushed with a procedure that is commonly used with patients who clam up emotionally, so to speak. We used hypnosis, and what that means is that, while hypnotized, we asked Nickolas a series of questions relating to the facts that you gave us and, under hypnosis, we took him back to his past and he spoke of what happened to him."

"And?" A.J. encouraged.

"Is his...?" Brian drew a shaky breath. "Is his father involved in some way? Did he hurt Nick at any stage?"

"From what Nickolas has told us..." The doctor nodded. "Yes, Nickolas' father did hurt him."

"Oh, God," Howie whispered.

Suddenly, Kevin jumped up. "That's it! I'm going to fucking kill him!"

"And don't you want to know how?" Dr Hetfield added.

Reluctantly, Kevin slowly sat down in his seat. "Okay," he said, regaining some of his composure. "How did Nick's father hurt him?"

"From what we've uncovered," Dr Hetfield began, looking at them all periodically, "when Nickolas was ten years old, Nickolas' father began to molest him.”

“How?” A.J. asked softly, his face pure white and drained of all living colour. “In what way?”

Dr Hetfield shrugged. “The usual way,” she answered, no emotion showing on her face. “Intercourse.”

Silence descended upon all four men and the doctor thought that they might all need a bucket of water thrown all over them to bring them out of it. They just sat still, so very still in their chairs, it was like they were human statues. Their faces, however, were the complete opposite, but they shared the exact same expression, which made the doctor believe that these men were closer than they appeared.

Their faces showed horror, disbelief, confusion, anxiety and most of all, fear, that was shining in all their tear-filled eyes. It seemed as though nothing would snap them out of their silence or stillness and there was just nothing anyone could do to wring the fear and horror out of their bodies and away from their faces. They had never dreamed about any of this, they always thought themselves as almost infallible creatures with no nightmares, but now...

Now their worst fear had become a reality.

Kevin closed his eyes momentarily to rid them of the tears that were fighting to break loose. “How could Nick let him do that? I mean, he was just a kid, but surely he knew that was wrong!”

“After all,” Dr Hetfield replied in a melodic tone, “when a child is only ten years old, Daddy knows best. Nickolas didn't know any better. That only happened on a few occasions. However, Nickolas' father soon brought in friends, older friends that he knew and together they would enforce his silence. Nickolas' father, we've found out, has even got videotapes of this happening, evidence, even. But it didn't just end there. When Nickolas was old enough to find out that none of his friends had that happen to them, he refused to take it anymore. This sparked some anger, but it ceased for a while. But we did a test and found that a drug that causes compliancy and amnesia is in Nickolas' blood stream and we've come to the conclusion that it was from his father. Now, this could be anywhere. It could be in the water that he drinks, coffee, sugar, anything. And we've assumed that when he's taken it, his father must have some way of knowing and still makes him commit homosexual acts while influenced by the drug. But the drug only lasts a few hours, and when he falls asleep, the drug wears off, he forgets everything, and only remains with a headache."

"That's why he couldn't remember who that guy was," Kevin whispered, his face ashen. "No wonder he had the headaches."

Howie shook his head in disbelief. “No wonder he wanted to kill himself.”

"And the reason being for his attempted suicide and homophobia," Dr Hetfield continued, "is because, from what we've concluded, that Nickolas was beginning to remember certain details in his dreams, which is why you've seen and heard him screaming and crying in his sleep so often. His mind was starting to revert back to his childhood in his dreams and he'd remember everything that his father had done to him, and most importantly, how he didn't like what was happening to him."

Brian felt gutted and felt the awful need for homicide. "What can we do to save Nick and throw that son of a bitch in jail?"

"Well, hopefully Nickolas will respond positively to the treatment that he will undergo as soon as possible," Dr Hetfield said gravely. "What we're going to do is try hypnosis again and while he's hypnotized, we'll try as best as possible to make him forget everything that has happened to him."

Tears filled Howie's eyes. "Will it work?" he asked softly.

Dr Hetfield remained impassive. "Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but we're going to give it a try."

"How can we prove that Nick's father actually did this?" Kevin asked, his insides all weak and his limbs feeling shaky, and he knew that he couldn't trust himself to stand at that moment. "What do we do?"

"Like I said," Dr Hetfield said calmly, "Nickolas' father had the stupid audacity to actually videotape some of the things he made Nickolas do when he was a lot younger. All I can suggest," she added, standing up and smoothing down her dress, "is that you try and find the tapes and go from there."

After Dr Hetfield had left them alone to ponder everything that she had told them, they all sat in silence. Stunned silence, almost as though they were paralysed. With fear, with nausea, with horror, and with disgust. Their worst nightmare had become a reality, and now, they had to fight that reality and make reality their haven once again.

But still, they were silent, overcome with just about every emotion a person could possibly feel without screaming. In all the world, they had never imagined this kind of thing happening, not to anyone, or at least not to their friend, their brother. And it had, and yet even knowing what had happened to Nick still made them all feel like their hands were tied right behind their backs, and there was nothing that they could do to erase the trauma in Nick's life and create things safe for him again.

So there was nothing they could do.

Except cry.

~**~