Long Lost

© 2007 Sweet-Kisses™

~*~

There were many a time when Nick and Kevin had been sharing the same room when they were first realizing what their relationship meant to each other. Often they would  just sit silent watching a movie, or read, or even just quietly talk while listening to soft background music. But this particular time was an exception, and they both seemed to comprehend that straight away.

Before they had reached this point in the relationship, there were plenty of times when they had found themselves solving their own curiosity about each other; exploring the lengths that they could go to with each other, each time going a little further than the last, only to stop when one or even both realized they they were a little apprehensive to take the next step.

However, something lurking in each other's eyes revealed a deep longing for each other, a longing that could not be held back.

Kevin slipped off his jacket and folded it across the arm of the dark green lounge chair. "Something wrong? You didn't say much tonight." When Nick looked away from him, Kevin stepped closer to his younger partner. "You know you can talk to me about anything." He added softly, "you're safe here."

"I'm scared," Nick said simply with a shrug.

"What makes you scared? Is it me? Is it us? Talk to me, Nick."

Nick raised his hands. "I want to..." He squeezed his eyes shut. "God, I can't say it."

"Talk to me, Nick," Kevin repeated, this time more forcefully.

"Fine." Nick opened his arms and continued, in a one big rush of words. "I want you. I want us. Now."

This had been the first time that Kevin had seen Nick so upfront about his feelings, so Kevin was surprised. More than surprised. He suddenly had butterflies flying around in his stomach, and plenty of them. "Wow, I don't know what to say." He covered his mouth with his hand, his eyes wide. "I'm just...shocked."

Nick lowered his head. "This was obviously a bad idea," and walked to the door.

"Nick, don't leave." Kevin rushed toward him and grabbed Nick's arm. "Please. We can deal with this. We can."

Nick closed the door and stared into Kevin's eyes. He saw so much honesty, courage and commitment there. Perhaps he really was safe. "So, you want to...?"

"Yes."

In a matter of moments, both had taken off their clothes and were standing in front of the large, 4-poster bed. Nick's hands were shaking so he quickly curled them into fists, hoping it would ease. Kevin noticed, and wrapped his arms around Nick. "This is okay. This is right, for us. We're doing the right thing here."

He rested his head against Kevin's shoulder, allowing Kevin's hands to run freely across his back. After only a few moments, Nick disentangled himself and pressed his lips hard against Kevin's. It was aggressive, it was passionate, and it was then that Nick realized that that was where he truly belonged.

Nick sat up in bed quickly with a gasp. He turned on the lamp next to his bed. He was coated in a thin layer of sweat, his hair slightly matted, his breathing a struggle. He squeezed his eyes shut before opening them again. It had been a dream, another memory that was resurfacing.

Nick grabbed himself a glass from the kitchen and filled it with cold water. He drank it down as though he were dying of thirst before sitting down on lounge. He didn't understand why this was happening. Was it all part of breaking amnesia? He wasn't sure. All he knew was that he wasn't coping with the dreams and he wanted them to stop. He wanted to tell Kevin about it, but that would do no good. Not after what they had been through.

Perhaps the only way for the dreams to go away was to move on.

~**~

Kevin had been attempting to read the latest Great War novel that had received rave reviews, but he could only accomplish reading page one multiple times.  Finally, he threw the novel down in disgust and walked out to the deck, reaching for his packet of Newport's along the way. He sat and watched the city below with a cigarette perched between his fingers, a thin line of smoke drifting into the air.

He thought that he had been taking Nick's decision with calmness and rationality. But if he was really honest with himself, that wasn't the case. Inside, he was screaming, he was crying, he was lost. He knew that their relationship wasn't going to be like it used to, he wasn't even asking for that. That wouldn't be fair. All he was asking for was a chance. And that was fair, wasn't it?

Obviously Nick thought it wasn't.

Kevin inhaled deeply on his cigarette which was followed by a stream of smoke. He soon tossed it over the edge, not caring where it landed.

He slammed the glass door shut behind him and turned on the hot water in the shower. He stared at himself in the mirror that was slowly starting to fog.

It was time to give up.

~***~

A.J. nodded his head to the loud music while he waited for his drink. Moments later, he was handed a tall glass and offered his thanks. When turning around he saw Kevin approaching, dressed in dark clothes. A.J. noticed that Kevin attracted the eye of many women around him. "Hey, you made it!"

"Well, it is your birthday, after all."

"Thanks. Everyone seems to be in high spirits tonight."

"So I see."

Kevin's eyes caught Nick in the crowd of people on the floor. Nick was moving almost effortlessly to the music playing, his arms firmly around a slim, long-haired blonde in a tight skirt and stilettos. Kevin felt nauseous. The two stayed only inches apart as they danced, and Kevin felt a stab to his stomach as the blonde girl ran her fingers through his hair as he lowered her closer to the floor.

"Kevin."

Kevin whipped his head around toward A.J. and snatched the drink off his friend. He downed it quickly, ignoring the frown he received. "It's okay, really. I'm just over the bullshit. I'm so fucking tired of it."

"It's okay to be upset, you know."

"I'm not upset."

"Yeah, you are."

The music faded out and Kevin turned toward Nick and the mystery girl again, only to find them clinched in a deep kiss. Kevin winced and shook his head. He pushed the glass into A.J.'s chest. "I'm getting another drink."

After grabbing another drink, he weaved through groups of people back to A.J.

"Feeling better now?" A.J. asked wryly.

"Much."

"Well, don't look now but I think..."

It was too late. Kevin had already noticed the fact that Nick was leading the girl toward the door, holding her hand tightly. As a response, Kevin raised his glass and drank his second drink in the same fashion to the first. "I'm just fucking fine," he replied, slamming the glass down on the table.

"Hey!" A.J. called. "Where are you going?" He sighed. "Yeah, it's only my birthday."

~****~