Long Lost

 

© Sweet-Kisses™

 

~*~

 

Kevin turned his head to the side, slumping in his chair while he waited for someone, anyone, to tell him that Nick was going to be okay. He sighed and felt tears pricking against his eyelids the more he thought of Nick being beaten up and himself not being there to help. He wondered if Nick had called out to him, had wanted him to help, to get him out of the mess he was in. He continued to think about Nick being hurt, beaten on the ground, like a recurring nightmare that had him in a constant hell. And the more he thought, imagined Nick on the ground, bleeding, hurt, unconscious, the more he wanted to scream, cry, sob uncontrollably and then...go out on the biggest hunt he had ever been on in his life and not stop until he had justice.

 

And of course, justice would only come in the form of death.

 

He didn’t even know why Nick had been the victim of this violence. He had racked his brain trying to come up with an explanation, a reason, as to why Nick was the bearer of all this. And he couldn’t. He couldn’t think of a single goddamn reason as to why anyone would want to hurt Nick the way they had. Everyone loved Nick. Everyone who had ever met him in their life had all said that Nick was a likeable guy, a man that people were generally drawn to in such a friendly and relaxed way.

 

He had charisma. He had charm. He had the ‘thing’ that just lured people to him, something that Kevin always admired. And he had a good heart, too. Kevin knew that. That was one of the reasons why Kevin loved him. Everyone loved Nick, everyone, and Kevin just couldn’t understand why this had happened to Nick. After all, Nick had lived his life so perfectly. He couldn’t think of a single bad thing that Nick had done in his life to deserve this. It was senseless. Purely and utterly senseless.

 

But maybe there was no reason behind it, Kevin supposed. Maybe Nick was the first guy they saw that night, being all alone in a desolate parking lot with no-one around made him an easy target. Kevin came to this conclusion. Maybe they just saw him and on the spur of the moment, decided to attack. Crimes that had no reason were happening every day. People were getting hurt by others with no reason at all, and after all, war was a senseless act.

 

So maybe this was just like war. Maybe whoever had hurt Nick were just angry people with a few issues and saw Nick and decided to take their anger and issues out on an innocent man. Kevin mused that possibility and saw a few elements of truth in them. Maybe that was just what had happened, after all. Nick was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. An innocent man in a precarious place.

 

But why did it have to be him? Kevin wondered tearfully for the millionth time. Why did it have to be Nick?

 

And for the millionth time, Kevin received no answers to his questions.

 

All four men had been waiting for what seemed like years for any updates on Nick’s condition, whether or not he was going to pull through and whether or not he was going to wake up and be the same Nick that they all knew and all loved to the ends of the Earth. They had spoken to the doctor who was administering Nick’s condition and they had been informed that Nick was slowly stirring in his sleep, waking gently out of the morphine that he was sleeping on and Kevin’s heart leapt.

 

He wanted to see Nick so bad, talk to Nick, find out what Nick remembered, that he was going somewhat insane. He had seen Nick, but only through glass. And when Kevin had put his eyes on Nick, Kevin began to sob against the glass. Nick was just laying flat on his back, between the stark white sheets and his face was devoid of expression. And Kevin saw the bruises and deep cuts on Nick’s face. It was then that he immediately felt like dying.

 

Their hearts had started racing the moment they saw the police again, Kevin included this time, and again, nothing. There was no traces of evidence at the crime scene or witnesses. No security cameras, no security guards, no witnesses, no nothing. Kevin then wondered what kind of a world they were living in when people like Nick got hurt at the drop of a hat, simply for existing. And Kevin had become quite belligerent in the officer’s company and began to hurl abuse at them both. The remaining three men looked on with shocked faces, allowing Kevin to let out his anger, frustration and sadness while the two officers remained standing in front of Kevin, looking somewhat embarrassed and apologetic.

 

But Kevin didn’t care. He didn’t care who he yelled at, as long as the people who had hurt Nick would get what they deserved and Nick would be better again. As long as Nick was going to be the same, the same Nick that they knew, Kevin didn’t care about himself. He had stopped caring about himself the moment he had begun to see Nick in a different light, the moment he had begun to think of Nick as somewhat more than just the person that had been his friend for so long, but as a person he could maybe get to know on a more intimate scale, and when he had he realized that Nick was just misunderstood and vulnerable, because beneath that sunny smile, boyish laughter and carefree attitude, he had been deeply hurt by people who didn’t love him for him, and what Kevin found was a maturing man who just wanted to be loved.

 

Kevin felt the uncontrollable urge to start sobbing again and this time, he made a dash for the nearest bathroom. The moment he closed the door behind him, he leaned against the chrome sink, taking in deep, strangled breaths, hot tears finally breaking loose and running down his cheeks like a raging river. His chest was tight as he continued to sob hysterically and gasp for breath, his cries echoing in the quiet room, his heart feeling as though it were breaking. When he caught sight of his face in the mirror, he immediately ceased crying, splashed cold water on his face and took in several deep, shaky breaths to gain composure over himself. He had to be strong, he knew that. He had to be strong and give that strength to Nick when he woke up, to help him through the difficulty of the situation.

 

Looking in the mirror, Kevin had a flashback of about two years. He didn’t know why he suddenly began to remember it...

 

Kevin downed the rest of the drink in the tall glass and placed it back down on the table. “That’s it. I’m done, and we’ve got an early start tomorrow.”

 

Nick glanced at his watch and sighed. He knew it was getting late and he knew that they all had an early start the next day, but he didn’t want to leave. He was starting to enjoy the few hours that he spent alone with Kevin, away from the rest of the guys. He found that he could really talk to Kevin, tell him what he was feeling, confess a few secrets and hopes and wishes and what shocked him was that Kevin seemed to be interested, he seemed to care. And he never realized that until now. It had taken him years. He looked up and saw that Kevin was already slipping into his jacket.

 

“Oh, all right.”

 

Soon, they were strolling out of the bar that had become their regular for the last month or two. Nick and Kevin both walked casually, silently over to their car, enjoying the compatible peace that had fell on the both of them. Reaching his car first, Nick stopped and turned to face Kevin with a small smile.

 

“So...tomorrow?”

 

Kevin nodded. “Uh-huh. Six. And don’t be late.”

 

Nick burst out laughing. “You’re telling me not to be late? You’re always late! I should be the one telling you not to - ”

 

“Nick...”

 

Nick stared at Kevin for several long moments. He was silenced by the look that Kevin was giving him. It was one of those hypnotic, I-can-make-you-do-anything-I-want type stares that Nick couldn’t help but feel totally powerless under. And he began to notice that Kevin was stepping closer to him. So...what was going on here?

 

“Kevin...?”

 

Before Kevin thought twice about his next move, he pressed his lips down gently on Nick’s and as soon as he did, Kevin heard Nick let out a soft gasp, but he didn’t pull away. And Nick didn’t either, for that matter. Nick felt lost, under a spell, intoxicated, and he slowly ran his hand up Kevin’s arm, feeling the muscles ripple slightly as he did, across his shoulder and around to support Kevin’s neck, gently caressing the nape of Kevin’s neck with his fingertips. Kevin responded by carefully wrapping his arm around Nick’s waist and pulling him closer until their chests were touching, pressing together softly. He then parted his lips and delicately brushed his tongue against Nick’s and –

 

Nick quickly shoved Kevin away as though his brain had finally registered who it was that he was kissing, himself breathing heavily. His fingers instantly covered his lips, his eyes wide, his whole body tingling. He didn’t understand how that could’ve happened. It had happened so fast. He was taking deep breaths, his blue eyes still huge and full of shock, his heart racing. His fingertips were now placed on his lips, his lips trembling and he was sure Kevin would notice.

 

“Kevin? What the – ?”

 

“Sleep tight, Nicky,” Kevin drawled with a soft smile and disappeared into the night, leaving Nick standing there by himself, frozen in his place by disbelief, surprise and maybe, just maybe, by a hint of...excitement...

 

Kevin stared back at himself in the mirror, his blue-green eyes sad, hollow and dark with lack of sleep and bloodshot with all his tears and his crying, his skin pale. He looked like a completely different person. Like someone who didn’t know how to cope with what was going on around him. And that was the truth, he didn’t know how to cope with what was going on around him. It was just like someone had said to him, “okay, you’ve had happiness and a good run for a little while, now take this for all the good you’ve had.”

 

And he hated it. He hated whoever had done this to him because just because he looked like a strong person didn’t necessarily mean that he was and mostly he hated whoever had done this to Nick, because Nick didn’t deserve what had happened to him. Nick didn’t deserve to be beaten to an inch of his life, so that he wouldn’t know who he was. No one deserved that.

 

Kevin dried his tears, composed himself quickly, took a few deep breaths and walked out of the bathroom, back to where he had been sitting for the last hundred years. Or what felt like the last hundred years. Time seemed to move so slowly all of a sudden. And when he walked down the long corridor, he saw the doctor that he had been previously speaking to standing in front of A.J., Brian and Howie, talking candidly. Kevin’s eyes widened, his heartbeat quickened its pace and he walked quickly over to his friends.

 

“Well?” Kevin asked expectantly.

 

The doctor turned to him with a small smile. “I have some good news. Nickolas is awake.”

 

Kevin breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank God.”

 

“I questioned him again, the same questions I asked before he slipped into fugue and he knows that his name is Nickolas Carter and that he’s 22 years old. But unfortunately, that is all. But don’t worry, the rest will come to him in time.” She checked her clipboard briefly and looked back up at Kevin. “You’re his next of kin and right now we’re only allowing family, so if you’d like to see him…”

 

Brian reached out for Kevin’s arm. “Kevin? Can you tell...can you tell him that we love him?”

 

“Whatever happens,” Howie said, “we’ll get through it. All of us. So don’t worry so much, okay?”

 

“He’ll be as good as new,” A.J. added. “You’ll see, and you’ll wonder what you ever worried about.”

 

Kevin nodded and followed the doctor down the long white corridor that seemed as though it were a psychiatric unit, just all doors situated one after the other and they were all closed. Everything around him was dead and quiet, and it made Kevin feel more than just a little uneasy. He hadn’t felt that way in such a long time. A very long time, in fact. The last time he remembered feeling as uneasy as he was right then was the time in which he had asked Nick what was going on between them two years ago, at the beginning of their relationship. Kevin had questioned Nick on what and how Nick felt about him, where Nick thought several dates was leading to, what was happening to their relationship, whether it was curiosity or something deeper, maybe even a connection that would hold them together for life.

 

And when Nick had answered that he felt as though he could do anything with Kevin, be anything he wanted to be, confident, mature, silly, whatever and that Nick wanted to find out what could become of their relationship, Kevin had stopped feeling uneasy, because then he felt elation, happiness, excitement...

 

The doctor suddenly stopped. “Okay. I’ll give you some time alone with him. Try not to inundate him with questions, he’ll only feel more lost.”

 

Kevin nodded and watched the doctor disappear down the corridor. He looked through the glass and saw Nick with his eyes closed, resting but alive. Kevin noticed his chest moving up and down as he breathed deeply. Thank God he’s alive. The rest doesn’t matter...

 

Kevin took a deep breath and opened the door to Nick’s room. As he stepped through the door, Nick kept on sleeping and he closed the door silently behind him, then reaching for a chair beside Nick’s bed. Kevin stared at Nick and bit down on his lower lip to stop himself from crying and took Nick’s hand in his.

 

“I love you,” he whispered, kissing Nick’s hand softly. “I really love you, no matter what...”

 

Nick immediately opened his eyes and pulled his hand away as though he were scorched and stared at Kevin with a shocked look. “Who are you? Do I know you? And what the hell were you just doing?”

 

Kevin’s heart sank deep in his chest and somewhere he felt his break into millions of tiny pieces, but he managed to keep on smiling and forget about the years that had all of a sudden meant nothing, the love that seemed so easy to forget and destroy, a relationship and a life that was nothing but a memory...

 

“I’m Kevin,” he said. Up close, Kevin could see the severity of the cuts and bruising all over Nick’s face. One of his eyes were blackened and his cheeks were stitched. “You don’t know me?”

 

Nick shook his head and when he spoke, his voice was raspy and dry. “No, I don’t.”

 

“I’m...”

 

Kevin paused for a moment. What the hell do I say? Friend? Lover? Boyfriend? Oh yeah, I’m the guy you’ve been sleeping with for the last two years but you don’t remember. I’m your boyfriend, Nick…surprise! 

 

“I’m your...friend. I’ve been your friend, more like your brother for the last nine years.”

 

Nick’s brow furrowed, a tiny frown creased his forehead, digesting all the information carefully and then nodding slowly. “Oh. Okay. So you’re...Kevin. And you’re my friend. But, umm...” He sighed. “Can I ask why you were just kissing my hand?”

 

Kevin deliberately ignored the question. “We’ve all been worried about you. Your other friends are out there waiting for you. They really love you, Nick.”

 

Nick sighed again, this time in frustration. “No, answer my question. Why are you the only one here? Why are my other friends waiting outside and not in here? And why were you kissing my hand?”

 

Kevin felt a rush of heat warming his face and he took in several deep, shaky breaths. “Well…I can’t really explain...but...”

 

Nick stared at Kevin with wide eyes, just staring at him. As he did, his mouth fell open slightly in surprise and realization crossed his face. And Kevin looking away and blushing did nothing to help Nick’s realization. He then cleared his throat and turned away. “I’m really tired now. I’d like you to leave.”

 

Kevin’s lower lip trembled and he fought off the tears that threatened his eyes once again and could do nothing but nod and stand up. “Okay, if that’s what you want.”

 

“Thanks for caring, though,” Nick replied in a somewhat sarcastic voice, as though the words could make up for what pain Kevin was feeling at that moment.  

 

Kevin nodded again and made his way over to the door and looked back once again at Nick before he closed the door behind him as he left. His chest began to tighten again as he stood against the wall and lowered his head, breathing in short, stagnant patches. The tears began to fall again. It was what he feared. Nick didn’t know him and everything that he had ever loved was ruined. Everything that they ever had together was destroyed and now Kevin knew that there was no hope of anything being restored again.

 

~**~