Long Lost

 

© Sweet-Kisses™

 

~*~

 

“Shit,” Nick murmured to himself. “I can’t remember any of this! It’s useless!”

 

He was sitting up in his hospital bed and supported by pillows, alone. Scattered across the sheets he was laying between were photos of himself, some alone and some with his friends. Even some with Kevin. He had a few magazines with himself on the cover and one with him and the rest of his friends. They looked like girl magazines and he wondered why he was on the cover in the first place. But then A.J. told him that millions of girls around the world loved him. It was hard to imagine that he could possibly be classified as an idol by so many people, since he looked in the mirror that morning and saw nothing but a bruised, pale face complete with stitches and dark circles around his blue eyes. Hardly a face to love.

 

But he couldn’t believe the way he looked in some of these photos and magazines. He looked like an entirely different person. In the photos and magazines, his smile was bright, his complexion was healthy, his eyes were sparkling...he looked genuinely comfortable and happy. But now, he looked the opposite. He looked on the verge of death.

 

What he also couldn’t believe was some of the things he said when he was interviewed. Why people would care what he thought and said was completely beyond him, but it appeared as though some did. He flipped through one of the magazines to an interview that also had him on the opposite page. The interview was entitled, “The Nick You Never Knew!”

 

“How suspenseful,” Nick murmured dryly, shaking his head and began to read. In the interview, which dated back just six months, he was asked about singing, his role in the group, his own personality, the other guy’s personalities and habits, good and bad, which gave it an overall light-hearted approach. Nobody was asking his political views, but they weren’t exactly treating him as though he didn’t have a single brain cell, either. However, the last questions made him gasp.

 

Who would you say you were closest to out of all the guys?

 

Well it’s obvious that I’m close to them all, just for different reasons. I’m close to A.J. because there’s only two years between us so we’re on the same wave length most of the time. Brian’s always been like my big brother, in every sense. And Howie’s like my guardian angel, he’s always trying to protect me and the guys. But overall, I’d have to say I’m closest to Kevin. Though he’s a lot older than me, he’s the one I go to for advice about anything and everything. He’s like my father away from home and my big brother and my best friend. We’re all close and we all get along like we’re a family. I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.

 

So, what would people be most surprised to find out about you?

 

(Laughs) You’d be surprised to find out some of the stuff I get up to! Sorry, but I plead the fifth on this one...

 

Nick rested back against the pillows and closed his heavy eyes for a few moments. Exactly what did he get up to? What did he do in his free time, in the time that he had to himself? And exactly what went on between him and that guy Kevin who was always trying to talk to him? He was annoying, that’s what he was and Nick had enough of that. As long as Kevin kept his distance, Nick would be better off. But he was still confused and lost, and nothing would change that. Sighing softly, despondently, he helped himself out of his bed and wandered into the adjoining bathroom...

 

The moment Nick stepped into the bathroom, the door to his room opened and Kevin stepped inside. He closed the door quietly behind him and looked around. There were lots of flowers in vases of water located around the room, perfuming the air sweetly and giving color to the otherwise stark hospital tones. He was surprised to see Nick’s bed vacant, the sheets thrown about in a messy fashion. What he was also surprised to see were magazines and photos strewn across it. He gazed down with wistfulness at a picture of just the two of them, their arms about each other shoulders, smiling, and their eyes bright with happiness.

 

What happened to that? Kevin wondered sadly.

 

Before he could think of a reply, Kevin heard a noise from the bathroom. Placing the photo back down on the bed, he took a few steps over to the slightly ajar door and pushed it open. What he saw was Nick standing in front of the bathroom mirror in only loose grey pants, holding a small white package in his hand and a bottle of a yellow-tinged liquid on the counter. Kevin gasped softly, but Nick seemed to be concentrating on reading something on the back of the white package to notice, and Kevin was going to turn away. But...he didn’t. Kevin saw the bruising all over Nick’s body, and he wanted to cry. How much pain he must’ve been in...

 

“Do you mind?”

 

Kevin blinked and snapped back into reality. “Oh! I’m...I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to...I was just...”

 

Nick’s stare was cold. “Staring is what you were doing.” He placed his hands on his hips. “Take a good look? Whoever got to me sure did a hell of a job, don’t you think? Why not take a picture? You can add it to your collection!”

 

Kevin counted to three to calm himself down before replying. “I wasn’t staring. I heard a noise in here and thought that – “

 

“You’d get a free show,” Nick snapped. “Well...” He stretched out his arms. “Now you’ve had it, get out.”

 

Kevin pointed to the small medicinal parcel in Nick’s hand. “Do you need help?”

 

“No,” Nick almost yelled. “Did I not just ask you to leave? Are you deaf?”

 

“Then why did I see your fingers tremble trying to open that?” Kevin replied. “And I know you can’t stand the smell of that antiseptic. I know you hate it so much that you won’t even use it, even though you have to.”

 

A little bit of anger and resistance died on Nick’s face at Kevin’s words, which were all true. He did need help, also true. So…maybe Kevin could help. Not that he was trying to be nice, he was only thinking about his own welfare and Kevin was a last resort. “Fine. Basically, I’ve just got to take off this,” he said, motioning to the dressing covering his hips, “make sure that I use the antiseptic on the cuts and then use a new dressing. Can you handle that? Because it seems that you’ve worked out that I can’t.”

 

“Sure,” Kevin replied and took the dressing from Nick and began tearing it open. An awkward silence descended upon them and Kevin had to break it immediately. He felt so uncomfortable. “So…don’t you have a nurse to do this?”

 

Nick wrinkled his nose in a way that Kevin always found adorable. “Yeah, but she’s not very delicate. I told her I’d take care of it after she nearly burnt off all my skin using that smelly antiseptic crap.”

 

Kevin chuckled. “Well, I’ll try and be gentle.” He looked into Nick’s eyes. “This might just hurt a little bit, okay?” With as much delicacy as he could, he removed the dressing from Nick’s body. His fingers touched Nick’s skin and it felt like velvet on his fingertips. Kevin remembered it well, and it almost bought tears to his eyes. He cleared his throat. “That okay?”

 

Nick nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. I didn’t feel a thing.”

 

Kevin then picked up the bottle of antiseptic and poured a small amount onto a wool pad. “You’re right, the stuff really does stink,” he said softly, dabbing Nick’s abrasions as carefully as he could. When he heard Nick gasp, he quickly stopped. “Did that hurt? I’m sorry.”

 

The look on Nick’s face clearly said ‘so you should be’ but he didn’t say as much. “It’s okay. I’m strong enough to handle it.”

 

“I always said you were a strong one,” Kevin said quietly, continuing to cover the abrasions on Nick’s body as painstakingly as possible with the antiseptic. “I always knew that, even if no-one else thought or thinks so.”

 

Almost a small smile crossed Nick’s face at Kevin’s words. But...only almost. “Really?”

 

Kevin nodded. “Sure, I did.” He then gently placed the dressing over the grazing and bruises and made sure that it stayed firmly in place. “There, that should do it. Are you okay?”

 

A dark look crossed Nick’s face, a deep frown creased his forehead and he sighed in frustration. He made a grab for his shirt and covered his chest with it. “Would you stop asking me that all the time?” he demanded. “I’m sick and tired of it!”

 

Kevin lowered his eyes. Obviously Nick’s moment of kindness was just that, a moment and it hurt Kevin to no end that Nick didn’t understand the magnitude of Kevin’s love for him. Seemed unbelievable that something could change so quickly, but it did and Kevin was powerless to stop it from continuing to change.

 

“I just didn’t want to hurt you and I wanted to make sure that you weren’t in pain. You know...brother to brother.”

 

“Right,” Nick replied in disbelief.

 

“I’m serious.”

 

After a moment’s thought, Nick rolled his eyes. “Whatever,” he murmured. “Can you get out while I get dressed?”

 

Kevin silently left the room and closed the door while Nick quickly slipped back into his clothes again. Nick stared at himself in the mirror. His complexion was still pale, the bruising and cuts were still evident but were beginning to heal somewhat. His eyes were sunken. He sighed and opened the door to step out of the bathroom and back into his room, finding Kevin sitting on a chair near his bed, staring wistfully out of the window.

 

The sun streamed through the windows that had the blinds pulled back and the light cast a soft yellow gleam on Kevin. There was just something about Kevin that made him not want to turn away, no matter how much he made himself...there was just something, but he just didn’t know what or just couldn’t remember what...

 

“You’re still here?” Nick asked as he made his way over to his bed and glided between the sheets again.

 

Kevin turned away from the window slowly. “How did you know what happened to you? Who told you?”

 

“Brian, if you must know,” Nick said after a moment’s silence. “I asked him and he told me. Simple as that.”

 

Kevin clasped his hands together. How could you tell the one person that you loved the most that you were responsible for their near-death experience? He didn’t have a clue where to begin. “I’d like to explain a few things about that. See, I was there with you that night and you wanted to – “

 

“If all you’re going to do is sit there and reminisce to ease your conscience,” Nick snapped, his hands clenched into fists, an angry expression crossing his face, “then I’d rather not have you here.”

 

Kevin winced slightly and shielded himself with his arms by folding them across his chest. “But I want to tell you about…well, you and me, and what happened.”

 

“Well, I don’t want to hear about it!” Nick yelled. “If you want me to say that I don’t hold you responsible for what happened, then I’ll just say it. I don’t hold you responsible for what happened. Feel better now?”

 

“But you do,” Kevin whispered.

 

“Damn right I do!” Nick cried. He was about to continue but then he saw the tears forming in Kevin’s eyes, though he tried to discreetly hide them. “Don’t tell me you’re going to start bawling. That’s the last thing I need right now.”

 

Kevin looked up at Nick. When he did, his expression was full of sadness and hurt. “But I tried to…I mean, I tried to make you leave but – “

 

“Don’t even bother,” Nick snapped. “I don’t want to hear it.”

 

“Why do you hate me?” Kevin asked, his voice quavering.

 

Nick looked directly into Kevin’s eyes when he answered, his own eyes widening. “Why wouldn’t I? If you were me, you would too.”

 

Kevin stared down at his feet and nodded slowly. The last thing he wanted to hear was that Nick hated him, but what could he do to change that? And it was quite obvious that nothing would persuade Nick to think otherwise. So he really had no choice but to agree with Nick and not cause another argument. After all, when he really thought about, he could understand Nick’s anger toward him and Nick was probably correct in assuming that if the situation were reversed, Kevin would act the same as Nick.

 

“I suppose...” Kevin paused momentarily. “I guess that I’ll just leave it at that.”

 

“And also leave, yourself,” Nick added curtly. “If you don’t mind.”

 

Abruptly, the door to the hospital room opened and A.J. sauntered inside, looking as happy and bright as the sunshine. Immediately, he felt the tension that he could cut with a knife and saw the angry expression on Nick’s face and the sad, sorrowful one from Kevin.

 

“Hey, A.J!” Nick exclaimed, looking all too happy to have something to take the attention away from Kevin and himself. “Take a seat.”

 

A.J. frowned slightly and took a small glance at Kevin. Also immediately, he caught on. “I don’t want to interrupt. I’ll come back later, if you want.”

 

“No, no,” Nick replied quickly. “Kevin was just leaving. Weren’t you?”

 

Kevin stared at Nick for a moment, knowing that the look on Nick’s face clearly told him that he wasn’t wanted and had really no choice but to agree. He nodded reluctantly. “Umm...yeah, I was leaving.”

 

A.J. watched Kevin leave the room without saying goodbye or saying another word with confusion. Something wasn’t right. Telling Nick he’d be back, he quickly walked down the hospital corridor toward the entrance, following Kevin’s lead. He wanted to wait until he was outside the hospital, in case a commotion was caused.

 

Upon exiting the doors, he called out to his friend. “Kevin!”

 

When Kevin turned around, A.J. stopped instantly at the expression on his friend’s face. He then quickly offered solace in the form of a brotherly embrace. Kevin collapsed instantaneously and began to sob.

 

I never would’ve believed it in a million years, A.J. thought in amazement. Kevin Richardson is crying.

 

~**~