Long Lost

 

© Sweet Kisses

 

~*~

 

 These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase…

When you cried, I’d wipe away all of your tears

When you screamed, I’d fight away all of your fears

I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me…

 

Kevin walked through the glass doors that led into his house from the pool. He had a towel slung around his neck and water droplets covering his chest and back, his hair wet and spiky. He had thought that doing a series of laps would take away the pain of what he was going through with Nick, but he was wrong. He had only thought more of Nick and the pool had only reinforced how much he missed Nick. The house was just so quiet and empty without him. He hated it, he really hated it. Whoever said silence was a good thing was obviously wrong. The silence in the house was killing him, and he had never felt so alone in his life. He had depended so much on Nick for companionship, to be the person that would always be there when everyone else disappeared, to be the person that would always love him, no matter what they went through.

 

But Nick was gone and Kevin was certain at the point that Nick would never want him again. He had tried to accept the fact that their relationship was over, he had tried to make himself realize that whatever was between them was over. He had tried extremely hard, but each time he either ended up making himself feel more pain or crying. He was sick of crying, and he had cried so much since Nick had been hurt. He was pretty sure that he had never cried so much in his life, at least not since the passing of his father when he was nineteen. This was almost the same. Sure Nick was still alive, but in every sense the Nick he knew and loved was dead...so it was almost uncanny.

 

He couldn’t help but wonder exactly what he had done to deserve something like this. He had tried to live his life as best he could, he believed in karma so he was always nice to everyone, was extremely grateful of what he had and never took anything for granted. So what the hell was going on here? He wondered if this was payback for loving Nick, for being in love with another man. When he had first discovered his love for Nick, he was sure that there were to be some sort of consequence, like his friends not accepting them, his family not wanting anything to do with him, strangers being scornful. But nothing like this...

 

Kevin slowly walked up the stairs to the second floor and down the hall to his bedroom. It was actually the room that he shared with Nick, or used to share. It was so hard for Kevin to make him think of Nick and his life with Nick as past tense. In the room there was a bed fitted with off-white sheets situated in the middle and a small nightstand next to it that had a black clock on it. He remembered how many times he and Nick disagreed with colors and layouts. Nick wanted everything bright and loud. Kevin wanted everything soft and sedate. The end result was a compromise of brightly painted walls, white carpeting and black accessories. It was actually a look that Kevin had grown to love, just like how Nick was in his mind. He just grew on you, you liked him more as you knew him. Kevin firmly believed that, with no hesitation...

 

Kevin quickly dried himself with his towel and sat down on the bed. He sighed and looked around himself. There were so many memories, so many happy times. He used to love living where he was, but now he realized that he would love living anywhere as long as Nick was with him.

 

He reached over to the nightstand and pulled out a photo in a silver frame that he begun to keep close to him. It had been taken on the beach, of a smiling person with blonde hair and blue eyes, looking happy and content. The person looked happy and content because it was obvious that the person was in love with whoever had taken the photo.

 

He was in love with me...

 

Kevin stared into the photograph and stared into the trusting, loving eyes and instantly had a sad realization. No-one will ever look at me that way again, no-one but Nick...

 

“Let me capture your beautiful smile,” Kevin said affectionately, rumpling his partner’s blonde hair. When all he received in response was a frown, Kevin added sweetly, “pretty please?”

 

Nick kept his arms tightly locked around Kevin’s neck and pretended to pout. “Aww, but I was having fun kissing you!”

 

Kevin chuckled and his heart filled with happiness and love as he stared into Nick’s blue eyes. “It’ll only take a minute. Promise!” After several moments of coaxing, Kevin had his camera tightly in his grasp. “Alright, blondie, let’s see it.”

 

“See what, exactly?” Nick joked, arching an eyebrow. “Please, Mr Richardson, be specific here.”

 

Kevin cast Nick his trademark death-stare. “Your smile, Nick, your smile.”

 

Nick suddenly struck a Saturday Night Fever inspired pose. “Good enough?” He laughed at himself and the annoyed expression on Kevin’s face. “Oh, alright, grumpy.” He stopped posing and gave Kevin a dazzling smile. “Better?”

 

“Much,” Kevin answered. A quick flash followed and Kevin lowered the camera. “See? Only took a minute.”

 

“Now can I go back to kissing you?” Nick asked, his arms outstretched.

 

“Oh, if you must...” 

 

Kevin clutched the photo tight to his chest, curled up on the bed and closed his eyes. Before he drifted off to sleep, he felt tears running down his cheeks. He had thought that he had cried too much already. But then again, maybe he hadn’t cried nearly enough...

 

~**~

 

Kevin walked through the glass doors of the hospital and down the corridor to Nick’s room. Even though he was reluctant to return and even though Nick didn’t want anything to do with him, Kevin still had to find strength to face him and be a friend. The circumstances weren’t the best, but Kevin knew that he still had to be there for support. But really, deep down, he was secretly wishing that one day he would walk through the door to Nick’s room and Nick would remember everything, remember him, and everything would all go back to what it was before Nick had been hurt.

 

Kevin still wanted to kill the people who had hurt Nick in the first place. As far as Kevin was concerned, they were the cause of the problems. They deserved nothing less than death, he thought...

 

Just before Kevin arrived at Nick’s room, the doctor that had been administrating Nick’s case was walking up to him with a smile on her face, a stethoscope slung around her neck and a clipboard on her hand. “Kevin, nice to see you,” she said warmly. “How are you?”

 

“Been better,” Kevin said dryly.

 

The doctor nodded sympathetically. “I just thought that I’d let you know that we’re going to release Nick tomorrow. There’s no reason why he can’t go home to his creature comforts and good friends.”

 

Kevin frowned. “Are you serious?” he demanded. “You’re going to release him, even though he can’t remember anything about himself or his life. What kind of a place is this?”

 

“Kevin, calm down,” the doctor said soothingly. “There’s no physical reason why he can’t be released. He’s healing very quickly and shown he’s extremely capable of looking after himself. As for his mental state…sometimes magic happens when a person is subjected to their old surroundings. It can really be therapeutic, and believe me on this one, okay? I’ve seen it happen many times. I’m also going to recommend a psychologist Nick should talk to when he’s released.”

 

Kevin watched the doctor stroll down the hall in confusion. He shook his head and opened the door to Nick’s room. When he did, he saw Brian, A.J. and Howie sitting around Nick’s bed and all laughing and looking happy. As soon as Kevin stepped into the room, the laughter stopped and they all looked toward him.

 

Great, I’m a walking conversation stopper...

 

Howie felt the tension in the air and tried to smile again. “Hey, did you hear? Nick’s going home tomorrow.”

 

Kevin nodded. “Yeah, I know. I was just talking to the doctor before...”

 

Nick refused to make any eye-contact with Kevin and was annoyed that he was even there. “So, who’s taking me home? Who’s going to show me where I live?”

 

This was greeted with silence. The three men sitting around the hospital bed all looked to Kevin. Kevin responded by glaring at them. Brian cleared his throat, the first to speak. “Well...you’ll go home with Kevin and – “

 

“Why?” Nick demanded in a loud voice. His face looked incredibly angry. “Why am I going home with him?” All were still silent and he saw Kevin lower his head, but Nick didn’t care. “Would someone please do me a favor and answer me?”

 

“I think that Kevin should be the one who explains everything to you,” Howie said calmly, trying to make peace. “I’m sure he’ll explain everything to you then.”

 

“No!” Nick yelled. “I want to know now!”

 

A.J. stood up abruptly, placed a hand on Brian and Howie’s shoulder and gave Nick a smile. “We’ll see you once you’re home and settled in.” He paused. “Let’s go, guys.”

 

Nick sat up quickly. “What the hell is going on here?”

 

“Yeah, what the hell is going on here!” Kevin exclaimed. 

 

The three men remained silent and walked out of the room and closed the door quietly behind them. Kevin stared after them in surprise. Was this their own stupid way of trying to bring them together? If so, it was insane. Nothing was going to do that. Real smooth, guys, Kevin thought and turned back to Nick, who was glaring at him.

 

“Feel proud of yourself now that you got rid of all my friends?” Nick asked, folding his arms across his chest.

 

“I...” Kevin looked toward the door and saw that an exit was quite inviting. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“Wait!” Nick called after him. “What the hell is wrong with everyone?!”

 

Kevin ran down the corridor and out of the hospital doors. He scanned around himself and saw Brian walking ahead of him. “Brian!” He ran quickly to catch up to his friend. “What in the hell was that all about in there?”

 

Brian grinned. “Chill out, cuz,” he drawled, “we got a plan. We thought that if you took him home with you instead of one of us or with his parents, he might actually remember something about himself or you, or us. The Lord above knows there are surely a lot of memories in that house.”

 

Kevin narrowed his eyes. “You think?”

 

“You never know until you try," Brian said and patted Kevin on the shoulder before he started to walk away. "Best of luck, cuz!" 

 

Kevin stood in his place, nodding slowly. “Yeah, it might,” he said to himself quietly and a small smile began to appear on his face. After all, they had been through so much together and no matter what, Kevin knew he would love Nick till death did them part. So the more he thought of the idea, the more he saw a glimmer of hope.  

 

~***~

 

Lyrics: My Immortal – Evanescence