Tears In Heaven

© Sweet-Kisses™

~*~

The day outside was absolutely perfect and the sky was a cloudless blue and the sun was shining its yellow rays onto the Earth and the people and normally it would’ve put Kevin in a happy mood. However, he was anything but happy. He hadn’t been happy since he had walked out of his doctor’s office just over a week ago. Since then, everything had gone bad for him.

Everything was going wrong. Everything wasn’t working out like it should’ve; nothing was going according to his plans. Everything made him sad. Everything made him want to cry. Well, not just cry. Everything made him want to fall in the arms of his friends or his wife and just cry for all eternity and sob his wretched heart out. Everything he looked at had an awful finality about it, knowing that he might not ever see those things again that once he had taken for granted.

Everything around him and everything that he had and owned he had taken for granted and never really appreciated until now. Until now, and time was quickly running out.

Or so he believed.

He knew it was time to tell his friends what was going on. He couldn’t keep lying to them any longer. It was killing him inside, and he needed support. Once he told his friends, he knew he’d have the courage to tell his wife and he knew that that was going to be the hardest thing of all. How does a person tell their most cherished thing in the world that they might not be around for much longer? How did a person say something like that? But he had to. He knew that. He had to tell her, and stop keeping her in the dark.

He’d seen the looks she was giving him and for a few times he thought she had caught on. But all he had to do was lie and she believed him, because she trusted him. Well, now was the time for him to trust her, for her love and support. And the support from his friends. Just the thought of it made him want to cry, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t cry. He had to be strong if he was going to fight this and win the battle. Strength and mentality was everything, and as long as he believed in himself and his will to live and survive, he just had to be all right.

Didn’t he?

Kevin stared at the happy faces of his four best friends in the world. The four men that had seen him through almost everything, bad and good. The four men that supported him through everything, who knew him better than anyone, besides his family and wife, the four who understood him and accepted him for him. They looked so happy, so full of life, so full of vitality, as though none of them had a care in the world. God, if only they knew even the half of what was really going on inside of him...

Brian leaned against the table and frowned. “Anything wrong, Kevin?”

Kevin noticed the concern in his voice and willed himself to nod. “Uh, yeah.” He cleared his throat and took a deep breath, looking at all their expectant faces.

Howie smiled. “Let me guess. Kathy’s pregnant, right? That’s why you’ve been so preoccupied lately?”

Kevin shook his head sadly. “No, that’s not it.”

If only that was the reason...

A.J. sighed exasperatingly. “Well come on! Out with it already!”

Brian leaned closer to Kevin and narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing Kevin’s face and his expression closely. “It’s something bad, isn’t it?” he asked finally in a soft voice.

All Kevin could do was nod helplessly, all words lost.

Nick bit down on his lower lip, his eyes widening. “What’s wrong, Kevin? If it’s something bad, then tell us!”

Howie placed his hand on Kevin’s arm, his eyes pleading with Kevin. “Don’t shut us out, okay? We’re here to help. And we can’t if you don’t tell us what’s going on.”

Kevin’s eyes filled with tears and his lower lip quivered. He exhaled several shaky breaths, trying to fight off a river of tears before he finally murmured, with his head downcast, “cancer. I’ve got cancer.”

Silence descended around the five men sitting at the table and Kevin continued to look away. At least he had told them all. Now they knew. Now they had to deal with it and react in some way or form. But they weren’t. They were stunned into silence. Kevin wished any one of them would break the silence and say something, anything, to let him know that they weren’t as sad as he had been for the last week and a half. He wanted a reaction. Just something that told him that it had registered in their minds.

But there was still an awful silence around them and he hated it. He hated silence.

Say something. Please. Just say something, anything. Tell me it’s okay. Tell me I’ll be okay, because I don’t think I will be...

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Nick jumped up out of his seat with tears in his eyes. “You can’t die!” he cried. “You just can’t!”

Kevin felt a tear trickle down his cheek and a slice across his heart. “I promise you right now that I’m not going to die.”

“Fuck your promises! You can’t promise us that! You can die and I don’t want you to! It’s not fair! I hate you, Kevin! I hate you!” Nick yelled and ran off.

Howie sighed sadly and looked in the direction of where Nick had run off to. “I, umm, I’m sorry, Kevin. I really am and, umm, I think I should go bring Nick back...or calm him down, or something...”

A.J. watched Howie’s retreating figure with a heavy heart and looked back at Kevin, his heart breaking at the sight of Kevin’s head buried in his arms on the table, his shoulders heaving softly, Brian patting his shoulder comfortingly. Surely this wouldn’t beat him. Kevin was too young for this sort of thing to happen to him. He had always taken for granted the fact that all five of them would always be around for each other. But, well, maybe that was all about to change.

And quickly.

“Jesus Christ, Kevin,” he cried softly. “Why didn’t you tell us before or when you first found out, instead of walking around like you were constantly seeing the grim reaper?”

Kevin sniffed quietly and lifted up his head, tears streaking his cheeks and his eyes red and bloodshot. “I only found out just over a week ago and I wanted to tell you all before but I-I-I...”

“Couldn’t,” Brian finished in a murmur and continued to pat Kevin’s shoulder in comfort. “I understand, Kevin. What type of cancer?”

“Colon,” Kevin whispered. “Just like my father.”

A.J. sighed and shook his head. “Damn,” he said to himself.

Kevin wiped away tears that fell down his cheeks like a raging river. “I’m undergoing surgery in two weeks. My doctor told me that the polyps are relatively small and that they were detected early so I’ve got a very good chance of beating this. I want to. I don’t want to die. It’s just not...not fair...” he cried quietly and buried his head in his arms on the table again.

“Have you told Kathy yet?” Brian asked, taking hold of Kevin’s arms and moving them away from his head, forcing Kevin to look up. “Does she know?”

Kevin sniffed and shook his head. “No, she doesn’t. But I have to tell her. Soon.”

Brian forced a small smile on his face, to at least lighten the mood somewhat. “Tell you what. Take her away for the weekend. Somewhere nice. Somewhere away from everything, a place that you both love. Don’t wait for the right time to tell her, make the right time. That’s what I did when I had to tell Leighanne that I needed heart surgery. It made it somewhat easier on the both of us, I think.”

“You think that’s what I should do?” Kevin asked hesitantly.

A.J. shrugged. “Not a bad idea.” He placed his hand on Kevin’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Kevin. You’re going to be okay. You’ll beat this. I know it.”

But deep inside, Kevin had a strange feeling that he just wouldn’t.

~**~

Kathy sat in her office, staring at the door, tapping a pen against her wooden desk, just staring off into space. She frowned and instantly her thoughts went back to Kevin for the millionth time that day and how different he had been acting all of a sudden. It just wasn’t like him. He was never usually that quiet, that sad looking, that somber, and never had she caught him staring at her with tears in his eyes on more than one occasion. She just didn’t know what was wrong with him.

It was as though he had become a different person. She knew him too well and the change had been so dramatic, she didn’t know what to do or how to help him. She knew he hadn’t been sleeping all that well, either, for she had caught him several times in the early hours of the morning out on the deck, staring up at the stars with a wistful look on his face. And all of a sudden, he had gotten so fixated on wanting children.

She knew he loved children and that he wanted his own someday, but she just didn’t know why paternal instincts had hit him all of a sudden. She just didn’t know what to do or if she could help him, or if he wanted her help with whatever was happening to him.

“Ms Lewis, Scott Richards on line two.”

Kathy sighed and placed her pen down. She had kept her maiden name for business purposes and she had made it a point not to broadcast the fact that she was married to one of the most famous men in the world. She didn’t really care about that and she didn’t want his name to take her places. She wanted to make it on her own, thus the use of her maiden name and she knew that Kevin loved that about her.

She pressed the speaker button. “Katherine Lew - “

“Don’t say anything. Just meet me outside your office. I’m taking you to paradise.”

Kathy sat back in her leather chair and suppressed her laughter. “Well, Scott Richards,” she emphasized, “it turns out that I’m happily married so it looks like you’ll just have to enjoy that paradise all by yourself.”

“Would you reconsider if your loving husband was there with a nice bottle of red wine and plans of dedicating himself to your every need and desire?”

“Well,” Kathy drawled, smiling, “I might. I might very well reconsider.”

“Then just walk out of your office right now and he’ll take care of everything else.”

Kathy laughed to herself, grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder. She looked back at her desk and frowned slightly at the pile of work that was waiting. She really couldn’t afford to leave, not with the mountain of paperwork that was sitting there. From the looks of it, she knew that if she stayed, she’d be working well into the night. But she could make up for it. She’d just have to work longer hours when she returned. And besides, she was almost the owner of this company now; she could take time off whenever she wanted. Hell, the President did, so why couldn’t the Vice President?

With that decided, she walked quickly over to the door and threw it open and instantly she was greeted with Kevin standing before her, a smile on his face and his arms outstretched. She gladly fell into them.

Kevin chuckled and kissed her lightly. “I can’t believe that you didn’t work out that Scott Richards was me before you recognized my voice.”

Kathy rolled her eyes. “Please. The world doesn’t revolve around you,” she quipped. “So,” she added, beginning to walk out of the building hand in hand with Kevin, “where’s paradise? Or don’t I get to know yet?”

Kevin shook his head. “Nope. Not yet, my lady Katherine.” He stopped suddenly and pulled her close to him. “Thanks for accepting. It means a lot.”

Kathy shrugged with a cheeky smile on her face. “Oh, you know, I didn’t really have anything better to do, so……”

“I mean it, Katherine,” Kevin said seriously. “I know you’re busy, but...thank you.”

There he goes again. Something is wrong. Oh God, does he want a divorce?

~***~

Paradise, it turned out, was a log cabin beside a calm lake that had crystal blue water and the scenery around them was a beautiful green. The air smelled so sweet and fresh and everything was quaint and quiet around them, when all that they were used to was the busy city life and noises that accompanied it. It truly was a paradise, if only for a day or two. It was nice for them both to take time out from their busy schedules and concentrate on themselves and each other.

And just like Kevin had promised, he had truly dedicated himself to his wife and her needs and she had found herself falling in love with him all over again, and Kevin had found himself falling in love with her all over again and that was what made it so difficult, what made it so heart-breaking, that he had to tell her, finally, that life wasn’t perfect, and he wasn’t perfect, no matter how much he tried to be, and that maybe their promises of forever were just words and nothing more...

They had watched the sun go down and the stars and moon take over in a sky of black velvet, the stars twinkling down on them from the heavens, themselves wrapped tightly in a blanket, just laying comfortably with each other, listening to each other’s rhythmical breathing and watching the world go by. Kevin leaned down and breathed in the perfume of Kathy’s hair and suddenly became close to tears, knowing that he might never again get to breathe in the scent of her that he loved so much.

He peered down at her and saw that her eyes were closed and he couldn’t help but think of how perfect and beautiful she was with her head against his chest and a child-like, innocent expression on her face.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered and carefully placed a small kiss on her forehead. “So beautiful.”

Kathy’s eyes opened at once. “I heard that,” she said softly and yawned, sitting up slightly and kissing his cheek. “Hey, you,” she added in a whisper and buried her head in his neck. “Did I ever tell you that you’re the most beautiful and wonderful man in the world?”

Kevin felt tears pricking against his eyelids when he closed his eyes, wondering how many tender moments like that he had left with his wife. “God, Kathy, I love you.”

Kathy immediately lifted her head when she heard the tortured anguish in his voice and when she found tears in his eyes, she sighed. “Okay, Kevin, that’s it. I’ve had enough of this.”

Kevin frowned. “Enough of what?”

Kathy pushed herself away from him and eyed him vigilantly; wanting all the answers she could possibly gain. “Enough of you looking like you’re going burst into tears every time you look at me. Enough of finding that you don’t sleep anymore and finding you watching the stars. Enough of you suddenly wanting children without any reason.”

Kevin pursed his lips together. “Oh, so I’m not allowed to want a family now, huh?”

Kathy stared straight into his eyes, hating the way he was avoiding her questions. “Kevin, hear me out on this, okay? I’ve been sleeping with you for the last four and a half years so I’m pretty clued in on you and suffice to say, everything changed suddenly about a week and a half ago. The same time you suddenly became quiet, at the same time you stopped sleeping like you normally do. Kevin, you’ve never had trouble sleeping before. What’s going on?”

“So let me get this straight,” Kevin said slowly. “Because you say that I've changed, you think there’s a problem? And what comparison do you have on that anyway?”

“Oh, don’t even go there,” Kathy warned, her eyes narrowing. “Just because I wanted to wait until I got married doesn’t mean I wouldn’t know if something between us had changed. I know what you’re like and what you do and I know that about a week and a half ago, you haven’t been the same. I want to know why.”

“What do you think has changed? How have I changed? Because I don’t think I have,” Kevin objected.

Kathy sighed. "Well, what aren’t you telling me? I told you that you can tell me anything, good or bad and I thought you could trust me. Don’t you trust me anymore? Is that it? You don’t trust me anymore?”

Suddenly, Kevin buried his head in his hands and began to cry. Sob. Heart-wrenching sobs of hurt, pain and agony. “I’m sorry, kitten, I’m so sorry...”

Kathy closed her eyes momentarily, crossing her arms over her chest. “Who is she?” she asked in a toneless voice. “That’s why you brought me out here, right? Who is she? More importantly, how old is she?”

Kevin slowly lifted his head out of his hands, his eyes filled with tears and tears streaking his cheeks. “What?”

“Who is she?” Kathy repeated, this time louder. “Tell me everything. When and how you met, how long you’ve been seeing her, her name, her age, everything.”

Kevin gasped through his soft sobbing. “N-n-no,” he stuttered. “There’s no one else.” He took in a shaky breath. “But there is something.”

“So what is it? If it’s not another woman, then what?” Kathy cried, exasperated. “Just tell me and put me out of my misery already!”

“Cancer,” Kevin whispered.

Kathy blinked. She could’ve sworn she heard the word ‘cancer’. Or maybe she was just dreaming. Or maybe she was just hearing things. Or maybe she had heard wrong. Yeah, that was it. She had heard wrong. “What?”

Kevin bowed his head and began to sob again. “C-c-cancer,” he stuttered again, his whole body beginning to shake. “I’ve got cancer.”

Kathy thought he had to be lying. He just had to be. This couldn’t happen to him. He was too young. He didn’t deserve this. He just had to be lying. He was too healthy to have this happen to him. But just one look at his stricken face and his tears and his sobbing told her that it wasn’t a lie, but a shocking truth.

And suddenly she knew what her role was, she knew what she had to. She knew what she had to say. She had to be there for him. She had to support him. She had to give him confidence. She had to tell him, show him, that she still loved him and would always love him and that he would fight this and beat this and he’d be healthy once more and just like they had imagined, they’d both see each other out until the end, until they were both old, just like they had always dreamed.

“I’m sorry, kitten,” Kevin repeated in a heart-breaking sob. “I’m so sorry...”

Kathy felt her lower lip tremble and she knew that she’d soon dissolve into tears unless she stopped Kevin from crying. She quickly took him in her arms, gripping him tightly, and as soon as his head touched her shoulder, he began to cry even harder, stuttering nonsensical words and phrases and she could tell that he had been keeping this all to himself for too long, even though just a little over a week wasn’t all that long but she could tell it was enough to break him down, and he had, for he started crying like a little boy who had his favorite toy taken away from him.

“Shhh, stop crying,” she crooned, gently caressing the small of his back. “Why didn’t you tell me? You’ve been keeping this to yourself, haven’t you?”

Kevin sniffed, his head still placed on her shoulder. “Y-y-yes,” he stuttered. “I d-d-didn’t w-w-want to hurt y-y-you. I’m sorry, kitten, I’m so s-s-sorry. I don’t want this to h-h-happen to m-m-me. I wanted to love you forever and ever, and n-n-now I-I-I...” He burst into tears again.

Kathy gently lifted his head up off her shoulder and pressed her forehead against his, tenderly wiping away his tears. “Don’t worry, sweetie, you’ll make it through. I know you will. You’re strong and you’re healthy and I’m positive that everything will turn out all right. You’ll see, baby, you’ll see.”

Kevin widened his tear-filled eyes in amazement. “You’re still here.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Kevin drew in another shaky breath. “I thought that...if I told you...you wouldn’t stay with me, you wouldn’t love me...”

Kathy caressed the side of his face with her fingertips. “I don’t know about you,” she said softly, “but I took my vows very seriously and it specifically said ‘till death do us part’.”

Kevin sighed with relief, though it was still a shaky sigh and latched himself firmly onto her, kissing her softly several times until the kisses they shared became longer and more intense, both of them reacting to what the other was feeling and they both felt so emotionally drained. They both held onto each other for dear life, showing, feeling and believing in the only thing in the world that they knew they could.

And that was their love for each other.

~****~