©Sweet Kisses™

~*~

Date: February, 2001
Time: Just after 4 A.M.
Place: My room (sighing - despondently)
Mood: Hell pissed
Weather: Time speaks for itself!
 

Shit. 

Had to survive going out to a club with everyone. Drank too much. Had to survive the sight of Kevin and Kristin together. God, they were all over each other. I wanted to scream, "Damn! Get a fucking room!" He said it's for public appearance only (hmmm). I wonder if he likes sleeping with her (of both kinds). I wonder if he ever thinks about me when he's with her. I mean, he said he would. But how can I be sure? Maybe he's just screwing with my head. Hey, that's no goddamn surprise.

So, he told me that he's falling in love with me. I wanted to believe him, I really did.

After that, he kissed me softly and walked away. Though I know there's really only one "major" way to prove if you're really in love and as it all happens, we haven't gotten that far yet. Maybe he just wants to wait. That's pretty much his point of view on "The Kevin Scott Richardson Sex Theory". Or at least, I think it is. Anyway, who cares? All I can say on this little issue is that I'm dying here.

Watching her kiss him and watching him kiss her back is just torture. Watching her sitting in his lap is even worse. And watching them totally getting it on was the final straw.

And how's this to add insult to serious injury?

When they're both out on the floor, it's like "Hey, what are clothes? What's the appropriate behaviour in public? And how can we get each other off without having sex?"

I don't know what to do. Help me, diary, please. How did all this suddenly happen (confusion, anyone?)? Did it all just come to him after I told him I loved him? And doesn't he know that he's married and basically doing wrong in the eyes of God?

I don't care.

After tonight, she'll be gone.

Woo-fucking-hoo.


Date: February, 2001
Time: 2 A.M.
Place: Kevin's bed
Mood: Satisfied (and it's not what you think)
Weather: Yadda yadda yadda...


Mmmmmm.

Okay, so I need to explain that.

Kristin left about 10 and as soon as she did, Kevin got me from my room and dragged me into his. As soon as the door shut, he pushed me against it and kissed me so aggressively and so deeply, it was like...wow! I thought we were actually going to (well, you know)...but we didn't. It was our first proper and full-on making-out session that almost leads to sex, but doesn't. You know, diary, just fooling around. He told me again and again how much he missed me and I told him how much I missed him.

Anyway, there was a lot of touching, kissing, exploring (hell-oooo!), and of course I was getting more and more turned on as the moments passed (obviously). We quickly stripped each other of clothing and soon we were twisted in the cool sheets and I was like...finally! There was a little battle for supremacy between us, both kissing each other furiously and I could feel a fire beginning to burn inside me. And it was all because of him.

Kevin stopped (again!). He pulled away and told me that he was sorry for going so far (ain't that an anti-climax - using naughty language!). I told him that I loved it. He laughed and took me in his arms. I kind of asked him when it would happen. He kissed me softly and said something like "we'll both know when the time is right." Okay then. Fine. NOT! I guess a hotel room doesn't do much for concealing evidence that could lead back to us.

I'm sure you understand, diary.

Guess what?

I told Kevin that I love him.

He told me that he loves me.

He loves me.

And that's why I'm satisfied.

But for right now, I'm tired (events!) and I'd like to enjoy some quiet time with the most gorgeous man alive, who's sleeping peacefully beside me and looking like an absolute God.

Good night, diary, sleep tight!


Date: February, 2001
Time: Noon
Place: Don't know, don't care (I guess because Kevin's here)
Mood: Content/Confused
Weather: Cool


I happened to catch Kevin in the shower this morning. God. He left the door open to the bathroom and I couldn't resist a peek or two (naughty of me, huh?). I could smell the scent of soap and the steam was beginning to fog up the bathroom, but (thankfully!), I could still see in. He was singing softly to himself (some stupid song by God know's who), and I watched him shower in complete silence and torture (hmmm, wonder why?).

He turned around and raised his face towards the hot water, running his fingers through his hair with his eyes closed. DEEP BREATHS are definitely a must. Again, I'd like to mention, diary, just how beautiful he is and how gorgeous he looks with his hair wet (mmmmm!). I could just imagine the hot water running down his body and just how hot he must be (can we control these raging hormones one day soon?), and how good he would smell.

Let's just say that I wish I was water at that time!

This is love.

I know it is.

And I think that he loves me, too. But, still, I wonder if he's having doubts. I honestly wonder if he's thinking this through and not just using me because I'm here and he gets lonely and he knows that I love him and that I'd do just about anything for him. Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn't. He's probably feeling just the way I am: indecisive. I certainly would be if I was married and getting it on with some guy.

Anyway, perhaps I just need to have a nice, long talk with him. I hate sneaking around. I hate sneaking out of his room really early in the morning in case someone catches us. And, most of all, I hate that he's married.

Diary, do you think he'll ever tell Kristin? Or anyone, for that matter?

It's a curse, and it's something that's not likely to go away.

Ever.

But, like I've said so many times before, diary, I'm involved too much to care.

Or do I?

Confusion, confusion, confusion.

?????????


Date: February, 2001
Time: Late
Place: My room (Kevin's here)
Mood: Don't really know
Weather: Like it matters


Advice: Nickolas and Kevin need to be more careful.

We (Kevin and I, that is) were all alone in the dressing room today and we decided to, well, cuddle up while no one was in sight. So there we were, up against a wall, getting extremely touchy-feely (cute phrase, huh?) with each other, kissing forever and gasping for breath. He was running his hands up the back of my shirt and softly rubbing the small of my back and I had my fingers tangled in his hair. Love his hair. I never knew that just kissing someone and just touching them a little could be such a turn-on. And now I do. Because he's teaching me things I never knew before.

Honest.

Kevin told me I was beautiful and pulled me closer against him to kiss the hollow of my neck. But we just fool around, sex hasn't been fitted into the equation. Not yet, anyway. We continued to kiss and touch each other a little more before I pulled away from him. He gently rubbed my arm and I told him that I loved him. He said he loves me.

Just as I was about to start the kiss again (yes, of course), in came Brian and we quickly made an about-face.

Here's some dialogue to turn you on, diary (not that it does much for me):

Brian frowned and gave us a slightly suspicious look before he started talking. "Nick, where were you last night?"

"Last night?" I repeated. How could I explain that last night I was asleep, with Kevin, in Kevin's bed? "I was in my room."

Brian shook his head. "No, you weren't. I knocked for hours and you never answered. Where were you?"

Kevin just looked at me with a smirk as if to say, "Yeah, Nick, where were you last night?" He's gonna die for that! "Oh, last night. Yeah, well, I had a really bad headache so I took a few pills and had an early night."

Brian raised his eyebrows (oh, what now?). "So now you're a pill popper, huh?"

To say the least. But I couldn't say that. "Look, what does it matter? I had a headache, so I took a few pills. I don't do it on a regular basis, Brian."

Unlike some other things which he doesn't know about.

Brian gave us another suspicious look before he walked out.

Kevin then told me we'd have to be more careful in future. Yeah, that's big news there. Big news, indeed.

Hey, I was careful enough. I never kissed him in public, I never talked to him in public more than usual so no one would get all suspect (and that was tough). I never did any of those things. If someone wasn't married, everything would be all right!

But, if having an affair is what it takes then that's what I'll accept.

I've fallen in love. I can't shout it from the roof-tops because of the circumstances which need no explaining. So I'm in love. Is that so hard to understand?