A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."
The Lollipop
The boy came skipping into the house with a big lollipop in his hands. "Where did you get that?" his mother asked.
"I bought it with the quarter you gave me."
"The quarter I gave you was for Sunday School."
"I know Mom," said the boy, "but the minister met me at the door and got me in free."
Getting Ready For Dinner
Ryan, just over five years old, was out feeding the rabbits. His mother called out the door and said supper was ready. It was a few moments and Ryan came through the door and headed straightaway to the table.
His mother reminded him that he needed to wash his hands before eating.
Ryan showed his hands to his mother stating they were clean, no dirt or other debris on them. His mother replied that they had germs on them did need to be washed.
As Ryan walked off down the hall to the bathroom he remarked; "Germs and Jesus, germs and Jesus, that's all we hear in this house, and I ain't never seen either of 'em"
A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this... When your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"
A pirate walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender walks over to him and says "Hey, I couldn't help but notice when you walked in. Is that a steering wheel hung between your legs?" "Aye!" replied the pirate, "And it's drivin' me nuts!"
A Mother was reading a Bible story to her young daughter.
She read "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt".
Her daughter asked, "What happened to the flea?"
Landlords
Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords...
1. "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared."
2. "I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off."
3. "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door."
4. "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall."
5. "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."
6. "Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three
pieces."
7. "Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant."
8. "When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy."