It was the late 1600s in Philadelphia when Quakers wereroutinely arrested for civil disobedience. At the time, William Penn's mother and two of her sisters owned a successful Quaker business, a bakery. The women increased the price of their pies, specifically donating the money to support the legal expenses of their Quaker friends. Many in the town objected to paying the price increase on political grounds, resulting in extensive public debates about the pie rates of Penn's aunts.
Once upon a time there was this couple, Sam and Mary Clam. Mary was a
quiet girl, went to church, said her prayers. Sam, on the other hand, was
quite a rascal -- gambled, drank, and liked the ladies.
Soon enough the time came, and both Sam and Mary died. Mary went to
heaven, of course, but Sam went down below. Even though Sam had been a
rascal, Mary had loved him very much and missed him terribly. One day, St
Peter was walking by the cloud where Mary was sitting, and noticed how
sad she was. "Mary," he said, "why are you so sad?" And Mary said, "I know
that Sam of mine was not a very nice person, but I loved him very much and
I really miss him." So St Peter took pity on Mary and arranged a day pass
for Mary to go visit Sam
down below.
On the appointed day, Mary took the bus down below & had a wonderful
day with Sam. Turns out he was running a dance hall down there -- lots of
girls, loud music, everyone having a wonderful time. Mary had the best time
of her life spending the day with her Sam, but she had to go back to heaven
and sadly left Sam behind.
The next day, St Peter once again walked by where Mary was sitting on her
cloud, and commented on how happy she now looked. Mary said that she
had had a wonderful time indeed.
"But Mary," St Peter asked, "where's your harp?"
"Oh, no!," said Mary --
"I left my harp in Sam Clam's disco!!!"
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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
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A Bunch Of Friars
A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments; so, they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good Fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
Church Etiquette
A young man living in a Puritan community had difficulty with etiquette. He
asked an old wise man to teach him proper manners.
On their way into church one Sunday morning, the young man was about to
go in ahead of his elder. The old man immediately pulled him back and,
furthermore, allowed a lady to go in ahead of them both.
"Remember," explained the old man,"it is I before Thee, except after She."
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Tidbits
Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
-- Mark Twain
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Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't
realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?
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I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
-- A Bit of Fry and Laurie
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What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.
-- Richard Harkness, The New York Times, 1960
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