I was arrested today for scalping low numbers at the deli. I sold the number three for twenty-eight bucks.

I was once walking through the forest alone and a tree fell right in front of me, and I didn't hear it. I used to be reader for bad mimes.

I lived in a house that's on the median strip of a highway. Very nice grassy area, I like it. The only thing I don't like about it is that when I leave my driveway, it has to be over sixty miles an hour.

I have a microwave fireplace. Lay down in front of the fire for the evening in eight minutes.