(What kind of friend would I be if I didn't do these things?)
I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard who made you sad.
When you are scared,
I will laugh at you and tease you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried,
I will tell you how much worse it could be and to quit complaining.
When you are confused,
I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
When you are sick,
I will hole your hair while you pay homage to the hole in the ground (originally 'porcelain god' but we don't have those back in our time...)
When you fall,
I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath....
I pledge till the end.
Why you may ask?
Because you're My Friend.