What I've Learned
	* I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.  All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. * I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just @$$holes. * I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. * I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.  After that, you'd better have a big weenie or huge melons. * I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think * I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished. * I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities * I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place * I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper * I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away * I've learned to say "F---' em if they can't take a joke" in six languages