Allusions, bumper sticker phrases, call it whatever you like.
- We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
- I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
- He who laughs last thinks slowest!
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
- Hard work has a future pay off. Laziness pays off now.
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
- Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
- I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
- Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
- I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
- I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.
- Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
- The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
- When there's a will, I want to be in it.
- Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
- Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
- I'm a confused as a baby in a topless bar.
- All generalizations are false, including this one.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.
- 90% of all statistics are made up
- A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
- Every time I've built character, I've regretted it.
- Have you ever dated somebody because you were too lazy to commit suicide?
- If the shoe fits, buy it.
- It is not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
- You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
- 'Tis better to be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
- ... Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant
- A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
- A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.
- A day not wasted is a day wasted!
- A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing.
- A dirty book is rarely dusty.
- A friend in need is a pest indeed...
- A friend: someone who likes you even after they know you.
- A mind is a terrible thing to ugg.. I forgot.
- A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
- All I want is a warm bedd, a kind word and unlimited power
- All generalizations are false, including this one.
- Alone: In bad company.
- Always remember no matter where you go, there you are.
- Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.
- An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
- Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly.
- Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain. And most do.
- As I said before, I never repeat myself.
- As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia
- Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: same thing.
- Borderline psychotic with hermit-like tendencies
- Bugs are Sons of Glitches!
- Choose heaven for climate, hell for society.
- Confusion not only reigns, it pours.
- Constant change is here to stay.
- Death is life's answer to the question 'Why?' 502. Do fish get thirsty?
- Do steam rollers really roll steam?
- Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
- Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.
- Efficiency takes time! Frugality: who can afford it?
- Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
- Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
- Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.
- Floggings will continue until morale improves.
- Forgive your enemies... but REMEMBER THEIR NAMES!
- Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.
- Friendship is one soul in two bodies
- Give your child mental blocks for Christmas
- Gravity doesn't exist. The Earth sucks.
- Grow your own dope... plant a man.
- Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional!!
- Gun control is being able to hit your target!
- Help stamp out mental illness, or I'll kill you!
- Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
- How many of you believe in telekineses? Raise MY hand!
- How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
- I still miss my ex-wive... BUT, my aim is improving!
- I bet you I could stop gambling.
- I can resist anything but temptation.
- I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.
- I hate to repeat gossip, so I'll only say this once.