Desiree Keen
February 19,1983
Northeastern State University: English
Stilwell, OK
I have wasted the last 2 and a half years.
Songs of the week: "Fallen" Sarah McLaughlin
Am currently smoking about 4 cigs a day
See what happens when ya sign the guestbook? I have a couple pics up there that I had on disk. I'll scan more in this weekend and post
Thursday, April 22, 2004
Holy shite. Some people probably wanna kill me for dropping off the face of the earth again. Thanks Rusty for reminding me I needed to update this. Well I made some life adjustments lately. Got a full time job working at a payday loan place Check Into Cash, maybe you've seen the completely retarded commercial. It's good money and I work 40 hours a week for the first time in my pampered life. Which leads to the next thing. I have withdrawn from this semester of school. Not to worry I'll be back again soon. Whenever I figure out whatever the hell it is I wanna do. I found a guy who wants to marry me and we looked at rings yesterday. It's pretty. Actually it's gorgeous and I drool when I look at it. But it's not quite mine yet. I'm in the middle of a tornado right now folks. But since I'm an Oklahoman I took a bath, turned on the tv and comp and decided to do this instead of run for cover. Hmmm, what else is new?? Can't think of anything. Drop me a line kids and in the meantime I'll try to liven up my life for your entertainment purposes.
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
8:43 a.m.
Damn I need to update badly! OK, here ya go kids. I haven't crawled in a hole and died at all. Actually I've begun to live again on some scale. I fell in love. Found a fantastic guy who treats me wonderfully AND loves me back! This is a total first. So we live together and life is bliss. Now backtracking a bit. A couple weeks ago I was sick as a DOG. Bronchitis I think, never made it to the doctor to find out. So because of that I missed a crapload of class and I've gotten incredibly lazy and haven't really been to some classes consistently since then. So I'm falling into my old trap again. Also I've been laxing on the sorority front. Thinking about dropping that thang. I really can't justify it to myself timewise or financially. In other happier news: My birthday is Thursday! YAY! I finally tuern the coveted 21. Bout damn time. In other news, I missed Molly's b-day Bash because I was partially sick and completely poor and I've kinda been avoiding her since then because I feel like I've let her down in a big way. I feel like a total slacker and I just can't find any type of motivation to get me out of this funk. Argh. Have an appointment with Ronnie Ketcher this afternoon. He may just be my ticket. Let's hope something fixes this problem.
Tuesday, Jan. 20, 2003
Hmm, these study hours could prove very useful for updating this page twice a week! I'm pretty glad we instated these things because I definitely needed something to motivate me to study and since Molly ain't here this is the next best thing. WOOHOO! I'm gonna make decent grades this semester. Hmm, had a semi-decent weekend. David came down, which was great, but I was on a lil emotional roller coaster and was incredible mean to him. Hopefully he has it in him to forgive me and understand. Hmm, dunno what else to say.
Saturday, Jan 3, 2004 1:14 am
Ok folks, this entry is gonna be random and poetic a bit so just bear with me. I'm in the afterglow. The beautiful glorious afterglow and all I can thnk about is how I wish I could call Andrea and talk to her. Now she and I are completely equal in life. I don't want to move past this point. Any further and I'll be painfully reminded that my footsteps are not near hers. They will soon strike out on their own.
He's beautiful by moonlight. Is everyone this gorgeous by moonlight? I've fallen. It was so easy and natural this time. It clicked beautifully into place and I couldn't help but get swept up in his arms and eyes. So where do I go from here? Do I wait for the shine to inevitably wear off with a cynics grin or a hopeful gaze?
Where have my tears gone? Have they been swept away by the prescription meds or has my heart finally had enough? I wait in vain for the tears to come sometimes. What do you do when your heart is in agony and your face betrays you? I'm scared to death of history repeating itself. My heart just can not handle any more. I'm laying in a million pieces on the floor. Some pieces glitter and some are just razor points. All just want to turn back time because the past is so much safer than the future. What if my shards are just meant to be flung to the wind? Am I foolish to think that they can one day be brought together and lovingly mended? Am I seeking the wrong mender?
Friday, Dec. 26, 2003 1:56 p.m.
People I think I'm finally out of the valley and on my way back to the top again! The date with David blew my mind. It was amazing. We instantly clicked and I felt so comfortable around him. He's definitely a keeper! Christmas went very well. It was practically perfect, spent the morning with my family, talked to David, napped then went out to spend the evening with friends. Can't ask for much more than that. I'm torn about tonight; We're going to Rhonda and Ernie's (Andrea's parents) for Christmas. It'll be fun but on the other hand it will be hard because it will be the Pink Elephant in the room the whole time. We'll all miss her and try to avoid talking about it. We'll see what transpires.
P.S. Andy if David has you reading this I just want you to know that I really like your brother, the age thing doesn't bother me and I'm trying really hard to be friendly to you.
Sunday, Dec. 21st, 2003 2:55 am
Well kids, life is fabulous! And I truly truly mean it. Christmas has got me in the spirit. I have a lil money again and I have met a truly wonderful man. I don't want to rush into things with him, I'm still a lil wary. There's a couple little pesky issues though: We haven't quite met yet, but that is planned for Monday and he's a little bit older than me. But life lately has been one lovely little breeze for me. I spend all my time on the phone with David (Mr. Wonderful) and just have a nice little time. I'm starting to get a little nervouse because when life is this great for so long then something happens to mar the happiness. But I think I've had more than my share of crappy stuff happening so maybe nothing will happen. Speaking of : the high school talk went really really well I think. I didn't think I had it in me to stand in front of 1,000 people and cry my eyes out. But I did it. It kinda helped to see other people crying too. I went and visited Andrea beth's grave after that. We had a nice chat. She made me realize a couple things. Then I went home and had some the best sleep I'd had in a while. It was healing.
Wednesday, Dec 17, 2003 1:16 am
Hmm, I have a crapload to update ya'll on. Norman was a wonderful experience overall. Molly and I shopped our asses off. We got lots of great stuff for lots of people. AND Molly got me a lucky bamboo for Christmas! I might have already posted that, but I love it. I think one internet relationship I had is officailly over. I'm ok with it. Because I've met thsi wonderful guy from Tulsa instead who I have a MUCH much better feeling about. Hmm, the zoloft seems to be doing the trick! I don't feel near as depressed as I used to and I have energy again. I gave 2 of my friends their Christmas presents and they loved em. I LOVE giving presents. It just makes me happy. Ok, now onto the heavy stuff. My uncle Ernie called me today and asked me to give a lil speech to my old high school about not drinking and driving and how drunk driving has affected my life. I said I would, but now I'm getting a little nervous about the whole thing. AND I just realized today that the trial is tomorrow. Yikes this week is gonna be hard. Right before Christmas too. I'm having mixed feeling about all of it. It's just been a hard year. Pray for me ya'll/
EARLY Saturday mornin
Ok. Lots to spill. I had a fabtabulous day until a certain point. I started off just fine by selling my books back and getting on the road at the time I had planned. I had a wonderful experience while driving. It rained most of the way up here but then when I got to Tecumseh it began to snow. Now if anyone has driven in the snow you know what it's like, I felt like I was in the twilight zone. It was awesome. I was so transfixed by the sight of the snow coming toward me that I honestly don't think I was driving very safely. So I got up here fine and hooked up with Molly. I found my energy again. I was having an excellent time with her. We swang by the dorms to hang out with the old crowd. Then I had the idea that fucked us up. I decided we should go visit the guy I set Molly up with. Oh no. Bad idea. He was drunk. He was rude. It was bad. But then after that we ignored it and had a fine time. Mollygot me a lucky bamboo plant! It's cute and I love it and I think it will make me happy and lucky. That's all for now. Feelin some weird issues about a guy in my life. Anyway.
Thursday, THE BEST DAY EVERRRRRR
This day rocks for a number of reasons. Lemme back track just a bit and then get ya up to speed. So last night I got ridiculously tired at 9 p.m. so being the diligent little college student during finals week, I listened to my body and went to bed. Well I woke up five hours later at 2 am WIDE awake. So I gave up and got up. Read a lil, watched some tv, net chatted a lil. So around 6 am I decided to try sleeping again. WRONG. Had a mini-pani attack. Realized just how quickly college is slipping away from me and how i still have no direction. So still didn't sleep. Decided today was the day I suck it up and go see a Psych. best decision I've made in a while! The man was right on the nose about everything! He asked me questions that were amazing. He knew what he was doing! Put me on some good Zoloft. Made an appointment for me to come back and see him. I'm seeing a defintite light at the end of the tunnel. The man's gonna fix me. I have complete faith. And until he does I have some good meds to tide me over. Yeehaw! Maybe Zoloft will replace cigarettes. Which he told me were depression objects! He is amazing. Ronnie Ketcher is a god. Anywho, I gotta kill some time until my Finals tonight. Think I might take a lil nap. Just wanted ya'll to know that life is lookin up for me and I finally got help!
Wednesday, Dec 10, 2003 8:19 p.m.
Today and last night sucked. I shoulda just stayed in bed and claimed the flu for a few days more. I got rejected by 4 friends. 2 last night and two today. I'm about to have a religious experience that includes me not going to a certain church ever again. How can a church call its members christians when they treat other members like crap? I'm just a lil upset about the whole situation. And this is Finals week. I missed a Final today and I'm so depressed that I don't give a crap at all. I have 2 more tomorrow then I'm leavin this place for Norman. Molly loves me. Guys up there wanna sleep with me. it's a much better place. So last night I had a lil panic attack. I realized that by the time I get back to OU this fall that'll be my 4th year. Theoreticall my senior year, but actually the 2cd part of my junior year. And I have no clue what to do with myself after college. No direction. Then I realized that's why my grades are bad. Subconsciensely I don't wanna graduate college yet so I don't put forth effort or get excited about my education.
.