Tall, slender, powerful as hell. But it wasn't just the body...it was the things she said, the things she knew. Much as I can't get my mind off the things she can probably do with that genetically engineered body of hers, I know that most of all, it's those dark, hypnotic eyes that get to me.
If it wasn't for those eyes, I might be able to put her out of my head.
When she broke in here, I wanted to play with her. Then I wanted to use her. Now all I want to do is throw her on the floor and take her, but I can't.
I can't.
All I can do is sit here. I always wanted to change the world with words. Now words are all I have.
The nurses were all so proud of me for adapting quickly. No anger, they marvelled. Such a good attitude.
Fuck them.
Then there are the things they said when they didn't think I could hear them. Such a shame. Such a waste. Such a handsome man.
People learned, when the world went to hell with the pulse, but then they forgot. I forgot: When you do something, you never consider it might be for the last time. Cross a street, climb some stairs, reach the top shelf in the cabinet. Make love.
I never should have wasted my time with Lauren. Lauren, who could have made a difference, but who folded like a paper plate in the rain when they threatened her kid. Lauren who disappeared without a word. The only difference she made is the bullet lodged next to my spine.
She wasn't even good. With her kid mewling in the next room, worried the kid would hear us. Thankful I was helping her. Gratitude sex. Not worth a damn. Where the hell is she now?
I see the guilt in Max's eyes when she comes here. Guilt she denies, even to herself, guilt she has no reason to feel. This wasn't her fault. And it wasn't Lauren's, either, although guilt in her eyes might make me feel better.
It was my own damn fault. I thought I could make a difference. And now I can't, but I can't stop trying, either, or it all would have been in vain. And all I want, more than justice or faith or hope, all those things I cared so much about, I want Max and I want my life back.