A Long Days Journey Into Raymond

EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND

A Long Day's Journey Into Raymond

Written by:
David Feinman

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1.
(TEASER)

TEASER

FADE IN:

INT. RAY AND DEBRA'S KITCHEN - DAY
(RAY, DEBRA)

DEBRA PREPARES BREAKFAST. SHE STIRS OATMEAL, SLICES FRUIT
AND SETS THE TABLE. RAY ENTERS. HE'S IMPRESSED.

RAY

Wow, you're like a real mom.

DEBRA TURNS AND STARES AT RAY.

RAY (CONT'D)

I mean the kind of mom who takes

care of kids and cooks and... never

has another thought in her head.

DEBRA PUTS HER ARMS ON HER HIPS AND KEEPS STARING.

RAY (CONT'D)

I mean... I'm just gonna go before

it gets worse.

THE TOASTER RINGS RELEASING TWO POPTARTS.

DEBRA

But I made poptarts... from scratch.

A real dad would stay.

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2.
(TEASER)

BEFORE RAY CAN TAKE THE POPTART, HE LETS OUT A LOUD AND VERY
DISTINCT SNEEZE.

DEBRA (CONT'D)

God bless you. Hey, that reminds

me. This Thursday is Ally's play.

RAY

How can a sneeze remind you of that?

DEBRA

She's playing Florence Nightingale.

RAY

Thursday the Yanks have a day game.

DEBRA

So, write about the Mets.

RAY SNEEZES AGAIN. DEBRA FEELS HIS FOREHEAD.

DEBRA (CONT'D)

Well, you're not going anywhere

today. You've got a fever.

RAY

Yeah, pennant fever and if I miss

that game, it will only get worse.

CUT TO:

OPENING CREDITS

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3.
(I/A)

ACT ONE

SCENE A

INT. RAY AND DEBRA'S LIVING ROOM - THE NEXT DAY
(DEBRA, MARIE, FRANK, RAY)

SOMEWHERE ON THE COUCH, BURIED UNDER A MOUNTAIN OF BLANKETS
IS RAY, IN HIS BATHROBE. A LONG QUIET MOAN TELLS US HE
CLEARLY DOES NOT FEEL WELL. THERE IS A SMALL MOVEMENT UNDER
THE BLANKETS. A HAND REACHES OUT AND GRABS A TISSUE.
SOMEWHERE UNDER THE BLANKET, RAY BLOWS HIS NOSE. DEBRA IS
OFFSTAGE IN THE KITCHEN.

DEBRA (O.S.)

Ray? (louder) Ray?

FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE MOUNTAIN, WE HEAR A SICKLY MOAN.

DEBRA (O.S.) (CONT'D)

Did you want honey in your tea?

WE HEAR ANOTHER MOAN, THIS TIME LOUDER AND LONGER. THE
DOORBELL RINGS. DEBRA ENTERS FROM THE KITCHEN AND CROSSES
TO THE DOOR.

DEBRA (CONT'D)

I forgot. Does one moan mean

yes or no?

RAY MOANS ONCE AS HE BURROWS OUT FROM UNDER THE COVERS. DEBRA
OPENS THE DOOR. MARIE ENTERS CARRYING A BIG ALUMINUM PAN.

MARIE

I bought over some manicotti...

FRANK ENTERS CARRYING ANOTHER BIG PAN OF FOOD.

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4.
(I/A)

MARIE (CONT'D)

and some ravioli.

FRANK

He better be sick. There's nothing

left to eat in our house.

MARIE

I used aluminum pans so you don't

have to worry about me criticizing

the way you clean my pots.

DEBRA

You're too considerate. You know

all this cheese isn't good for Ray.

MARIE

Trust me. I know my son.

THE TEA KETTLE WHISTLES. DEBRA TAKES THE FOOD INTO THE
KITCHEN.

MARIE (CONT'D)

(WHISPERING TO FRANK) What did I

tell you? He's sick in bed and she's

having a tea party.

MARIE LEANS OVER THE COUCH AND KISSES RAY'S FOREHEAD.

MARIE (CONT'D)

How's my little boy feeling?

FRANK

I don't know about him but that

makes me sick every time.

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5.
(I/A)

RAY

I'll live. It's just a cold.

DEBRA ENTERS WITH A CUP OF TEA. SHE HANDS IT TO RAY.

DEBRA

Can I get either of you some tea?

MARIE

I wouldn't want to put you out.

DEBRA

Frank?

FRANK

I'd like a tray of ravioli if you

have one.

MARIE

That ravioli is for Raymond. He

needs it. He's sick.

FRANK

Looks fine to me. I think your little

boy's trying to get out of school.

RAY

Not me. I wanted to go but my mommy

wouldn't let me.

MARIE

Well, I don't think it would hurt

you to rest another day or two.

RAY

I meant Debra.

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6.
(I/A)

MARIE

She's not your mother, dear.

FRANK

Sure. Rest up. You can write your

next column about Wally Pipp.

DEBRA

Wally who?

RAY

He was the Yankee's first baseman

before Lou Gehrig.

MARIE

Well, then I doubt any one really

wants to read about him now.

FRANK

Exactly. He took a day off and

look what happened to him. I'm

sure there's a lot of Lou Gehrigs

hanging around the pressbox today.

DEBRA

Ray's not going to lose his job

because he took a day off.

FRANK

Yesterday was a day. Today may as

well be a week. Forty years I worked

and I never missed a day.

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7.
(I/A)

RAY

That's because you were afraid to

stay home with Mom. Anyway, I'll

probably be back at work tomorrow.

FRANK

What tomorrow? My father taught me.

He sucked it up and went to work,

anything short of a heart attack.

MARIE

Or a hangover. What's the point of

showing up half drunk?

FRANK

What are you talking about? My

father knew how to hold his liquor.

MARIE

Anyway, it's different for Raymond

than it was for you or your father.

He has talent.

DISSOLVE TO:

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8.
(I/A)

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