Plastic Surgery Disasters

Alternative Tentacles, through Statik; November 1982.

  1. Government Flu
  2. Terminal Preppie
  3. Trust Your Mechanic
  4. Well Paid Scientist
  5. Buzzbomb
  6. Forest Fire
  7. Halloween
  8. Winnebago Warrior
  9. Riot
  10. Bleed For Me
  11. I Am The Owl
  12. Dead End
  13. Moon Over Marin

Government Flu

We got a drug
We're gonna try it out on you
Won't make you die
It'll getcha just a little bit sick

Got a head cold
Got a chest cold
And it's three days old
(Goin' on forever)
Make you hazy
Make you lazy
Drive you crazy
For days and days and days and days
And years

Barely got the time now
To stay on the job
Double up the dosage in your water supply
Make you even sicker 'til you're slippin' away
Getting all depressed It's getting all your friends
You can't get up
For nothing that'll rock the boat
The Government Flu
The Government Flu
The Government Flu

Slip it abroad
Keep a-slowin' down the USSR
But meanwhile
We'll keep an eye
On what it's doin' to you


The Government Flu
The Government Flu
The Government Flu
Flew Through You 

Terminal Preppie

I go to college
That makes me so cool
I live in a dorm
And show off by the pool
I join the right clubs
Just to make an impression
I block out thinking
It won't get me ahead
My ambition in life
Is to look good on paper
All I want is a slot
In some big corporation
John Belushi's my hero
I Lampoon and ape him
My news of the world
Comes from Sports Illustrated
I'm proud of my trophies
Like my empty beer cans
Stacked in rows up the wall
To impress all my friends
No, I'm not here to learn
I just want to get drunk
And major in business
And be taught how to fuck
Win! Win! I always play to win
Wanna fit in like a cog
In the faceless machine

I'm a terminal terminal terminal preppie
Terminal terminal terminal preppie
Terminal terminal terminal terminal
Terminal terminal terminal terminal

I want a wife with tits
Who just smiles all the time
In my centerfold world
Filled with Springsteen and wine
Some day I'll have power
Some day I'll have boats
A tract in some suburb
With Thanksgivings to host


Trust Your Mechanic

TV invents a disease
You think you have
So you buy our drugs
And soon you depend on them
Pain is in your mind
Gotcha commin' back for more
Again and again and again and again
Gonna rip you off
Rip you off

Doctor says you need surgery now
Feelin' good 'til the side effects
Fuck up something else
You're ensnared by the medicine man
Paying up the ass
Again and again
Gonna rip you off

Trust your mechanic to mend your car
Bring it in to his garage
He tightens and loosens a few spare parts
One thing's fixed, another falls apart
And the rich eat you

A magazine says your face don't look quite right
Unless you wear our brand new wonder creme tonight
Never look right again
Unless you grease your skin
Again and again and again and again
Gonna rip you off
Told you're depressed
So of course you see the psychiatrist
Right when you reach your neuroses' roots
He confuses you
He fucks your head up worse
Gotcha feelin' helpless
You're comin' back for more
Again and again
Gonna rip you off
Rip you off

Trust your mechanic
To make you well
You're seeing an awful lot of him now
The quicker he makes your life fall apart
The more money you put in his pockets

Trust your mechanic
To plug your holes
Trust him to make more
Somewhere else
Trust your mechanic
He'll always come through
And rip you off 

Well Paid Scientist

You're a well paid scientist
You only talk in facts
You know you're always right
'Cause you know how to prove it
Step by step
A PhD to show you're smart
With textbook formulas
But you're used up
Just like a factory hand

Something is wrong here
You won't find it on a shelf
You're well paid
You're well trained
You're tied to a rack

Company cocktails - gotta go
Say the right thing
Don't fidget, jockey for position
Be polite
In the pyramid you hate
Sip that scotch
Get that raise
This ain't no party at all


Cringe and tense up
Grind your teeth
And wipe your sweaty palms
Close your windows driving past
The low life company bar
They're making fun of you

Ahhh Even you
You've gotta punch the clock
Too scared to punch your boss
When will you crack
When will you crack
When will you crack
When will you open your eyes

Pull up to your sterile home
You're drained
Bite the heads off of your kids
Chew them well, they taste like you
Just slam the door
Assigned here cause your company owns the land
All your colleagues live here too
Private guards in golf carts
Keep you safe at home?


When will you crack
When will you crack
When will you crack
When will you crack

The dark shattered underbelly
Of the American dream
Avoid it like the plague
It stares you from the bathroom mirror


Buzzbomb buzzbomb
The road's my slave
That's how I feel
I cruise alone I cruise real far
I don't love you I love my car

'Cross Nevada At 110
Highway 50 And there's nobody there
Sign says, "Next sign 30 miles"
I work all week, each penny saved
Buys more escape from my home
I'd rather cruise around all day
Than save up for a move
Plow through rest area san-o-lets
Splat! goes the lonely salesman
Wanking in the men's room

Buzzbomb buzzbomb
Tape up loud
Blue piss clinging to my windshield
Faster faster in my car
Buzzbomb is my pride and joy
King of the trailer court
Waiting for the perfect chick
Who'll love me for my car
I tell her why I'm cool
She coos back just what I like
When I pretend she's near
Zip through Ely
Where Pat Nixon was born
The cops 'round here sure looking bored
Flashing sirens - State Patrol
They're scratching up my gorgeous paint job
Shooting at my tires
Ain't no way to go to heaven
Buzzbomb cornered at the 7-11 

Forest Fire

No junk food, just earthly goods
I ate weird berries in the woods
Now I'm seeing colors,
I'm getting higher
I think I'll start a forest fire

There's a forest fire climbin' the hill
Burnin' wealthy California homes
Better run run run run run
From the fire
But some of us stay and watch
And we think of your insurance cost
And we laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh
At your lives
Windows covered with bars
Security guards
Is that a house or a fortress
Against the world
Windows covered with bars
Security guards
Is that a house or a prison
How you gonna get out?
Electric bull and your tennis courts
Pink sports cars and your boat
Getting fried fried fried fried fried fried
By the fire
Windows covered by bars
Floodlights for the yard
It's a pleasure to watch you
Watch it all melt
But hey!
What about the cocaine
Stockpiled in the basement
Be a hero and save it
You know you're gonna need it
Where's your brand new pretty wife
She might still be inside
Either save her or your cocaine from the fire
But the gates and doors are locked
Cause the burglar alarms went off
Ever wonder why we laugh laugh
At your lives
Windows covered with bars
Fences spiked with barbed wire
Never looked so helpless
Engulfed in flames
Cameras watchin' the walls
Don't forget the dogs
Now you're trapped in your prison
How you gonna get out
See the gerbil
Run run run run run run run run
Run run run run run run run run
Run run run run run run run run
From the fire 


So it's Halloween
And you feel like dancin'
And you feel like shinin'
And you feel like letting loose

Whatcha gonna be?
Babe, you better know
And you better plan
Better plan all day
Better plan all week
Better plan all month
Better plan all year

You're dressed up like a clown
Putting on your act
It's the only time all year
You'll ever admit that
I can see your eyes
I can see your brain
Baby nothing's changed
 You're still hiding in a mask
You take your fun seriously
No, don't blow this year's chance
Tomorrow your mold goes back on
After Halloween
You go to work today
You'll go to work tomorrow
Shitfaced tonight
You'll brag about it for months
Remember what I did
Remember what I was
Back on Halloween
But what's in between?
Where are your ideas?
You sit around and dream
For next Halloween
Why not everyday?
Are you so afraid
What will people say
After Halloween
Because your roll is planned for you
There's nothing you can do
But stop and think it through
But what will your boss say to you
And what will your girlfriend say to you
And what will people out on the street
They might glare at you
And whadya know?
You're pretty self-conscious too

So you run back and stuff yourselves in rigid business costumes
Only at night to score is your leather uniform exhumed
Why don't you take your social regulations
And shove 'em up your ass 

Winnebago Warrior

Roughin' it in the great outdoors
Guidebooks tell us where to go
Winnebego Warrior

Slow down traffic climbing hills
30 gallons to the mile
Honey, quick, the Polaroid

Winnebago Warrior
Brave as old John Wayne
Winnebago Warrior
A true yankee pioneer

Stop at Stuckey's for a meal
Blab all day on the CB
Winnebago Warrior

Littered campgrounds, folding chairs
Feed Doritos to the bears
Honey, quick, the Polaroid


Kill some fish down by the creek
Hang their picture by the sink
Show your grandson who's the boss

Tie your two tote-goats to the fronts
U-haul trailer full of souvenirs
That you buy along the way 


Rioting - the unbeatable high
Adrenalin shoots your nerves to the sky
Everyone knows this town is gonna blow
And it's all gonna blow right now...

Now you can smash all the windows that you want
All you need are some friends and a rock
Throwing a brick never felt so damn good
Smash some more glass
Scream with a laugh
And wallow with the crowd
Watch them kicking peoples' ass
But you get to the place
Where the real slavedrivers live
It's walled off by the riot squad
Aiming guns right at your head
So you turn right around
And play right into their hands
And set your own neighbourhood
Burning to the ground instead

Riot - the unbeatable high
Riot - shoots your nerves to the sky
Riot - playing into their hands
Tomorrow you're homeless
Tonight it's a blast

Get your kicks in quick
They're callin' the National Guard
Now could be your only chance
To torch a police car
Climb the roof, kick the siren in
And jump and yelp for joy
Quickly - dive back in the crowd
Slip away, now don't get caught
Let's loot the spiffy Hi-Fi Store
Grab as much as you can hold
Pray your arms won't fall off
Here comes the owner with a gun


The barricades spring up from nowhere
Cops in helmets line the lines
Shotguns prod into your bellies
The trigger fingers want an excuse now
The raging mob has lost its nerve
There's more of us but who goes first
No one dares to cross the line
The cops know that they've won
It's all over but not quite
The pigs have just begun to fight
They club your heads, kick your teeth
Police can riot all they please


Tomorrow you're homeless Tonight it's a blast 

Bleed For Me

You've been hanging 'round
With an enemy of the state
Come with me to the building
That no one stops to watch

C'mon bleed
C'mon bleed
C'mon bleed
Bleed for me

We'll strap you to a pipe
Electrodes on your balls
C'mon scream
C'mon writhe
Face down in a pool of piss


America wants fuel
To get it, it needs puppets
So what's ten million dead?
If it's keeping out the Russians
We're well trained by the CIA
With Yankee tax money in Ft. Bragg
The Peace Corps builds us labor camps
When they think they're building schools
When cowboy Ronnie comes to town
Forks out his tongue at Human rights
Sit down enjoy our ethnic meal
Dine on some charbroiled nuns
Try a medal on...
Smile at the mirror as the cameras click
And make big business happy
Maybe you'll just disappear


I Am The Owl

I am your plumber
No I never went away
I still bug your bedrooms
And pick up everything you say
It can be a boring job
To monitor all day your excess talk
I hear when you're drinking
And cheating on your lonely wife
I play tape recordings
Of you to my friends at night
We've got our girl in bed with you
You're on candid camera
We just un-elected you

I am the owl
I seek out the fowl
Wipe 'em away
Keep America free
For clean livin' folks like me

If you demonstrate
Angainst somebody we like
I'll slip on a wig
And see if I can start a riot
Transform you to an angry mob
All your leaders go to jail for my job
But we aren't the russians
Political trials are taboo
We've got our secret
Ways of getting rid of you
Fill you full of LSD
Turn you loose on a freeway


Send you spinning
Send you spinning
Send you spinning all over the freeway
Spinning on the crowded freeway
Spinning on the freeway
Spinning on the freeway
Spin - Lookout

The Press, they never even cared
Why a youth leader walked into a speeding car
In ten years we'll leek the truth
By then it's only so much paper
Watergate hurt
But nothing really ever changed
A teeny bit quieter
But we still play our little games
We still play our little games
We still play our little games
We still play our little games
We still play a lot of games
I am the owl


Dead End

Once I had a close friend
I knew him for quite a while
He seemed all right to me
We had this deal together
Tied up my money and time
And then he went away
Taking all that was mine

Oh, well, things crumble to an end
Hell, we all die in the end
Die in the end

Once it was fun to worry
About who was in control
Could look into the future
But now it don't seem right
Passion is filling the air
Profits and better than life
And things are harder to beat

It's a dead end
Dead end
Dead end

Once I had a lover
I knew her for quite a while
She seemed alright to me
But then she was gone
She took my lovin' and my time
Taking all that was mine
And leaving me far behind

It's a dead end
Dead end
Dead end 

Moon Over Marin

The crowded future stings my eyes
I still find time to exercise
In uniform with two white stripes
Unlock my section of the sand
It's fenced off to the waters edge
I clamp a gasmask on my head

On my beach at night
Bathe in my moonlight

Another tanker's hit the rocks
Abandoned to spill out its guts
The sand is laced with sticky glops
O'Shimmering moonlight sheen upon
The waves and water clogged with oil
White gassed steam up from the soil


I squash dead fish between my toes
Try not to step on any bones
I turn around and I go home
I slip back through my basement door
Switch off all the I own below
Dive in my scalding wooden tub
My own beach at night
Electric moonlight
There will always be a moon
Over Marin