Catholicism

I was raised Catholic, received the sacraments of Communion and Confirmation, and whole-heartedly believed in the Catholic version of God for a while. It was around the time that I was 14 when I started to question the existence of God. I was dealing with the typical stuff that teenagers have to go through these days--lack of self-esteem, depression stuff, etc. I would try and ask God to help me. Of course, this was probably rather selfish, but when He didn't respond, I really started to loose faith. What was the point of going to church and CCD and believing in God? The faith that I had was obviously not based on deep devotion, but on what I had been taught from early childhood. One prays to God for strength; one relies on God. But relying on a mysterious deity that was nothing more than imagination to me at that point did not help me deal with my problems. In fact, it only frustrated me.

Though this was the major reason that I began to reject the idea of God, certain intolerance issues within the Catholic Church repelled me from Catholicism. These had to do with birth control, sex, homosexuals, women, and the Church's ideas of sin and damnation. I never understood, and still to this day do not understand, how the Church can say that they promote Jesus' ideas of love and compassion, while at the same time rejecting people on the basis of who they prefer to have sex with. And please, do not quote obscure Biblical references on this point. I've read them too, and though the Bible has a lot of good things to say, it is also filled with a plethora contradictions and confusing passages, written not by God, but by man. The Bible contains the decisions and words of men, and men alone.

However, the idea of Jesus in Christianity is interesting to me. I always liked the figure of Jesus more than God--Jesus was a man, he never "smote" anyone (see Genesis, Exodus, Judges, 1 and 2 Samuel, 1 and 2 Kings, etc., etc.); he simply preached love and compassion. I don't really believe in the whole "Christ has died, Christ is risen, Christ will come again" mantra of the Catholic Church. And I'm skeptical of the miracles attributed to Jesus. However, I don't dispute his existence or his value to human society. Obviously, people pervert his life when they kill and maim and destroy in Jesus' name. But the example that he put forth, and the values and ideals that he urged people to adopt are commendable and compassionate, whether one believes in his divine origins or not.


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