"Come into my parlour,"
said the spider to the fly....

*she smiles evily as you step through the wooden door which shuts with a loud boom behind you both... You begin to study your surroundings... Then she speaks...*

"I am Durham RED... Welcome to my domain. Whilst you are here, I wish you to follow certain houserules... To make your stay... shall I say... more pleasant.:"

*She points to a small plaque with a list of rules*

1. Do not spit on the floor. If you must, spit on the ceiling.
   
2. Do not play with your food... mortals must be kept under control!
   
3. See #2.
   
4. If you don't like what you see, or wish to see something on here... tell me. (E-mail address at the bottom.)
   
5. If you wish to link your page to this... tell me so I may link to yours.
   
6. Do not contradict me, I am a woman... I am always right!!
   
7. If you think I'm insane your probably correct, so don't bother telling me!
   
8. Please don't degrade yourself, or embarass me by asking me to place pornography on my homepage...If you are desperate for it...go and do a search!

Thankyou.

*After you have scanned the list, you look around again... To your left an open door leads into The Hall ... which in turn leads to The Banqueting Hall ... To your right The Ballroom and Music Room ... ahead of you is a flight of stairs... with ornate banisters which lead up to THE FIRST FLOOR...and into many other rooms such as The Gallery (links to gifs, jpg's)... The Master Bedroom (all about me and my fave comic character Durham Red)... and The Guest Room (friends homepages). Below the stairs are two doors... Both lead to a passageway that takes you to the Cellar/Crypt ... The Study and The Library ... with 2000ad (comic book) links, ... and hidden at the end of the corridor, behind some ancient drapes is The Secret Passage. You turn to say something to your host, but she is no-where to be seen!*

INSIDE:

GROUND FLOOR:

The Hall ... Links to decent chat places, and lots of miscellaneous links to the wonderful weird world of the DEAD, Vampires and occult... ha ha ha *evil laughter and thunder*

The Banqueting Hall ... sounds quite sinister in these surroundings, *grin*? But not so... the banquet hall is full of interesting freebie links... YES thats right lots of FREEBIES!!

The Ballroom and Music Room ...*Strange harpsichord music can be heard from within the room*... This is basically music links... also midi's and wav's etc... (UNDER CONSTRUCTION)

Cellar/Crypt ... Lurking in the cellar is a selection of poetry links... and some of my poetry, if you dare venture into the Crypt... Watch out though... It's dark down there... *evil laughter*

The Study ... an exercise in mind control (a short tale by me)

The Library ... Good books?? Hell no... its the 2000ad (comic book) links... most of the links to 2000ad, Judge Dredd, Strontium Dogs, ABC Warriors etc etc...

The Secret Passage ... If you can find it... it will take you to a Magic place full of Dragons and Castles...

UPSTAIRS:

STAIRCASE... take the twisting winding stairs up to... The First Floor... oblivion... well not quite obviously... but lots of great stuff up there... With Links to OTHER parts of my homepage (not listed here!).

Including my faq's and stats as well as info on Durham Red (the real character) in the Master Bedroom! The Gallery links to some great graphics sites... And the Guest Bedroom... some more damn fine links... to varied forms of homepages, of friends from the net and suchlike! Also upstairs can be found My Curriculum Vitae, and the Fear Drawer... best go up the stairs to get the best view.

THE PADDED CELLS:

Bagpuss ... cute and fluffy pink and white striped saggy ol' cat puss!!

The JaBbErWoCkY Attic ... T'was brillig! So a shrine was built. **NEW**

THE LOCKED BANK VAULT: **NEW**

The Safe... Earn Free money! Companies offering money for surfing the internet!

OUTSIDE:

THE DARK WOODED GLEN:

Vampire Mausoleum ... with many spine tingling links about Vampires (almost all) alphabetically placed...

Vampire Sepulchre ... with many more bloody links about Vampires

The Murky Swamp ... horror links

**COMING SOON**

DOWN THE ROAD:

Sesame Street... one of the best programs for kids and adults alike

If the links don't work... It's because this building has fallen into a state of disrepair due to its age... and it is currently, and will be constantly under construction/reconstruction, so come back again some time...
if you dare........

*evil laughter fades into the distance and you are engulfed in darkness*

You're my victim *cough cough*
I mean guest number:

since... 24 March '98

Check out my OLD guestbook...

Fill out a form about my domain NOW!