Peter & the test tube babies

1.Moped lads
2.Banned from the pubs
3.Elvis is dead
4.Up yer bum
5.Smash and grab raid
6.Run like hell
7.shitstirrer
8.Intensive care
9.Keep britain untidy
10.Transvestite
11.Maniac
12.Guestlist
13.One night stand



MOPED LADS

You know those kids you get at school
They've got a motorbike so they think they're cool
They got a moped for their sixteenth birthday
Now you can hear 'em coming from half a mile away

chorus:
It's the moped lads
They like to think they're bad
It's the moped lads
If you hit 'em they tell their dads

They follow the school-bus 'cos they think they're next
They try to impress the girls on the back-seat
They go up to youth club and stand outside
And talk about the bikes they can only ride

chorus

They're about as lard as a lump of shit
But they've got two wheels so they think they're it
They allways show-off and try to act flush
But the best thing about 'em is when they crash


2.BANNED FROM PUBS

Banned from pubs get out of this place
Banned from pubs 'cos we don't like your face
Banned from pubs get out of that door
Banned from pubs or I'll call the law

chorus:
Banned, banned, banned
'cos they don't like punks
Banned, banned, banned
They treat us like drunks

Banned from pubs go on I said go
Banned from pubs can we have a drink? No
Banned from pubs just get out of here
Banned from pubs no you can't have a beer

chorus

Banned from pubs go on on your way
Banned from pubs no punks they say
Banned from pubs you lot get out
Banned from pubs no punks they shout


3.ELVIS IS DEAD

Elvis had an heart-attack
'cos he got too bleedin' fat
He weighed nearly half a ton
He looked more like a pregnant mum

chorus:
Elvis is dead
Elvis is dead

Elvis had a gammy leg
He had a gammy head
He had a gammy kidney
He's better-off dead

In August 1977
Elvis met his fate
But he couldn't get into heaven
'cos he couldn't get thru the gate


4.UP YER BUM

When a cops gonna nick yer
When yer dad's gonna hit yer
When the bird you're with is rough
When you can't drink enough

chorus:
Up yer bum, up yer bum
Up yer bum, up yer bum
Up, up, up, up, up
Up yer bum

When you can't get the hard
When you've lost yer dole card
When yer bird's got clap
When yer beers gone flat

chorus

When yer neighbour complain
When yer bird's on again
When you can't scrounge a fag
When yer mum starts to nag


5.SMASH 'N' GRAB RAID

In the early hours walking thru the precint
He's spent all his money and now he's real skint
He sees the video thru the hi-fi shops' doors
The beer in his brain says go on it's yours

chorus:
Even though he's pissed and his senses are all dull
He can still hear the ringing of the alarm bell

He looks at the damage thru pissed eyes
He's gotta leg it now now he's got his prize
He tries to run away but his legs don't wanna know
A voice laughts to him it is the alcohol

chorus

He stumbles thru the street not knowing where to go
A pissed-up idiot with an expensive video
And he realises later when he gets home at three
It's too hot plog and he's got no TV


6.RUN LIKE HELL

I was down the local disco getting' off with this girl. 
Things were going really good, going really well.
We was alone in a corner kissing and then I heard 
this bloke come up behind me and say:
" Oi, thats my fucking bird!! "

Down the local disco eyeing-up some skirt
She was giving-it all that, god she was a flirt
She came up to me and said:" Do you wanna dance? "
Well I thought this is it I'm in here with a chance

Then this bloody gread big geezer said
" 'ere mate thats my girl"
Well I didn't want no trouble
So I run like bloody hell

chorus:
Run like hell
Run like hell

Alone at a party pissed out of me head
Well I don't know how I get there but I ended up in bed
When I woke up in the morning I was alone no more
But as I was getting dressed her boyfriend came in thru the door


7.SHITSTIRRER

When there's trouble in the air
I'm the bloke who's always there
When loving couples swear anal arise
I am there to make it worse

chorus:
In the shit
I'll drop you right in it
I'm shitstirrer

If you have two-timed your girl
Straight to her I'll go and tell
And even if your love is true
I'll shit tell you've got two

chorus

If you're off work and tell then why
I'll tell your boss it's all a lie
And if you say things behind his back
I'll grass you up so you'll get the sack


8.INTENSIVE CARE

I've just been beaten-up by a ted
Because of our song " Elvis is dead "
He rearranged my teeth though he weren't a dentist
I would have run away but I was a bit pissed

chorus:
Intensive
Intensive care
I'm in intensive care

He pushed me up against a brick wall
Then he kicked me around like I was a football
He kicked me in the face then he trod on my head
And then he ran away 'cos he thought I was dead

chorus

I tried to get up though I was bleeding and bruised
I shouldn't have bothered 'cos I met bad news
Around the corner were another three
And they all kicked the shit out of me


9.KEEP BRITAIN UNTIDY

When yer chips have just gone cold
Don't throw 'em in the bin like you've been told
Chuck them down onto the floor
Then tread them in so the mess looks more

chorus:
Come on you dirty bastards
Keep Britain untidy

When you've finished a can of beer
Don't worry if there ain't a dustbin near
Just chuck it down with the other trash
Then find a window you can smash

chorus

When you find a place that's neat
Just make it look like a rubbish heap
Smash the windows tip up the bins
Show 'em the shit that we're livin' in


10.TRANSVESTITE

Over the hills we go my dear
To my house which is near
It's a little house with red curtained windows
And a fireplace with red gloving cinders
There I'm gonna screw the arse off you

I open the door we step inside
You sit down while I switch on the light
I pour you a drink while you slip-off your shoes
In my mind I know what to do
I am gonna screw the arse off you

I kiss your lips slowly while I undo your dress
My hand reaches down to gently caress
But there's something there that I didn't expect
It's hot and fleshy and it's getting erect

I've been cheated tonight
Transvestite

Is this some kind of joke
You're really a bloke


11.MANIAC

I creep down alleys and peep thru blinds
I strangle and kill any children I find
I like meeting people when they're dead
I take some of them back to bed

chorus:
I'm a maniac
I'm insaniac
I'm a maniac
Are you a maniac too?

Catching, eating spiders and flies
Seducing people on telephone lines
I like little girls of nine or ten
I love making love to them

chorus

Setting light to dogs and cats
Breaking into old ladies flats
Why is everyone laughing at me?
Why is everyone laughing at me?


12.GUEST LIST

We turn up outside at the gig
There's people there the crowds are big
They stop you to ask and see
If you can get them in free

Fivers in pockets they still try
" Come on we're broke " they all lie
Give you hassle make you late
" Get me in free go on mate "

Get me on the guest list
Lend me ten pee
Get me on the guest list
Go on just me
Get me on the guest list
Get me in free

Trapper fans trying their best
To make out they are our guests
They seem to think it is easy
For you to get them in free

13.ONE NIGHT STAND

So many questions in my head
Who is this girl in my bed?
I don't know her she's someone new
Got pissed last night but did I screw?
I, I don't know her name
I, I won't see her again
She's a one night stand
One night stand
She's a one night stand

Fast asleep she's still crashed
Go thru her pockets for her cash
So annoying with her snore
I ought to kick her on the floor

Love at first sight I don't think so
'cos I can't wait till I can go
I don't know him I don't know his name
I don't think I'll go with him again

She is lying there in the nude
But I can't remember if we screwed
So I'll do her now just to make sure
And then I'll kick her out the door