A WOMAN'S RANDOM THOUGHTS:
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like,
"You know sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my
address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten
to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills.
She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care. They keep telling
us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative
but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to
go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell
my body said,
"listen witch... do it and die." The trouble
with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they
marry him.) I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress
are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too
fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.
I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than
30 can fit into their stuff. "If men can run the world, why
can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to
start the day by tying a noose around your neck?"
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