Fed up with the public perception that he was capable only of making "kids movies," George Lucas was determined to ensure that the VSE would earn an "R" rating from the MPAA board. "Everyone knows that the three keys to an 'R' rating are language, sex, and violence," Lucas explains, "and that was a door we definitely wanted to open."

Hoping to earn the "R" with language alone, Lucas began by adding character-appropriate curses and swearing to the original dialogue. But the numerous, gratuitous utterances of interstellar profanity such as "gaderffii bait" and "wamp sludge" didn't seem to worry the censors. "Before long," Lucas sighed, "it became obvious that we were going to have to add some footage."

The first scene affected was the droid sale on Tatooine. "Although the Jawas were originally portrayed as boring, nomadic purveyors of second-hand droids, in the VSE we've recast them as hep, diminutive pimps for Alderaanian love slaves," Lucas beams. Using the latest in digital technology, the visual wizards at ILM inserted dozens of wild, gyrating CG babes into the scene, creating a searingly decadent encounter at the Lars homestead. Pointing at the "R" prominently emblazoned across the video box for A New Hope, Lucas chuckles: "It did the trick."

For the second two films (Boogaloo and Jedi), the Lucasfilm team relied on gore and violence to earn the rating. Han's disemboweling of the Tauntaun on Hoth -- to provide a warm bed for the injured Luke -- was stretched into an agonizing five minute montage. "Rather than the original, quick flick of Luke's saber," Lucas explains, "in the VSE version, Han accomplishes the same task using a blunt rock. And, boy, does that Tauntaun fight."

Finally, in the climactic duel in Jedi, Luke loses his head. Literally. "We thought it'd be really cool if Vader just sliced his head right off: Whammo!" Lucas exclaims. "The CG team worked the scene up beautifully: the chop; the gush of gore; it all looks real. We plugged it right in to the original." Some critics have complained that the scene introduces unresolved problems into the story, given that Luke appears numerous times later during the film, apparently unharmed. In between large bites of a Taco Bell chicken Gordita, Lucas dismisses the criticism: "Pick. Pick. Pick. That's all those freakin' critics ever do. So maybe one thing in three whole movies doesn't make sense, and they jump all over it." Lucas pauses to burp, and then concludes with his mouth still full: "I think it looks really cool."

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This is, of course, a stellar WebParody.