Armed with little more than George Lucas's insistence that the VSE be longer than the Special Edition, the Lucasfilm staff spent the better part of a weekend creating new scenes to be inserted into the original trilogy.

Hungry for More
Exhausted from producing the Special Edition and unable to think of any additional story tangents, Lucas still insisted on thirty minutes of new footage for A New Hope, VSE. "I don't care," he whined to the VSE production team, "just stick something in."

Faced with that challenge and the apathy of the professional crew, a couple summer interns at Lucasfilm came up with the Tatooine Dining Sequence, a meandering twenty minute ramble of pointless footage: Sandtroopers arrive at local smorgasbord; Sandtroopers wait in line; Sandtroopers enjoy "all-U-can eat" bounty in the company of numerous alien diners; Sandtroopers consume multiple helpings of soft-serve frozen yogurt; Sandtroopers wait for check; Sandtroopers pay and leave. Even Good Morning America's perpetually hyperbolic film "critic" Joel Siegel has called the new scenes "mind-blowingly tepid ... with razzle-dazzle effects so convincing, you'll believe the food is real!"

Psychic to the Stars (and Star Destroyers)
"Everyone knows about the Force," Lucas notes, "but in the VSE, I wanted to expand on the spiritual and paranormal aspects of the story." On the recommendation of Dionne Warwick and other has-been entertainers, Lucas brought in Kenny Kingston, founder of the Psychic Friends Network (as seen on TV).

Seeking the help of a "psychic friend" in his search for young Skywalker, Vader is charged $2.99 per minute while Kingston's luminous, oversized holographic head dispenses vague prognostications, such as "I see travel in your future." Exasperated with his growing phone bill, Vader pushes for details, but is rebuffed by the lisping clairvoyant, who haughtily reminds him that his services are "for entertainment purposes only." Outraged, the Dark Lord attempts to strangle Kingston telepathically. However, given Kingston's own psychic powers, Vader succeeds only in mussing the aging psychic's toupee.

The Hug of Life
One of the most notable additions to the Special Edition was Han's Mos Eisley encounter with a computer-generated Jabba the Hutt. While technically amazing, the scene lacked genuine drama and did not add anything substantial to the storyline. Thus, the Lucasfilm team used the Very Special Edition as an opportunity to turn it into an exciting public service safety training vignette.

In the reworked scene, Han -- suffering the effects of weeks of close confinement with his Wookie co-pilot -- begins choking on a large hairball. After Solo turns several shades of blue, Jabba decides he must act quickly if there is to be any hope of recovering the money he is owed. Explaining each step in resonant Huttese (subtitled for English-speaking viewers), the large slug demonstrates the proper execution of the Heimlich Maneuver, a lifesaving tactic named for the sound that most objects make when they exit the choker's windpipe. After dislodging the hairy obstruction, Jabba increases Han's debt by an additional 5,000. Solo makes the mistake of asking "5,000 what?" which leads to an awkward silence, as all the characters grapple with the fact that George Lucas has never bothered to name the units of currency used in the SW universe. Looking nervously from side to side, Jabba replies with a feeble "You heard me -- 5,000!" and slithers offscreen.

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This is, of course, a stellar WebParody.