Did I ever tell you about the time...
Weird things happen to everyone... but our stories are way weirder.
Tales of the Maniacal Mack
Once upon a time, Mack was running around Carrie's house like the maniac she was in 7th grade. Beth was hanging out in the bathroom (seriously, just hanging out) and she said "Mack! Come here!" So Mack screeched her brakes and made a 180 to the bathroom... only her brakes went out and she kept going... and going... right through the shower, tearing down the curtain of curtains and landing face first into the tub. The forces of gravity were fierce that day, my friends. END
Once upon another time, at the infamous Camp Harley Sutton, Mack and Beth and Cliff were celebrating July 11th (7-11...doy) outside on the porch of the dining hall. As many young girls do, Mack was verbally daydreaming about becoming a mother. She said unto herself, "I can't wait to feel a baby moving around in my belly." Understanding her desires, Cliff spake, saying, "Why don't you just swallow a goldfish?"
One of Mack's most famous quotes is "Beth, just kill em all." Why did she say that? Because we were setting the table and the napkins were on the wrong side.
The Misadventurous Accounts of an Overzealous Comrade
Everyone drives. Kids, teenagers, elderly, convicts, dogs. But not everyone can do it well. Beth used to be one of those. Although many a parent trusted her spastic slowness, her maneuverability suffered. This is one such tale of woe.
Beth had just learned to drive a standard transmission vehicle, her dad's brand new pride and joy. Feeling fairly confident, she decided to fly solo to Lindsey/Kevin's house. At the end of this excursion, she made an attempt to back out of Lindsey/Kevin's heinous driveway, which very conveniently has a telephone pole right on the edge. Brake.... clutch.... gas.... CKKRRCH. Yeah, that's the sound of a crash. The pole got right in the way of the side of the vehicle, and thus became the victim of Joe's wrath (which really wasn't that bad). But there's a lesson here. Have a talk with nearby telephone poles and work out some sort of agreement. "I don't hit you, you don't hit me," is what Beth should have said. Usually poles are nice enough to comply, unless they're busy with internet dial-up connections. It's the 21st century, people!
Beth is prone to passing out if she gets too toasty and parched. Well, one time in 3rd grade, she was on stage rehearsing the elementary Christmas pageant and things started to cook. And so did our little Beth. Soon enough, the small fry's lack of homeostasis caused her to tip right over in the risers. The rehearsal was stopped and Beth was taken off the stage. She was content that her body had known her contempt towards Christmas pageants and planned the whole thing. And she benefited about 3 hours of popularity, the most she's ever known. It was a magical day indeed.
