Are You Choking?

Here's what you need to know if someone is choking. ALWAYS keep these instructions in mind in case it happens to someone near you. We recommend you print them out and carry them with you everywhere so you'll always be prepared for the inevitable. Or should we say inedible...

#1. Make sure they're really choking. Ask the victim, "Are you choking?" If they are unable to cough or respond, proceed to perform the heimliwhatever it is maneuver, beginning with step 2.

#2. Stand behind them and wrap your arms around to the upper stomach/lower rib area (if you know your anatomy, direct yourself to the xyphoid process). Continue to step 3.

#3. Overlap one hand over the other and hold tightly. Move on to step 4.

#4. Pull inward and upward in quick motions until the obstruction is released from the esophagus.

You're a hero! Pat yourself on the back. Just don't choke on yer gum doing it. And make sure you know what you're doing. Don't try to wing it. Someone's consciousness is in your hands. Make us proud!

Hold on there, sonny.

You may wanna remember these things too, to prevent yourself from choking: #1. Never eat alone so there's always someone there to do the heimliwhatever it is maneuver on you if you start choking. Unless you're sure you can do it yourself.
#2. Chew your food at least 24 times before swallowing. Nevermind, don't do that. By the 24th chew, your food is all mush and it really takes the fun out of eating. Just don't put your whole plate in your mouth all at once.

Be careful when you munch, my friends...