-----I wasn't quite sure about this place when I first walked through the door. It seemed a bit small and dark for me. There were no windows, only a tiny lamp with a one-watt light bulb in it. Roaches attacked my feet that first time. Damn it! They scared the shit out of me. After stomping on the three that hadn't crawled up my pantleg, I ran to the bathroom and unstrapped my belt. As soon as the belt hit the floor, the roaches scurried their way up to my chest. I screamed. One of them had begun to dig its way into the skin just under my left nipple. I didn't see any blood, but it made me squeamish when I saw the lump. I remember thinking to myself, my god! I've got cancer! How long has this thing been growing on me? That's when I threw up.
-----Too bad the roaches weren't paying attention to what I was doing because I ended up puking through my pores. At the time, I didn't think anything of it. Well, I really though that I was sweating. My vomit is deadly and it killed the roaches on contact. All fifteen of the damn things dropped to the dirty floor. I laughed 'cause I thought that the disgusting bathroom floor was the perfect place for roaches to die. I left the bathroom chuckling. I didn't need to clean the filthy bugs up because I knew that their little corpses wouldn't be there in the morning.
-----That was my first day in the apartment. After a week, I began to yearn for sunlight in my room and punched a hole in the wall. Luckily, the walls were so thin and the bricks were so decayed that my fist just slipped right through them. But, when I looked through the hole, it was pitch black. Well, shit. How the hell am I supposed to stay sane in the hellhole it I can't get any sunlight? And wouldn't you know it. The second that thought left my mind, that one watt went to zero. Now I couldn't see my hands in front of my face. So, I went to sleep on my hard bed.
-----The day that the one-watt went out was a Tuesday. On Wednesday, I awoke to the gentle caress of a breeze. I would have looked through the hole in my wall and seen light shining from outside if I hadn't been totally compelled by what I saw when I opened my eyes.
-----On my ceiling was a painting. It was a cornupcopia of things. I couldn't tell where one image ended and one began. I saw a woman's face, but then I didn't. Her eyes became the headlights of a car. The car was enveloped in cash and shove into a heart. I can't tell you everything I saw because it would take me forever to mention every image to you.
-----The second that the picture appeared to me, it was gone. Everything fell back into place. I could actually see the ceiling, and the sad droop just above my bed. It was yellow with spots of grey and black which didn't increase its appeal. The light from the hole in the wall was surprisingly bright, which took me a while to realize in light of what I had just seen on the ceiling. I did realize. That's when I looked through the hole in the wall.
-----The rays of light were defined by particles of dust floating in the air. I breathed in the oxygen. Yes, it is outside. I can finally breathe the outside air.! After breathing in the fumes, I peaked through the hole and saw the greenest field that I had ever laid my eyes upon. The wind made the long blades of grass sway and call me with their comforting rhthym. My desire to reach the outside world reached an extreme and I screamed at it. You are beautiful! I never really saw you before! I always took you for granted! I need you, and don't want to ever leave you again!
-----The wind whispered through the hole and past my ears, asking me, why do you lock yourself up in that cage? Don't you get lonely? Don't you get frightened?
-----Frightened? I asked.
-----Frightened of never finding your way out of that shell.
-----Yes, I do get frightened.
-----At that moment, the wind kissed me, reviving my spirit a million times over. I yearned to be outside. I yearned to be outside...
-----I had lived in the apartment for one month. The hole in the wall never got bigger, but the light always grew brighter with every passing day. When the night fell, the stars burned with just as much intensity as the love I felt for the outside. It cared for me and made me feel alive... all until the end of that month.
-----I had lost track of the days and I could only guess that it was still May. I didn't know for sure then. But after one month, the painting on the ceiling reappeared, the roaches invaded again, and the light through the hole never loved me. All I could do was watch the changing strokes of color and pet the roaches on my chest. It was after one month that I decided, with true necessity, to take my own life.
-----Frightened? Yes, I do get frightened.