Major Happy's Up And Coming Once Upon A Good Time Band
Rendezvous
Questionnaire
We've Arrived! (And To Prove It We're here)
Lonely-Phobia
Unfinished Words
Hey Mister!
Easy Listening
Now She's Left You
The Knicker Elastic King
I Love You
Eine Kleine Middle Klasse Musik
Joe Public
Shangri-La
Don't Know Why
Back In '64

 

Major Happy's Up And Coming Once Upon A Good Time Band
 
Once upon a good time
on this very day
somewhere in another universe
A band got in a van
and drove for miles on end
They just this minute got here
with no time to rehearse
They've not even had a sound-check
but don't worry folks, it's true!
Whatever Major Happy
did for them, they'll do for you
 
Here we are
once again
on another one-night stand
Major Happy's
Up And Coming
Once Upon A Good Time Band
 
Major Happy, Major Happy, Major Happy,
Made ya happy
Major Happy's
Up and coming
easy-going good time band
We're only here
for you out there
So give yourselves a great big hand
 
Major Happy, Major Happy, Major Happy,
Made ya happy
 
So put your hands together
and let's really hear it for
Major Happy's Up And Coming
Once Upon A Good Time Band...
 
Rendezvous
 
I'm sitting in a Dandelion Den
blowing bits of fluff into the air to tell the time
and welcome anybody passing by
 
Do you ever come here with a friend?
 
No, I've never found someone to share my Rendevous...
 
Do you spend the time like me?
Wishing that you could be free?
Free from all you have to do?
Doing only what you want to?
 
Oh, yes, of course I do
 
Ah ha, we thought as much
 
Hang on! Who are youse?
 
We're the other members of the band
 
And who invited you sing along?
Go on, answer that!
 
Well, no one, we were only passing by
 
Well kindly keep on going if you please
 
But we're only trying to help with your song...
 
But I don't want any help!
 
Oh, yeah? What about the middle eight?
 
Oh yeah!
 
Do you spend the time like me?
Wishing that you could be free?
Free from all you have to do?
Doing only what you want to?
 
Questionnaire
 
Hey mister man in the street - excuse me
Do you have a few moments to spare? Oh yeah...
Don't worry, I'm not trying to sell you anything you wouldn't want
I'm just a questionnaire...
 
Tell me what you think about this low-fat diet shampoo
Do you think it's Crunchy, Half-Cruncy, or Not Crunchy at all?
Put a tick in the appropriate box - there's nothing to it...
 
Yes/No/Don't Know - I Don't Care
I'm only a Questionnaire, only a Questionnaire...
 
Please mister man in the street - believe me
I'm only doing my job and I need to know
everything about you, take it easy, all you gotta do
Is answer 'yes' or 'no'...
 
Tell me what think about the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea
Do you think there's one True God, a False God, or No God at all?
Put a tick in the appropriate box - there's nothing to it...
 
Yes/No/Don't Know - I Don't Care
I'm only a Questionnaire...
Yes/No/Don't Know - I Don't Care
I'm only a Questionnaire, only a Questionnaire...
 
...Now can you
Tell me what you think about how easy it can be to buy a gun?
Do you think it's Crazy, Half Crazy, or Not Crazy at all?
Put a tick in the appropriate box...
 
We've Arrived! (And To Prove It We're Here!)
 
We've Arrived! And to prove it we're here
We've Arrived! And it's suddenly clear
that we're here to stay
for more than a day
maybe a week or a year!
 
We've Arrived! And to prove it we're here
We've Arrived! And to prove it we're here
We've Arrived...
 
From thirty thousand feet above the ocean
flying high in the sky
To thirty thousand fans showin' their devotion
hear them scream and cry!
 
We've Arrived! And to prove it we're here
We've Arrived! And it's suddenly clear
that we're here to stay
more than a day
Hey! Maybe a week or a year!
 
We've Arrived! And to prove it we're here
We've Arrived! And to prove it we're here
We've Arrived! And to prove it we're here
We've Arrived! And to prove it we're here
We've Arrived...
 
Lonely-Phobia
 
You look forlorn
Too tired to yawn
As pale as the moon
on a bright afternoon
Your face is drawn
You've got Lonely-Phobia
and I only hope ya
get better
 
You sit and stare
beyond all care
But mirrors don't lie
and the look in your eye
is showing your despair
You've got Lonely-Phobia
and I only hope ya
get better
 
Another love could set you free
but you're afraid to go
Another love may prove to be
no better than the devil you know
 
It's late at night
You feel uptight
Your lover's in bed
while the thoughts in your head
are far from light
You've got Lonely-Phobia
and I only hope ya
get better
 
Another love could set you free
but you're afraid to go
Another love may prove to be
no better than the devil you know
 
You look forlorn
Too tired to yawn
As pale as the moon
on a bright afternoon
Your face is drawn
You've got Lonely-Phobia
and I only hope ya
get better
You've got Lonely-Phobia
and I only hope ya
get better
 
Unfinished Words
 
Unfinished words like these
Unfinished words like Cheese and Onions
help me to write
this Marzipan song
Unfinished words
flying like birds
high in the sky above my Deckchair
 
I don't like Anchovies
on top of Strawberries
and Cream
Pink Litmus Paper Shirt
Turning Blue
Kippers and Jam
Custard and Spam
are only just the stuff of dreams
 
I can't pretend to be
someone who pretends to be
someone else
Or so my pretend friend tells me
 
Unfinished words
flying like birds
Colliding circles in the sky
Left Is Right (And Right Is Wrong)
 
Hey Mister!
 
When you woke up this morning
Did you feel all alone?
Did you get a grip on yourself?
Were you just flesh and bone?
Did you long for the center-fold spread
of some bimbo-girl magazine
to appear by your side and physically question
you manhood
and make you come clean?
 
Hey! Hey Mister - all you need
is a little rock 'n' roll, rock 'n' roll,
rock 'n' roll...
 
When you woke up this morning
did you you feel like hell?
Did you think that some Jevohah's Witness
was a-ringing your bell?
Did you think you were in Babylon?
Did you take a good look around?
Or did you stick your head out the window
and find you could not make a sound?
 
Hey! Hey Mister - all you need
is a little rock 'n' roll, rock 'n' roll,
rock 'n' roll...
 
When you woke up this morning
did you get up and go?
Did you take a good at yourself in the mirror
and go on with the show?
Did you picture yourself as a Leonardo
Da Vinci with wrinkles and curls?
Or did you see just another piece of Modern Art
like "The Peppermint Tower In Praise Of Greedy Little Girls"?
 
Hey! Hey Mister - all you need
is a little rock 'n' roll, rock 'n' roll,
rock 'n' roll...
 
Easy Listening
 
 
 
Easy Listening
 
I'm in that easy listening mode
 
Easy Listening
 
Why don't we do it in the
middle of the road?
Kick off your shoes
sit back, relaxez-vouz
Tell me what more can
an old rocker do?
 
Easy listening
Easy listening
 
Easy listening
 
Never mind the world outside
 
Easy listening
 
Famine, war and genocide
 
Easy listening
 
Forget the looney on the loose
 
Easy listening
 
Rising crime and child abuse
 
Ignore the poisoned atmosphere
Open up another beer
The media feeds ya everyday
what to think and say
 
Kick off your shoes
sit back, relaxez-vous
 
relaxez-vous, relaxez-vous, relaxez-vous...
 
Tell me what more can
an old rocker do?
 
rocker do, rocker do...
 
Easy listening
 
Life could be a dream...
 
Easy listening
 
 
Now She's Left You
 
Now she's left you
Left you for another guy
Now she's left you
and you feel you wanna die
She's no longer by your side
and your tears you cannot hide
Now she's left you, my friend
Now she's left you
 
Now she's left you
and you're feeling so alone
Now she's left you
sat beside a telephone
that pulls at your heartstrings
every time it rings
Now she's left you, my friend
Now she's left you
 
Your love is up to date my friend today
Yesterday has gone and tomorrow's on its way
 
Now she's left you
and you don't know what to do
Now she's left you
Go and find somebody new
You have my sympathy
for she did the same to me
Now she's left you, my friend
Now she's left you
 
Now she's left you, my friend
Now she's left you
 
The Knicker Elastic King
 
He used to travel in bath cubes
until the slump came
Faced with redundancy
he turned his mind to other things
and soon became a household name
Knicker Elastic - everybody used it
Knicker Elastic - nobody refused it
The Knicker Elastic King
The Knicker Elastic King
 
A self-made man with a business to run
A something to sell - to everyone
The Knicker Elastic King
 
He grew so rich the Gnomes of Zurich
were green with envy
The darling of the Stock Exchange
made the New Year's Honours List
and won the Queen's Award to Industry
Knicker Elastic - essence of propriety
Knicker Elastic - upholder of society
The Knicker Elastic King
Ooh la la...
 
His rubber business kept expanding
but then disaster...
 
Ee bah gum!
 
The price of raw materials
coupled with inflation
squeezed his global holdings
his liquid assets bottomed out
and shrunk his retail outlet operation
 
...And that's the story of The Knicker Elastic King...
 
and market forces
 
The Knicker Elastic King...
 
'Horses for courses'
 
A self-made man with a business to run
And something to sell - to everyone
The Knicker Elastic King
Ooh la la...
The Knicker Elastic King
 
 
I Love You
 
Everytime I see you walk by
there's a certain look in your eye
and your smile says there's something that I
should tell you
 
Everytime we meet we say "Hi"
"How's it going?" "Fine" we reply
But I wonder what would happen if I
could tell you
 
I love you
I love you
 
I don't know why it is
or what you do to me
Vocabulary-wise
with you I'm all at sea
 
Everytime I'm with you I try
I'm not a shoe-gazin' kind of a guy
but somehow I just come over too shy
to tell you
 
Why can't I tell you tell how I feel?
It's so absurd
Why does my tongue get tied on
three little words?
 
I feel as if I'm falling apart
Do I blame my head or my heart?
Because I stop every time I start
to tell you
 
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you, I love you
I love you
 
Eine Kleine Middle Klasse Musik
 
Look at all the nice things money can buy
Every day there's more and more
Do you ever stop and wonder why
you're neither rich nor poor?
 
Eine Kleine Middle Klasse Musik...
 
Dropping off the school kids in the second car
Parking on the yellow line
Getting in the shopping on a credit card
Knowing how to choose a wine
 
Eine Kleine Middle Klasse Musik...
 
Proud of your home and your neighbourhood
It's so up-and-coming that you feel so good!
 
This is freedom in a land of plenty
You get nowhere if you just stand still
You got to hold on to what you got as best you can
'cos if you don't - someone else will
 
Look at all the nice things money can buy
Every day there's more and more
Do you ever stop and wonder why
you need to lock your door?
 
Loneliness is all that
people ever share
Smuggling their pain through
'Nothing To Declare'
Living next to people
who agree to disagree
Happy in a pie-chart
society
 
Eine Kleine Middle Klasse Musik...
Eine Kleine Middle Klasse Musik...
 
Joe Public
 
My name is Joe Public - I'm sure you all know me
Sometimes they call me 'the man in the street'
but I don't mind
 
I've got my place in society
I've got my feet on the ground
I've got my pride and my prejudices
No one can push me around
 
My name is Joe Public - I'm sure you all know me
Sometimes they call me 'the proletariat'
but I don't mind
 
They know me for my common sense
They know they can't please all of me
They know I can't be fooled - all of the time
I am what I am and I'm happy to be
Joe Public, that's me
Joe Public, that's me
I put my faith in the powers that be
Joe Public - that's me
 
My name is Joe Public - I'm sure you all know me
Sometimes they call me 'the great unwashed'
but I don't mind
 
Sticks and stones may break my bones
but names can never hurt me
I've got my pride and my prejudices
I am what I am and I'm happy to be
Joe Public, that's me
Joe Public, that's me
Joe Public, that's me
Joe Public, that's me
I put my faith in the powers that be
Joe Public - that's me
 
I put my faith in the powers that be...
I'm sure you all know me...
 
Shangri-La
 
Did you ever get the feeling
that the truth is less revealing
than a downright lie?
And did you think your head was hip
to certain things it's not equipped
to qualify?
 
All day long the sky is blue
and everyone says "how do you do"
in Shangri-La
Every day's a perfect day
and you can go your own sweet way
in Shangri-La
 
In Shangri-La...
In Shangri-La...
You can be whoever you are
In Shangri-La
 
Investment with a good return
provides the means through which we earn
our daily bread
Insisting on an equal cut
some people even bust a gut
to stay ahead
 
All day long the sky is blue
and no one has a lot to do
in Shangri-La
 
In Shangri-La...
In Shangri-La...
You can be whoever you are
In Shangri-La
 
It's a strange world we live in
but surely we're forgiven
if we don't know where to turn
With paradise for hire
on the back streets of desire
we all live and learn
 
All day long the sky is blue
and everyone's in love with you
in Shangri-La
Lovers dance and children sing
and everybody does their thing
in Shangri-La
 
In Shangri-La...
In Shangri-La...
You can be whoever you are
In Shangri-La-hah-hah-hah
In Shangri-La...
In Shangri-La...
You can be whoever you are
In Shangri-La
 
All together now...
1... 2... 3...
 
Lah-dee-doo-dah
Lah-dee-dah
Here we are
in Shangri-La...
 
 
Don't Know Why
 
I
don't know why
the world turns out to be
the way
it is
as time goes by
 
Oh, I
don't know why
true love turns out to be
the stuff
between
hello - and goodbye
 
Looking back
with 20/20 hindsight
we only tried to play our part
When selfishness is state of the art
you've just got to change the locks on your heart
 
No, I
don't know why
true love turns out to be
the stuff
between
hello - and goodbye
 
Looking back
with 20/20 hindsight
we only did the best we could
As green as any Norwegian Wood
the acid test of fame we withstood
 
Now I
don't know why
the world turns out to be
the way
it is
as time goes by
 
Oh, I
don't know why
true love turns out to be
the stuff
between
hello - and goodbye
 
Back In '64
 
Many years from now
when your grandchildren climb up on your knee
you may be quite astonished to see
how many channels they can change on TV
 
When some old film in black and white
comes on and there you are up on the screen
or is it someone just like someone you've been
looking not a day over nineteen
 
"Grandad..." the little ones are asking you
"Why do you look so sad?"
So you tell them all about the fun you had...
 
"Back in '64, before you were born
people had no time for pouring scorn
 
or scoring porn...
 
On dreams of love and peace
No one was obese
Only tight trousers were worn
 
"Back in '64 we were at it like knives
Back in '64, the time of our lives
was in the present tense
Now, does that make common sense?
Any more than girls with hair-do's
called 'beehives'?
 
"Back in '64, before you were born...
Back in '64, before you were born..."
 
But as you've gone on and on
your audience has flown
and as you find yourself all on your own
 
You may wistfully recall
how Benjamin Disraeli said that:
"Life is too short to be small"
or maybe...
Like some old time song
over all it's long - so
so long... it's all over.