The Administration's new chief budget negotiator has changed the momentum of discussions between the President and Republican congressional leaders. Known only as "Mr. Wooster," the enigmatic spokesman made quite an impression during his first appearance at Tuesday's White House budget summit. Seemingly unfettered by convention, the noseless Mr. Wooster frequently shouted down Republican leaders in his falsetto drawl. At one point, after twice calling House Speaker Newt Gingrich a "big fatty," Mr. Wooster grabbed a coffee mug with his mouth and hurled it at Senator Trent Lott, who narrowly ducked out of its path. When asked to comment on the contentious meeting, Senator Lott stated, "For the first time in my political career I was really scared. That little Wooster guy is evil." At Wednesday morning's press briefing, White House spokesman Michael McCurry dismissed as "malicious nonsense" previous speculation that Mr. Wooster is, in fact, a hand puppet. One reporter noted that Mr. Wooster appears to stop speaking whenever the President takes a drink of water. Mr. McCurry dismissed the significance of that observation, noting he had observed the same thing about Vice President Gore.
In a surprise announcement on Wednesday, President Clinton named television comedian Don Knotts to head the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Hoping to get beyond the controversies that had plagued his previous candidate for the position, the President called Mr. Knotts "a force for diversity, healing, and laughter." President Clinton downplayed questions about Mr. Knotts's lack of military experience, noting that "members of the military -- especially the U.S. military -- are overrepresented in the senior ranks." In support of his statement, he cited a 1995 General Accounting Office study which found that, although they comprise less than one percent of the U.S. population, members of the armed forces occupy nearly 98 percent of all senior military posts. Changing subjects abruptly, President Clinton turned to his new candidate with a request: "Hey Don, do them googley eyes." Mr. Knotts quickly obliged with his trademark look of bewilderment, which sent the President into convulsions of laughter. After regaining his composure, the President remarked: "Dontcha just love that?"
In a South Lawn ceremony on Thursday, President Clinton and Vice President Gore unveiled plans by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration to place an immense, delicious hamburger in geosynchronous orbit before the year 2000. Dubbed the Mondoburger (literally "world burger") by NASA officials, the project is based on an initial proposal personally submitted to the agency by the President last February. In his prepared remarks, President Clinton heralded "the dawning of a new era in food preservation," stating that "the airless vacuum of space will keep the Mondoburger's three million tons of flame-broiled beef fresh and satisfying for centuries to come, providing future astronauts with a tasty rest stop, and future generations with an eternal, sky-borne reminder of our own higher appetites."
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