Has lyrical poetry lost all meaning in modern society? NO!!! This'll remove all doubt...

VR Girl

by Timmy

sitting on my crapper
taking a big fat pooh
looked into my feces
and all i see is you

wish you were here
right next to me
if you were here you would like me

i love the way you smile
my love for you is true
my screen’s too small for you
you’re on my laptop just for me

i can see you smile
ten miles just for me
see you as my girlfriend
but it’s a fantasy

you world and mine
are two different worlds
if you were in mine you’d be my girl

i love the way you smile
my love for you is true
my screen's too small for you
you’re on my laptop just for me

Cannibal Love

by Sean

whenever i’m alone with you i think
about all the fun we could have
if only no one was looking
you may think i'm a delusioned psycho
but i know that i'm not because
all my friends think of you that way too

why don’t we all get on a boat
and sail away into the sea
nothing for food but each other
we could eat all of our friends
‘til we were the only ones left
and then we’d fall in love and be together

that’s my idea of romance

i want to take you out on a date
we can go smell some live fish bait at
uncle bob's bait and tackle
i want to hold your hand
while jumping out of a plane
with no parachute because then we’d be on tv

why don’t we all get on a boat
and sail away into the sea
nothing for food but each other
we could eat all of our friends
'til we were the only ones left
and then we’d fall in love and be together

that’s my idea of romance

Musk

by Timmy

the clock strikes three
i've been waiting an hour
i'm wondering
why you didn't come around

i guess you didn't like me
and that's all that matters
i'm starting to wonder
if it's my body odor

all boys have it
it's called musk
we don't want it
it's just natural
you say use deo, but it doesn't work
i guess i'm cursed with an odd case of stinkiness

all boys have problems
i guess mine is that i stink
all boys have problems
leave me alone
i don't care
i just put on a new pair of underwear
oh yeah!!!

the clock strikes three
this time you're here
i guess you've noticed
my stench has disappeared

now all the girls at school think i'm so fine
la la la la...(you get the point)

all boys have it
it's called musk
we don't want it
it's just natural
you say use deo, but it doesn't work
i guess i'm cursed with an odd case of stinkiness

all boys have problems
i guess mine is that i stink
all boys have problems
my new underwear
gave me a new smell
i think i'm gonna have some fun from now
oh yeah!!!

Bump the Bottom

by Sean

the first time i walked onto the deck
i saw a little speck at the bottom of the pool
and i knew just what it was
it was a little penny and i jumped in to get it
but before i could, i bumped my head

bump the bottom
again and again...and again!!!

right when i jumped into the pool
i felt a very cool sensation on my groin
and i knew just what it was
i forgot to tie the string that held my swimsuit up
when i surfaced, the life guard he told me to

pull it up
pull that swimsuit up
‘cuz everyone can see your ass
i humiliated myself just for you

i know i looked like a fool
but i did it all for you

bump the bottom
again and again
i humiliated myself just for you
i guess i just had nothing better to do

Nimrods from Outer Space

by Timmy

oh my god, what are those lights
hope they’re not gonna come tonight
i can’t stand those little men
they use me as they see fit

holy shucks, they’re coming
i hope they’re not the horny type
they always poke me in weird places
i can see it now they’re running through my door in lines
i’m in for a treat tonight

i don’t wanna be abducted tonight

please, i’m on my knees
DON’T TAKE ME NOW!!!

here it comes, the laser gun
they're gonna drill my teethe again
i'm so glad they're drugging me
now i don’t have to see me pee
good, now when i wake up
i will be in bed tonight
this wasn’t so bad after all

i don’t wanna be abducted tonight

oh, i’m waking up, i must be in bed...
I’M STILL IN SPACE!!!
they’re not done...those nimrods
they’re not done...those buttballs
and they still have some tests to do on me...

JABBA: “Naao kan bantha podo!!!” (translation: “Now you are bantha fodder!!!” in Tuttese) - from “Star Wars: Return of the Jedi”

Mumble

by Sean

(there aren't any words, he just kinda mumbles...hence the name)

Bestest Friends

by Timmy

i was always your best friend
even though we never met
saw the way you looked at me
now we will be wed (...?)

you were my best friend

i went downtown and i saw you there
i saw you holding hands
i shot you with my big raygun
and now you're really dead

you were my best friend

Mommy

by Sean

why must i always be
the kid who doesn't like his seat
in the classroom all the kids
they make fun of me
well they just don't understand
why my mom is now a man
she had a sex change
now i'll never hear the end

i love my mom
he will always be my mom

he is special on this earth
the only man to ever give birth
and all the other men are pissed
because they wish they did
all those kids they are so cold
i was only ten years old
when my mother came to me
and said, "son, i want to change..."

i love my mom
he will always be my mom

Yessiree...poetry is alive and kicking in '96. Whoever said that language is dying has obviously never encountered the unparalled brilliance and eloquence of the Smelly Men. Yup...pretty neato stuff, aye?