Day 1, March 6th

It's been a long time coming, but here I am, finally ready to take on what I suppose will be an interesting battle.  I'm sitting here listening to the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, which I haven't done in more months than I care to remember.  They're good, they've just changed.  But that's not the point, is it?  The point of this particular page is to put my body right out there, for everyone to see.  So here we go.  But don't expect any pictures.

I'm fat.  Obese, really.  And up until now, I haven't really cared.  I looked good in the clothes that I own, when I don't I buy new ones.  I regularly cry about my weight, but then go through days where I think I look good, so I think it all balances out to me not caring.

I've tried everything but not for extended periods of time.  Well, that's not true; I've never tried Ultra Slim Fast, and while I'm sure it works for some people I know it is not for me.  The idea of drinking 2 milkshakes a day instead of eating substantial meals makes me hungry already.  But anyway, I've tried cutting out foods, cutting down on foods, all of which I tried for about 3 days at a time.  The frustration of not seeing instant results drives me nuts, and on the 4th day I usually find some excuse to give up.  But not this time.  This time I'm keeping a record for anyone who wants to see it.  That should keep me on the right track.  Or overly self-conscious.  One of the two.
 

The food:
an omelet (green peppers, onions, and tomatoes), spinach salad with ranch dressing and croutons
a fajita pita from Chili's, with chicken
a raspberry margarita, salt on the rim
2 cups of CranGrape juice (it has calories)
about half a cup of red bean soup

The exercise:
walking roughly 20 minutes on the treadmill
arm stuff with a 5 pound weight
about 40 crunches
20 oblique crunches on each side
20 crunches with my legs in the air

I stood by my friend Latrella (not her real name, but a substitution I don't think she'll mind) while she ran on the treadmill.  I could have been walking too on a treadmill next to her but I'm stupid.  At any rate, I stood talking to her after I finished my short walk (I may have burned about half the margarita off) and she pointed out "fat in places I never had it before."  Now L. has always been somewhat of a... stickler... about her weight, and I always thought she imagined it.  Even at that particular moment I didn't see what she was talking about, as I watched her squeeze various sections of skin on her body and call herself fat.  But what I did noticed is how upset she was over it.  She'd been upset over this subject before, but perhaps I'd never seen the sadness, the look of near panic on her face.  Whether she was overweight or not was debateable; her feelings are not.

Two things may make her feel better- counselling or weight loss.  Counselling may help, but I don't think it is the answer because she's not crazy.  She's highly logical.  She made the decision to lose weight in an interesting way; she's decided she would just do it.  She is not going to try to lose weight; she would just lose weight.  I wish I had her will-power.  I've made decisions like that, and it's been utterly useless... no wait, it hasn't.  I remember that I gave up red meat that way; I just decided I wasn't going to eat it anymore, and it worked.  Hmm...

At any rate, so begins my change of life.  I've never put this kind of thing on the internet; maybe it will do me good, or keep me honest.  I wonder how long I'll keep this up....