Hostility

I could not be angrier than I am at this moment.

I could not feel more vile.

Did you feel the shift?

Did you feel me stumble and fall?

I have succumb to my father's escape tonight.

And after I am sickingly drunk, I will not think of this moment.

I will have, however temporarily,

Escaped

And you will be free to pursue whatever you wish

As it is painfully obvious that I am not it

FUCK!!!!!

I will not cry for you.

I have sworn it to myself

I will be firm, adamant, and angry.

Angry mostly at myself

Because I saw this coming

And because I did nothing about it

Numb me alcohol

So I don't have to feel this pain

This hurt that I am keeping at bay with rage.

I don't care anymore

I only want the truth.

Be a man and give it to me

Tell me what I have feared for so long

Lonliness is closing in and I know it will be hard

My heart can not take anymore

I have lost too many times and I know it's my fault

How else could so many of them do this to me?

It must be me

I want to burn you in the same way

But I won't

I want to hide and die

So you see, you've already won

I hope this is what you wanted

Because now you're going to get it

Larissa

08-03-05