Say you don't understand

I still can't explain

This tiredness will go on

Have to learn from this experience

Don't want to be numb again

I keep surrendering to something more than me

So I'll just put another knotch on the bed post

Make a vow to myself

Since I have already promised and sweared to you

I'd feel worse about this though

Have to really make a vow

To keep it will be a challenge

But I will not be the world's whore anymore

Just another pussy with no mind

It's aggravating

I could have saved myself

It's probably not my fault

But I have stood to fix it

And I am stamding on my own my feet for the first time

I am trying to make it change

Going through hell to be better for something I have lost

Something I could never really have

Have to put up that wall again

Take my heart and put it in a little box

Hide it away on a shelf away from the world's whores

To save myself

From myself

How ironically poetic of me

And I will run back to you someday

But it will be at your call

It will not be because I have to run to you

It will be over soon

I know it what it will take for me to thrive

Solace

Has to be my biggest fear to win

Have to conquer those first

And I am trying

Trying

What a horrible word

I am making a difference this time

I am already the worst person I could be

It can only get better from here

Isn't that what they say?

"If you're at the bottom, the only direction left to go is up"

I have news for them though

You can stick too

And for a while, I have been stuck

It adds up at the bottom

Maybe it will pile beneath me and push me out

I'll leave too

Forget them all, as they will forget me

More of them than my age

What a pathetic excuse I am

I know why

I am the one I'm leaving now

Have to be a phoenix

Also means I have to completely destroy myself first

I've almost finished that

Have to be alone

Have to put myself through hell

To be better at love

What a bunch of bull shit

Have to die to live

Everything is a contradiction

Even you

Especially you, I should say

I'm the one you will regret

While you forget

You can forget with the rest of them

And I can be...

Found sifting truth out of my head

That fool's gold is a real bummer

Not that I've noticed

Nothing has shimmered here for years

Meant to be, or not

I will stand up here

And I will do all I can do to change me

But I can't do anything for you

Sadly.....or indifferently

At least I am standing

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