| CITIES
CLASSIFIEDS |
| OFFICE HOURS: MONDAY TO FRIDAY: 8:30 am to
5 pm, SATURDAY: 8:30 to 12:00 noon. Please
Call or Fax your Classified in during office hours |
Don't know
where you are? Don't know where to put it? I'll tell you where to
go and where to stick it! Call 888-5757 ($5.60 per call)
RESPECTABLE
HOUSING REALTY LIMITED 888-2161 UNDER THE SEA
The name says it all. A 10x10 plot at the bottom of
nearby Lake Superior. Perfect for whatever needs you have
of a piece of land! $200,000 firm.
THE PIT
Not much to this one. 20'x20' lot, large hole in ground.
Near abandoned warehouses. Lots of rats. Looking to dump
fast.... Just reduced. $190,000
|
No basement, no house, no land. Needs work. 888-4990
$40,000
|
| I require 52
Educated Monkeys to pull my time machine and assist me in
my studies. Please reply to the big box outside of
Safeways. Address to HerrDoktor. |
| Plumber required
to squash mushrooms, turtles and rescue the princess. Box
195 |
GARBAGE REMOVAL
Garbage Picked Up and
Eaten on Site By Our
Trained Professionals Average
of $2.00 per Bag, Cost Varies on Bag Contents 888-9580
| BUSINESS AND
SERVICE DIRECTORY 270 |
Sunset
Memorial Conservatory, Greenhouse and Crematorium
Suite
224-900 Alloy Street Flowers, Plants, Trees Available for
Sale Burial
Plots, Niches and Mausoleums Available Come See Our Flowers! We
Feed Them Only the Freshest!
Soient
Green Available for the kids!
|
| Ever wonder what
gets scraped off the blades in slaughterhouses? Now you
can own some of your very own! $5 per box. 888-9011 |
| 1 sister for sale.
Verry chep. going fast! 888-9999 |
| Have you seen my
monkey? Rare South African Albino, answers to Darwin, and
loves bananas. Been missing since 25th. Reward Offered.
Box 200 |
| Do you like
poodles? Getting rid of devil-spawn poodle while family's
out of town. Bark sounds like the cry of Satan. Eats
little. Box 205 or call 888-1212. Reward. |
| Having Problems
With Your Teenager? Bring 'em Down to Sausage Supreme! We
pay by the pound! Box 220 |
| 16th century
warlord looking for old fashioned woman with large
assets. I've got a big sword! Handcuffs recommended. Box
230 |
| Large, hairy woman wants
small, tender, easily intimidated man for supper. Bring
enough sauce to coat body. Box 240 |
| DO YOU LIKE HAIRY
BACKS? How about a hairy butt? Aw, hell, I'm coated in
hair! Still interested? If so, then I'm the guy for you!
Box 250 |
| BROWN EYED GIRLS -
first i likes to stuffs 'em, then i likes to kills 'em,
then i likes to eats 'em! Box 255 |
| JUST IN TOWN FOR A
BIT - then i go back to mars in my monkey powered time
shuttle! you can come with me! Box 256 |
 |
MAN
ALIVE!! HE'S 25!! Happy 25th Old Bill, we all
love you down here at the sausage factory.
|
|
| LOVE MONKEY #9 -
I'll talk dirty to you... bananas, trees, cages, chains,
whatever... 888-2324 |
| Single White
Monkey, 2, likes swinging and bananas. Looking for same.
Box 210 |
| I'VE GOT A BIG
TREE - and you can help me shake it! OOO AAAA OOOO AAAA!
Love Monkey #14. 888-4554 |
| Single White Human
Male, looking for young monkey for good times. Box 260 |
| Single Monkey
looking for crosspecies relationship with a baboon. Box
265 |
OPENING
THIS WEDNESDAY! THE FIGHT OF THE CENTURY! MONKEY BOXING LEAGUE (MBL)
PRESENTS... MURRAY
VS BILL TWO WILD HUMANS CAPTURED, WILL FIGHT TO THE
DEATH FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT OF MONKEYS EVERYWHERE! PLANET OF THE APES-ESQUE ARENA
TICKETS RANGE FROM $40-$90
DEPENDING ON SEATING GET
YOURS NOW! 888-2525 (ticket vendor)
CELEBRATION!
Come to town square this
friday for King Oook Aaak's son's first birthday. Entertainment Includes:
Community grooming, numerous fights for male monkey dominance,
and a furious amount of partying down! BYOB (bring your own bananas)