WHY I SMELL HORRIBLE

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A BRIEF HISTORY ON THE SUBJECT
For a long time there has been a horrible rumor brewing that I smell really bad. As disturbing as this subject is to me, I have just recently discovered that this rumor is true. I have tried to avoid the inevitable truth but with a smell as rancid as this, the facts hit me right in the face. I SMELL!!! AND IT'S TEARING ME APART!!!


THE EXTENSIVE SCIENTIFIC STUDIES DONE ON THIS SUBJECT
Since this subject greatly affects me (emotionally and physically) great care and thouroughness was taken in the studies of my odor.
FACT #1: Small fur bearing woodland creatures cough and avoid me when I visit them.
FACT #2: Nobody can talk to me without calling me some nick name or making some sort of comment. Like: Hey stinky, get away from me stinky, you're stinky, hey lets all run away from stinky, my grandma said you're stinky, .... and so on
FACT #3: My dog comes to me backwards when I call for him.
FACT #4: I get the shower at the gym to myself (this is actually a good point seeing as how I'm shy).
FACT #5: My good pal Saddam asked me for a sample.


MY CONCLUSIONS
Roses are red, violets are blue, it's hard to be happy when you smell like POO