thecoolguys@hotmail.com Chapter Six
All You Need Is Love
I had planned to spend most of 1984 working on some movie ideas I
had, but those plans got sidetracked. First, in January, I was
burned on the set of a Pepsi commercial I was shooting with my
brothers.
The reason for the fire was stupidity, pure and simple. We were
shooting at night and I was supposed to come down a staircase
with magnesium flash bombs going off on either side of me and
just behind me. It seemed so simple. I was to walk down the
stairs and these bombs would blow up behind me. We did several
takes that were wonderfully timed. The lightning effects from the
bombs were great. Only later did I find out that these bombs were
only two feet away from either side of my head, which was a total
disregard of the safety regulations. I was supposed to stand in
the middle of a magnesium explosion, two feet on either side.
Then Bob Giraldi, the director, came to me and said,
"Michael, you're going down too early. We want to see you up
there, up on the stairs. When the lights come on, we want to
reveal that you're there, so wait ."
So I waited, the bombs went off on either side of my head, and
the sparks set my hair on fire. I was dancing down this ramp and
turning around, spinning, not knowing I was on fire. Suddenly I
felt my hands reflexively going to my head in an attempt to
smother the flames. I fell down and just tried to shake the
flames out. Jermaine turned around and saw me on the ground, just
after the explosions had gone off, and he thought I had been shot
by someone in the crowd - because we were shooting in front of a
big audience. That's what it looked like to him.
Miko Brando, who works for me, was the first person to reach me.
After that, it was chaos. It was crazy. No film could properly
capture the drama of what went on that night. The crowd was
screaming. Someone shouted, "Get some ice!" There were
frantic running sounds. People were yelling, "Oh no!"
The emergency truck came up and before they put in I saw the
Pepsi executives huddled together in a corner, looking terrified.
I remember the medical people putting me on a cot and the guys
from Pepsi were so scared they couldn't even bring themselves to
check on me.
Meanwhile, I was kind of detached, despite the terrible pain. I
was watching all the drama unfold. Later they told me I was in
shock, but I remember enjoying the ride to the hospital because I
never thought I'd ride in an ambulance with the sirens wailing.
It was one of those things I had always wanted to do when I was
growing up. When we got there, they told me there were news crews
outside, so I asked for my glove. There's a famous shot of me
waving from the stretcher with my glove on.
Later one on the doctors told me that it was a miracle I was
alive. One of the firemen had mentioned that in most cases your
clothes catch on fire, in which case your whole face can be
disfigured or you can die. That's it. I had third-degree burns on
the back of my head that almost went through to my skull, so I
had a lot of problems with it, but I was very lucky.
What we now know is that the incident created a lot of publicity
for the commercial. They sold more Pepsi than ever before. And
they came back to me later and offered me the biggest commercial
endorsement fee in history. It was so unprecedented that it went
into The Guinness Book of World Records. Pepsi and I worked
together on another commercial, called "The Kid," and I
gave them problems by limiting the shots of me because I felt the
shots they were asking for didn't work well. Later, when the
commercial was a success, they told me I had been right.
I still remember how scared those Pepsi executives looked the
night of the fire. They thought that my getting burned would
leave a bad taste in the mouth of every kid in America who drank
Pepsi. They knew I could have sued them and I could have, but I
was real nice about it. Real nice. They gave me $1,500,000 which
I immediately donated to the Michael Jackson Burn Center. I
wanted to do something because I was so moved by the other burn
patients I met while I was in the hospital.
Then there was the Victory tour. I did fifty-five shows with my
brothers over the course of five months.
I didn't want to go on the Victory tour and I fought against it.
I felt the wisest thing for me would be not to do the tour, but
my brothers wanted to do it and I did it for them. So I told
myself that since I was committed to doing this, I might as well
put my soul into it.
When it came down to the actual tour, I was outvoted on a number
of issues, but you don't think when you're onstage, you just
deliver. My goal for the Victory tour was to give each
performance everything I could. I hoped people might come to see
me who didn't even like me. I hoped they might hear about the
show and want to see what's going on. I wanted incredible
word-of-mouth response to the show so a wide range of people
would come and see us. Word of mouth is the best publicity.
Nothing beats it. If someone I trust comes to me and tells me
something is great, I'm sold.
I felt very powerful in those days of Victory. I felt on top of
the world. I felt determined. That tour was like: "We're a
mountain. We've come to share our music with you. We have
something we want to tell you." At the beginning of the
show, we rose out of the stage and came down these stairs. The
opening was dramatic and bright and captured the whole feeling of
the show. When the lights came on and they saw us, the roof would
come off the place.
It was a nice feeling, playing with my brothers again. It gave us
a chance to relive our days as the Jackson 5 and the Jacksons. We
were all together again. Jermaine had come back and we were
riding a wave of popularity. It was the biggest tour any group
had ever done, in huge outdoor stadiums. But I was disappointed
with the tour from the beginning. I had wanted to move the world
like it had never been moved. I wanted to present something that
would make people say, "Wow! That's wonderful!" The
response we got was wonderful and the fans were great, but I
became unhappy with our show. I didn't have the time or the
opportunity to perfect it the way I wanted to. I was disappointed
in the staging of "Billie Jean." I wanted it to be so
much more than it was. I didn't like the lighting and I never got
my steps quite the way I wanted them. It killed me to have to
accept these things and settle for doing it the way I did.
There've been times right before a show when certain things were
bothering me - business or personal problems. I would think,
"I don't know how to go through with this. I don't know how
I'm going to get through the show. I can't perform like
this."
But once I get to the side of the stage, something happens. The
rhythm starts and the lights hit me and the problems disappear.
This has happened so many times. The thrill of performing just
takes me over. It's like God saying, "Yes, you can. Yes, you
can. Just wait. Wait till you hear this. Wait till you see
this." And the backbeat gets in my backbone and it vibrates
and it just takes me. Sometimes I almost lose control and the
musicians say, "What is he doing?" and they start
following me. You change the whole schedule of a piece. You stop
and you just take over from scratch and do a whole other thing.
The song takes you in another direction.
There was a part of the show on the Victory tour where I was
doing this scatting theme and the audience was repeating what I
said. I'd say, "Da, de, da, de" and they'd say,
"Da, de, da, de." There've been times when I've done
that and they would start stomping. And when the whole audience
is doing that, it sounds like an earthquake. Oh! It's a great
feeling to be able to do that with all those people - whole
stadiums - and they're all doing the same thing you're doing.
It's the greatest feeling in the world. You look out in the
audience and see toddlers and teens and grandparents and people
in their twenties and thirties. Everybody is swaying, their hands
are up, and they're all singing. You ask that the house lights
come on and you see their faces and you say, "Hold
hands" and they hold hands and you say, "Stand up"
or "Clap" and they do. They're enjoying themselves and
they'll whatever you tell them. They love it and it's so
beautiful - all the races of people are together doing this. At
times like that I say, "Look around you. Look at yourselves.
Look. Look around you. Look at what you have done." Oh, it's
so beautiful. Very powerful. Those are great moments.
The Victory tour was my first chance to be exposed to the Michael
Jackson fans since Thriller had come out two years earlier. There
were some strange reactions. I'd bump into people in hallways and
they'd go, "Naw, that can't be him. He wouldn't be
here." I was baffled and I'd ask myself, "Why wouldn't
I? I'm on earth somewhere . I've got to be somewhere at any given
time. Why not here?" Some fans imagine you to be almost an
illusion, this thing that doesn't exist. When they see you, they
feel it's a miracle or something. I've had fans ask me if I use
the bathroom. I mean, it gets embarrassing. They just lose touch
with the fact that you're like them because they get so excited.
But I can understand it because I'd feel the same way if, for
instance, I could have met Walt Disney or Charlie Chaplin.
Kansas City opened the tour. It was Victory's first night. We
were walking by the hotel pool in the evening and Frank Dileo
lost his balance and fell in. People saw this and started to get
excited. Some of us were kind of embarrassed, but I was laughing.
He wasn't hurt and he looked so surprised. We jumped over a low
wall and found ourselves on the street without any security.
People didn't seem to be able to believe that we were just
walking around on the street like that. They gave us a wide
berth.
Later when we returned to the hotel, Bill Bray, who has headed my
security team since I was a child, just shook his head and
laughed as we recounted our adventures.
Bill is very careful and immensely professional in his job, but
he doesn't worry about things after the fact. He travels with me
everywhere and occasionally he's my only companion on short
trips. I can't imagine life without Bill; he's warm and funny and
absolutely in love with life. He's a great man.
When the tour was in Washington, D.C., I was out on our hotel
balcony with Frank, who has a great sense of humor and enjoys
playing pranks himself. We were teasing one another and I started
pulling $100 bills from his pockets and throwing them to people
who were walking down below. This almost caused a riot. He was
trying to stop me, but we were both laughing. It reminded me of
the pranks my brothers and I used to pull on tour. Frank sent our
security people downstairs to try and find any undiscovered money
in the bushes.
In Jacksonville, the local police almost killed us in a traffic
accident during the four-block drive from the hotel to the
stadium. Later, in another part of Florida, when the old tour
boredom set in that I described earlier, I played a little trick
on Frank. I asked him to come up to my suite and when he came in
I offered him some watermelon, which was lying on a table across
the room. Frank went over to pick up a piece and tripped over my
boa constrictor, Muscles, who was on the road with me. Muscles is
harmless, but Frank hates snakes and proceeded to scream and
yell. I started chasing him around the room with the boa. Frank
got the upper hand, however. He panicked, ran from the room, and
grabbed the security guard's gun. He was going to shoot Muscles,
but the guard calmed him down. Later he said all he could think
of was: "I've got to get that snake." I've found that a
lot of tough men are afraid of snakes.
We were locked in hotels all over America, just like in the old
days. Me and Jermaine or me and Randy would get up to our old
tricks, taking buckets of water and pouring them off hotel
balconies onto people eating in the atriums far below. We were up
so high the water was just mist by the time it reached them. It
was just like the old days, bored in the hotels, locked away from
fans for our own protection, unable to go anywhere without
massive security.
But there were a lot of days that were fun too. We had a lot of
time off on that tour and we got to take five little vacations to
Disney World. Once, when we were staying in the hotel there, an
amazing thing happened. I'll never forget it. I was on a balcony
where we could see a big area. There were all these people. It
was so crowded that people were bumping into each other. Someone
in that crowd recognized me and started screaming my name.
Thousands of people began chanting, "Michael! Michael!"
and it was echoing all over the park. The chanting continued
until finally it was so loud that if I hadn't acknowledged it, it
would have been rude. As soon as I did, everybody started
screaming. I said, "Oh, this is so beautiful. I've got it so
good." All the work I'd put in on Thriller , my crying and
believing in my dreams and working on those songs and falling
asleep near the microphone stand because I was so tired, all of
it was repaid by this display of affection.
I've seen times where I'd walk into a theater to see a play and
everybody would just start applauding. Just because they're glad
that I happen to be there. At moments like that, I feel so
honored and so happy. It makes all the work seem worthwhile.
The Victory tour was originally going to be called "The
Final Curtain" because we all realized it was going to be
the last tour we did together. But we decided not to put the
emphasis on that.
I enjoyed the tour. I knew it would be a long road; in the end,
it was probably too long. The best part of it for me was seeing
the children in the audience. Every night there would be a number
of them who had gotten all dressed up. They were so excited. I
was truly inspired by the kids on that tour, kids of all ethnic
groups and ages. It's been my dream since I was a child to
somehow unite people of the world through love and music. I still
get goose bumps when I hear the Beatles sing "All You Need
Is Love." I've always wished that song could be an anthem
for the world.
I loved the shows we did in Miami and all the time we spent
there. Colorado was great too. We got to spend some time relaxing
up at the Caribou Ranch. And New York was really something, as it
always is. Emmanuel Lewis came to the show, as did Yoko, Sean
Lennon, Brooke, a lot of good friends. Thinking back, the
offstage moments stand out for me as much as the concerts
themselves. I found I could lose myself in some of those shows. I
remember swinging my jackets around and slinging them into the
audience. The wardrobe people would get annoyed at me and I'd say
honestly, "I'm sorry but I can't help it. I can't control
myself. Something takes over and I know I shouldn't do it, but
you just can't control it. There's a spirit of joy and communion
that gets inside you and you want to just let it all out."
We were on the Victory tour when we learned that my sister Janet
had gotten married. Everybody was afraid to tell me because I am
so close to Janet. I was shocked. I feel very protective of her.
Quincy Jones's little daughter was the one to break the news to
me.
I've always enjoyed a wonderfully close relationship with all
three of my beautiful sisters. LaToya is really a wonderful
person. She's very easy to be around, but she can be funny, too.
You go in her room and you can't sit on the couch, you can't sit
on the bed, you can't walk on the carpet. This is the truth. She
will run you out of her room. She wants everything to be perfect
in there. I say, "You have to walk on the carpet
sometimes," but she doesn't want prints on it. If you cough
at the table, she covers her plate. If you sneeze, forget it.
That's how she is. Mother says she used to be that way herself.
Janet, on the other hand, was always a tomboy. She has been my
best friend in the family for the longest time. That's why it
killed me to see her go off and get married. We did everything
together. We shared the same interests, the same sense of humor.
When we were younger, we'd get up on "free" mornings
and write out a whole schedule for the day. Usually it would read
something like this: GET UP, FEED THE ANIMALS, HAVE BREAKFAST,
WATCH SOME CARTOONS, GO TO THE MOVIES, GO TO A RESTAURANT, GO TO
ANOTHER MOVIE, GO HOME AND GO SWIMMING. That was our idea of a
great day. In the evening, we'd look back at the list and think
about all the fun we'd had.
It was great being with Janet because we didn't have to worry
that one of us wouldn't like something. We liked the same things.
We'd sometimes read to each other. She was like my twin.
LaToya are I are very different, on the other hand. She won't
even feed the animals; the smell alone drives her away. And
forget going to the movies. She doesn't understand what I see in
Star Wars or Close Encounters or Jaws . Our tastes in films are
miles apart.
When Janet was around and I wasn't working on something, we'd be
inseparable. But I knew we'd eventually develop separate
interests and attachments. It was inevitable.
Her marriage didn't last long, unfortunately, but now she's happy
again. I do think that marriage can be a wonderful thing if it's
right for the two people involved. I believe in love - very much
so - how can you not believe after you've experienced it? I
believe in relationships. One day I know I'll find the right
woman and get married myself. I often look forward to having
children; in fact, it would be nice to have a big family, since I
come from such a large one myself. In my fantasy about having a
large family, I imagine myself with thirteen children.
Right now, my work still takes up most of my time and most of my
emotional life. I work all the time. I love creating and coming
up with new projects. As for the future, Que sera, sera . Time
will tell. It would be hard for me to be that dependent on
somebody else, but I can imagine it if I try. There's so much I
want to do and so much work to be done.
I can't help but pick up on some of the criticism leveled at me
at times. Journalists seem willing to say anything to sell a
paper. They say I've had my eyes widened, that I want to look
more white. More white? What kind of statement is that? I didn't
invent plastic surgery. It's been around for a long time. A lot
of very fine, very nice people have had plastic surgery. No one
writes about their surgery and levies such criticism at them.
It's not fair. Most of what they print is a fabrication. It's
enough to make you want to ask, "What happened to truth? Did
it go out of style?"
In the end, the most important thing is to be true to yourself
and those you love and work hard. I mean, work like there's no
tomorrow. Train. Strive. I mean, really train and cultivate your
talent to the highest degree. Be the best at what you do. Get to
know more about your field than anybody alive. Use the tools of
your trade, if it's books or a floor to dance on or a body of
water to swim in. Whatever it is, it's yours. That's what I've
always tried to remember. I thought about it a lot on the Victory
tour.
In the end, I felt I touched a lot of people on the Victory tour.
Not exactly in the way I wanted to, but I felt that would happen
later, when I was off on my own, performing and making movies. I
donated all my performance money to charity, including funds for
the burn center that helped me after the fire on the Pepsi set.
We donated more than four million dollars that year. For me, that
was what the Victory tour was all about - giving back.
After my experience with the Victory tour, I started making my
career decisions with more care than ever. I had learned a lesson
on an earlier tour, which I remembered vividly during the
difficulties with Victory.
We did a tour years ago with this guy who ripped us off, but he
taught me something. He said, "Listen, all these people work
for you . You don't work for them . You are paying them." He
kept telling me that. Finally I began to understand what he
meant. It was an entirely new concept for me because at Motown
everything was done for us. Other people made our decisions. I've
been mentally scarred by that experience. "You've got to
wear this. You've got to do these songs. You are going here. You
are going to do this interview and that TV show." That's how
it went. We couldn't say anything. When he told me I was in
control, I finally woke up. I realized he was right.
Despite everything, I owe that guy a debt of gratitude.
Captain Eo came about because the Disney Studios wanted me to
come up with a new ride for the parks. They said they didn't care
what I did, as long as it was something creative. I had this big
meeting with them, and during the course of the afternoon I told
them that Walt Disney was a hero of mine and that I was very
interested in Disney's history and philosophy. I wanted to do
something with that Mr. Disney himself would have approved. I had
read a number of books about Walt Disney and his creative empire,
and it was very important to me to do things as he would have. In
the end, they asked me to do a movie and I agreed. I told them I
would like to work with George Lucas and Steven Spielberg. It
turned out Steven was busy, so George brought Francis Ford
Coppola and that was the Captain Eo team.
I flew up to San Francisco a couple of times to visit George at
his place, Skywalker Ranch, and gradually we came up with a
scenario for a short film that would incorporate every recent
advance in 3-D technology. Caption Eo would look and feel like
the audience was in a spaceship, along for the ride.
Captain Eo is about transformation and the way music can help to
change the world. George came up with the name Captain Eo. (Eo is
Greek for "dawn.") The story is about a young guy who
goes on a mission to this miserable planet run by an evil queen.
He is entrusted with the responsibility of bringing the
inhabitants light and beauty. It's a great celebration of good
over evil.
Working on Captain Eo reinforced all the positive feelings I've
had about working in film and made me realize more than ever that
movies are where my future path probably lies. I love the movies
and have since I was real little. For two hours you can be
transported to another place. Films can take you anywhere. That's
what I like. I can sit down and say, "Okay, nothing else
exists right now. Take me to a place that's wonderful and make me
forget about my pressures and my worries and day-to-day
schedule."
I also love to be in front of a 35 mm camera. I used to hear my
brothers say, "I'll be glad when this shoot is over,"
and I couldn't understand why they weren't enjoying it. I would
be watching, trying to learn, seeing what the director was trying
to get, what the light man was doing. I wanted to know where the
light was coming from and why the director was doing a scene so
many times. I enjoyed hearing about the changes being made in the
script. It's all part of what I consider my ongoing education in
films. Pioneering new ideas is so exciting to me and the movie
industry seems to be suffering right now from a dearth of ideas;
so many people are doing the same things. The big studios remind
me of the way Motown was acting when we were having disagreements
with them: They want easy answers, they want their people to do
formula stuff - sure bets - only the public gets bored, of
course. So many of them are doing the same old corny stuff.
George Lucas and Steven Spielberg are exceptions.
I'm going to try to make some changes. I'm going to try to change
things around someday. Marlon Brando has become a very close and
trusted friend of mine. I can't tell you how much he's taught me.
We sit and talk for hours. He has told me a great deal about the
movies. He is such a wonderful actor and he has worked with so
many giants in the industry - from other actors to cameramen. He
has a respect for the artistic value of filmmaking that leaves me
in awe. He's like a father to me.
So these days movies are my number one dream, but I have a lot of
other dreams too.
In early 1985 we cut "We Are the World" at an all-night
all-star recording session that was held after the ceremony for
the American Music Awards. I wrote the song with Lionel Richie
after seeing the appalling news footage of starving people in
Ethiopia and the Sudan.
Around that time, I used to ask my sister Janet to follow me into
a room with interesting acoustics, like a closet of the bathroom,
and I'd sing to her, just a note, a rhythm of a note. It wouldn't
be a lyric or anything; I'd just hum from the bottom of my
throat. I'd say, "Janet, what do you see? What do you see
when you hear this sound?" And this time she said,
"Dying children in Africa."
"You're right. That's what I was dictating from my
soul."
And she said, "You're talking about Africa. You're talking
about dying children." That's where "We Are the
World" came from. We'd go in a dark room and I'd sing notes
to her. To my mind, that's what singers should be able to do. We
should be able to perform and be effective, even if it's in a
dark room. We've lost a lot because of TV. You should be able to
move people without all that advanced technology, without
pictures, using only sound.
I've been performing for as long as I can remember. I know a lot
of secrets, a lot of things like that.
I think that "We Are the World" is a very spiritual
song, but spiritual in a special sense. I was proud to be a part
of that song and to be one of the musicians there that night. We
were united by our desire to make a difference. It made the world
a better place for us and it made a difference to the starving
people we wanted to help.
We collected some Grammy Awards and began to hear easy-listening
versions of "We Are the World" in elevators along with
"Billie Jean." Since first writing it, I had thought
that song should be sung by children. When I finally heard
children singing it on producer George Duke's version, I almost
cried. It's the best version I've heard.
After "We Are the World," I again decided to retreat
from public view. For two and a half years I devoted most of my
time to recording the follow-up to Thriller , the album that came
to be titled Bad .
Why did it take so long to make Bad? The answer is that Quincy
and I decided that this album should be as close to perfect as
humanly possible. A perfectionist has to take his time; he shapes
and he molds and he sculpts that thing until it's perfect. He
can't let it go before he's satisfied; he can't.
If it's not right, you throw it away and do it over. You work
that thing till it's just right. When it's as perfect as you can
make it, you put it out there. Really, you've got to get it to
where it's just right; that's the secret. That's the difference
between a number thirty record and a number one record that stays
number one for weeks. It's got to be good. If it is, it stays up
there and the whole world wonders when it's going to come down.
I have a hard time explaining how Quincy Jones and I work
together on making an album. What I do is, I write the songs and
do the music and then Quincy brings out the best in me. That's
the only way I can explain it. Quincy will listen and make
changes. He'll say, "Michael, you should put a change in
there," and I'll write a change. And he'll guide me on and
help me create and help me invent and work on new sounds, new
kinds of music.
And we fight. During the Bad sessions we disagreed on some
things. If we struggle at all, it's about new stuff, the latest
technology. I'll say, "Quincy, you know, music changes all
the time." I want the latest drum sounds that people are
doing. I want to go beyond the latest thing. And then we go ahead
and make the best record that we can.
We don't ever try to pander to the fans. We just try to play on
the quality of the song. People will not buy junk. They'll only
buy what they like. If you take all the trouble to get in your
car, go to the record store, and put your money on the counter,
you've got to really like what you're going to buy. You don't
say, "I'll put a country song on here for the country
market, a rock song for that market," and so on. I feel
close to all different styles of music. I love some rock songs
and some country songs and some pop and all the old rock 'N' roll
records.
We did go after a rock type of song with "Beat It." We
got Eddie Van Halen to play guitar because we knew he'd do the
best job. Albums should be for all races, all tastes in music.
In the end, many songs kind of create themselves. You just say,
"This is it. This is how it's going to be." Of course,
not every song is going to have a great dance tempo. It's like
"Rock with You" isn't a great dance tempo. It was meant
for the old dance the Rock. But it's not a "Don't Stop"
or "Working Day and Night" rhythm or a "Startin'
Something" type of thing - something you can play with on
the dance floor and get sweaty, working out to.
We worked on Bad for a long time. Years. In the end, it was worth
it because we were satisfied with what we had achieved, but it
was difficult too. There was a lot of tension because we felt we
were competing with ourselves. It's very hard to create something
when you feel like you're in competition with yourself because no
matter how you look at it, people are always going to compare Bad
to Thriller . You can always say, "Aw, forget Thriller
," but no one ever will.
I think I have a slight advantage in all of this because I always
do my best work under pressure.
"Bad" is a song about the street. It's about this kid
from a bad neighborhood who gets to go away to a private school.
He comes back to the old neighborhood when he's on a break from
school and the kids from the neighborhood start giving him
trouble. He sings, "I'm bad, you're bad, who's bad, who's
the best?" He's saying when you're strong and good, then
you're bad.
"Man in the Mirror" is a great message. I love that
song. If John Lennon was alive, he could really relate to that
song because it says that if you want to make the world a better
place, you have to work on yourself and change first. It's the
same thing Kennedy was talking about when he said, "Ask not
what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your
country." If you want to make the world a better place, take
a look at yourself and make a change. Start with the man in the
mirror. Start with yourself. Don't be looking at all the other
things. Start with you.
That's the truth. That's what Martin Luther King meant and Gandhi
too. That's what I believe.
Several people have asked me if I had anybody in mind when I
wrote "Can't Stop Loving You." And I say that I didn't,
really. I was thinking of somebody while I was singing it, but
not while I was writing it.
I wrote all the songs on Bad except for two, "Man in the
Mirror," which Siedah Garrett wrote with George Ballard, and
"Just Good Friends," which is by these two writers who
wrote "What's Love Got to Do with It" for Tina Turner.
We needed a duet for me and Stevie Wonder to sing and they had
this song; I don't even think they intended for it to be a duet.
They wrote it for me, but I knew it would be perfect for me and
Stevie to sing together.
"Another Part of Me" was one of the earliest songs
written for Bad and made its public debut at the end of Captain
Eo when the captain says good-bye. "Speed Demon" is a
machine song. "The Way You Make Me Feel" and
"Smooth Criminal" are simply the grooves I was in at
the time. That's how I would put it.
"Leave Me Alone" is a track that appears only on the
compact disc of Bad . I worked hard on the song, stacking vocals
on top of each other like layers of clouds. I'm sending a simple
message here: "Leave me alone." The song is about a
relationship between a guy and a girl. But what I'm really saying
to people who are bothering me is: "Leave me alone ."
The pressure of success does funny things to people. A lot of
people become successful very quickly and it's an instant
occurrence in their lives. Some of these people, whose success
might be a one-shot thing, don't know how to handle what happens
to them.
I look at fame from a different perspective, since I've been in
this business for so long now. I've learned that the way to
survive as your own person is to shun personal publicity and keep
a low profile as much as possible. I guess it's good in some ways
and bad in others.
The hardest part is having no privacy. I remember when we were
filming "Thriller," Jackie Onassis and Shaye Areheart
came to California to discuss this book. There were photographers
in the trees, everywhere. It was not possible for us to do
anything without it being noticed and reported.
The price of fame can be a heavy one. Is the price you pay worth
it? Consider that you really have no privacy. You can't really do
anything unless special arrangements are made. The media prints
whatever you say. They report whatever you do. They know what you
buy, which movies you see, you name it. If I go to a public
library, they print the titles of the books I check out. In
Florida once, they printed my whole schedule in the paper;
everything I did from ten in the morning until six at night.
"After he did this, he did that, and after he did that, he
went there, then he went door to door, and then he . . ."
I remember thinking to myself, "What if I were trying to do
something that I didn't happen to want reported in the
paper?" All of this is the price of fame.
I think my image gets distorted in the public's mind. They don't
get a clear or full picture of what I'm like, despite the press
coverage I mentioned early. Mistruths are printed as fact, in
some cases, and frequently only half of a story will be told. The
part that doesn't get printed is often the part that would make
the printed part less sensational by shedding light on the facts.
As a result, I think some people don't think I'm a person who
determines what's happening with his career. Nothing could be
further from the truth.
I've been accused of being obsessed with my privacy and it's true
that I am. People stare at you when you're famous. They're
observing you and that's understandable, but it's not always
easy. If you were to ask me why I wear sunglasses in public as
often as I do, I'd tell you it's because I simply don't like to
have to constantly look everyone in the eye. It's a way of
concealing just a bit of myself. After I had my wisdom teeth
pulled, the dentist gave me a surgical mask to wear home to keep
out germs. I loved that mask. It was great - much better than
sunglasses - and I had fun wearing it around for a while. There's
so little privacy in my life that concealing a little bit of me
is a way to give myself a break from all that. It may be
considered strange, I know, but I like my privacy.
I can't answer whether or not I like being famous, but I do love
achieving goals. I love not only reaching a mark I've set for
myself but exceeding it. Doing more than I thought I could,
that's a great feeling. There's nothing like it. I think it's so
important to set goals for yourself. It gives you an idea of
where you want to go and how you want to get there. If you don't
aim for something, you'll never know whether you could have hit
the mark.
I've always joked that I didn't ask to sing and dance, but it's
true. When I open my mouth, music comes out. I'm honored that I
have this ability. I thank God for it every day. I try to
cultivate what He gave me. I feel I'm compelled to do what I do.
There are so many things all around us to be thankful for. Wasn't
it Robert Frost who wrote about the world a person can see in a
leaf? I think that's true. That's what I love about being with
kids. They notice everything. They aren't jaded. They get excited
by things we've forgotten to get excited about any more. They are
so natural too, so unself-conscious. I love being around them.
There always seems to be a bunch of kids over at the house and
they're always welcome. They energize me - just being around
them. They look at everything with such fresh eyes, such open
minds. That's part of what makes kids so creative. They don't
worry about the rules. The picture doesn't have to be in the
center of the piece of paper. The sky doesn't have to be blue.
They are accepting people too. The only demand they make is to be
treated fairly - and to be loved. I think that's what we all
want.
I would like to think that I'm an inspiration for the children I
meet. I want kids to like my music. Their approval means more to
me than anyone else's. It's always the kids who know which song
is going to be a hit. You see kids who can't even talk yet, but
they've got a little rhythm going. It's funny. But they're a
tough audience. In fact, they're the toughest audience. There
have been so many parents who have come to me and told me that
their baby knows "Beat It" or loves
"Thriller." George Lucas told me his daughter's first
words were "Michael Jackson." I felt on top of the
world when he told me that.
I spend a lot of free time - in California and when I'm traveling
- visiting children's hospitals. It makes me so happy to be able
to brighten those kids' day by just showing up and talking with
them, listening to what they have to say and making them feel
better. It's so sad for children to have to get sick. More than
anyone else, kids don't deserve that. They often can't even
understand what's wrong with them. It makes my heart twist. When
I'm with them, I just want to hug them and make it all better for
them. Sometimes sick children will visit me at home or in my
hotel rooms on the road. A parent will get in touch with me and
ask if their child can visit with me for a few minutes. Sometimes
when I'm with them I feel like I understand better what my mother
must have gone through with her polio. Life is too precious and
too short not to reach out and touch the people we can.
You know, when I was going through that bad period with my skin
and my adolescent growth spurts, it was kids who never let me
down. They were the only ones who accepted the fact that I was no
longer little Michael and that I was really the same person
inside, even if you didn't recognize me. I've never forgotten
that. Kids are great. If I were living for no other reason than
to help and please kids, that would be enough for me. They're
amazing people. Amazing. I am a person who is very much in
control of his life. I have a team of exceptional people working
for me and they do an excellent job of presenting me with the
facts that keep me up-to-date on everything that's going on at
MJJ Productions so that I can know the options and make the
decisions. As far as my creativity is concerned, that's my domain
and I enjoy that aspect of my life as much or more than any
other.
I think I have a goody-goody image in the press and I hate that,
but it's hard to fight because I don't normally talk about
myself. I am a shy person. It's true. I don't like giving
interviews or appearing on talk shows. When Doubleday approached
me about doing this book, I was interested in being able to talk
about how I feel in a book that would be mine - my words and my
voice. I hope it will clear up some misconceptions.
Everybody has many facets to them and I'm no different. When I'm
in public, I often feel shy and reserved. Obviously, I feel
differently away from the glare of cameras and staring people. My
friends, my close associates, know there's another Michael that I
find it difficult to present in the outlandish "public"
situations I often find myself in.
It's different when I'm onstage, however. When I perform, I lose
myself. I'm in total control of that stage. I don't think about
anything. I know what I want to do from the moment I step out
there and I love every minute of it. I'm actually relaxed
onstage. Totally relaxed. It's nice. I feel relaxed in the studio
too. I know whether something feels right. If it doesn't, I know
how to fix it. Everything has to be in place and if it is you
feel good, you feel fulfilled. People used to underestimate my
ability as a songwriter. They didn't think of me as a songwriter,
so when I started coming up with songs, they'd look at me like:
"Who really wrote that?" I don't know what they must
have thought - that I had someone back in the garage who was
writing them for me? But time cleared up those misconceptions.
You always have to prove yourself to people and so many of them
don't want to believe. I've heard tales of Walt Disney going from
studio to studio when he first started out, trying to sell his
work unsuccessfully and being turned down. When he was finally
given a chance, everyone thought he was the greatest thing that
ever happened.
Sometimes when you're treated unfairly it makes you stronger and
more determined. Slavery was a terrible thing, but when black
people in America finally got out from under that crushing
system, they were stronger . They knew what it was to have your
spirit crippled by people who are controlling your life. They
were never going to let that happen again. I admire that kind of
strength. People who have it take a stand and put their blood and
soul into what they believe.
People often ask me what I'm like. I hope this book will answer
some of those questions, but these things might help too. My
favorite music is an eclectic mix. For example, I love classical
music. I'm crazy about Debussy. Prelude to the Afternoon of a
Faun and Clair de Lune . And Prokofiev. I could listen to Peter
and the Wolf over and over and over again. Copland is one of my
all-time favorite composers. You can recognize his distinctive
brass sounds right away. Billy the Kid is fabulous. I listen to a
lot of Tchaikovsky. The Nutcracker Suite is a favorite. I have a
large collection of show tunes also - Irving Berlin, Johnny
Mercer, Lerner and Loewe, Harold Arlen, Rodgers and Hammerstein,
and the great Holland-Dozier-Holland. I really admire those guys.
I like Mexican food very much. I'm a vegetarian, so fortunately
fresh fruits and vegetables are a favorite of mine.
I love toys and gadgets. I like to see the latest things
manufacturers have come out with. If there's something really
wonderful, I'll buy one.
I'm crazy about monkeys, especially chimps. My chimp Bubbles is a
constant delight. I really enjoy taking him with me on trips or
excursions. He's a wonderful distraction and a great pet.
I love Elizabeth Taylor. I'm inspired by her bravery. She has
been through so much and she is a survivor. That lady has been
through a lot and she's walked out of it on two feet. I identify
with her very strongly because of our experiences as child stars.
When we first started talking on the phone, she told me she felt
as if she had known me for years. I felt the same way.
Katharine Hepburn is a dear friend too. I was afraid to meet her
at first. We talked for a while when I first arrived for a stay
on the set of On Golden Pond , where I was Jane Fonda's guest.
She invited me to have dinner with her the next night. I felt
very fortunate. Since then, we have visited one another and
remained close. Remember, it was Katharine Hepburn who got me to
remove my sunglasses at the Grammy Awards. She's a big influence
on me. She's another strong person and a private person.
I believe performers should try to be strong as an example to
their audiences. It's staggering what a person can do if they
only try. If you're under pressure, play off that pressure and
use it to advantage and make whatever you're doing better.
Performers owe it to people to be strong and fair.
Often in the past performers have been tragic figures. A lot of
the truly great people have suffered or died because of pressure
and drugs, especially liquor. It's so sad. You feel cheated as a
fan that you didn't get to watch them evolve as they grew older.
One can't help wondering what performances Marilyn Monroe would
have put in or what Jimi Hendrix might have done in the 1980s.
A lot of celebrities say they don't want their children to go
into show business. I can understand their feelings, but I don't
agree with them. If I had a son or daughter, I'd say, "By
all means, be my guest. Step right in there. If you want to do
it, do it."
To me, nothing is more important than making people happy, giving
them a release from their problems and worries, helping to
lighten their load. I want them to walk away from a performance
I've done, saying, "That was great. I want to go back again.
I had a great time." To me, that's what it's all about.
That's wonderful. That's why I don't understand when some
celebrities say they don't want their kids in the business.
I think they say that because they've been hurt themselves. I can
understand that. I've been there too.
-Michael Jackson
Encino, California
1988
What one wishes is to be touched by truth and to be able to
interpret that truth so that one may use what one is feeling and
experiencing, be it despair or joy, in a way that will add
meaning to one's life and will hopefully touch others as well.
This is art in its highest form. Those moments of enlightenment
are what I continue to live for.
-Michael Jackson
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Transcribed by Graham Woodyatt, 1995
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Edited by Alexander Roepcke (ARpcke@aol.com), 1997
By courtesy of Graham Woodyatt, 1997
http://www.oocities.org/Hollywood/7273/