* Past *

Everything, good or bad, is just worthless. Today I lost the most precious person, besides my mother, I've ever known since my life began 26 years ago. I can't describe the pain and emptiness I feel inside of me although my father will stay forever deep in my heart and in my daily thoughts. I can't imagine or believe, that I will never see him again. I don't understand why this happened right now and not far in the future, because it was not his time to go now. He was so full of energy, had so many ideas and plans for the future... Life is definitely not fair and there's no justice at all!!! You can beg and pray again and again and nobody is listening to you. It was always hard for me to express my feelings towards my father and I realize, that I said or did many things, that were stupid and wrong. I wish he could hear me now and that he could see and feel how much I love him. I will never accept that he left me and my mother now even if it was not anymore in his will and power. I miss him and I need him. He can't leave me alone now. I can never be happy again like I used to be, because I can't live my own life without him at my side. One part of me died together with him. He was the best Dad I could ever have in my life and I hope he knew that. I will never forget any moment, that I can still remember, when he was there for me. I regret, that it could have been more time together.

"I love you and I wish there was a way I could talk to you and you would understand what I say." "I hope you heard every single word I said at the hospital." "I know I was sometimes difficult and stubborn but it never meant that I loved you less." "If I had one wish, I'd wish you'd come back, I would give up everything that seemed important to me just to have you back again." "But I am a realist like you and I know it's not possible for you to come back, so I wish at least you could hear me when I say something and give me a sign." Please...

Jessie

This page is hosted by Get your own Free HOMEPAGE