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(c) Ian Hammond 1999
All rights reserved

NotBeatles

After a year and half of Hotel Food it had to happen: what goes on,
must come off. When I got back from my trip and found that my two you
can trust us seventeen year olds had spent my absence pigging out at
Macca's (NotPaul) it was official: Health Food Time.

Inspired by this new resolve I spent the day as an exemplary parent
washing clothes and dishes, doing the floors and yelling at the kids
until they cleaned their rooms. Then we all went shopping Big Time
with Susanne. The best thing we found on our quest was this new (to
me) vegetarian stuff called NotBacon and NotChicken. Cathy, the
check out person, asked me what the NotBacon tasted like and I told I
did NotKnow. Which is what started this all.

Exhausted by all this Good Citizen stuff and unable to compensate with
a junk food binge, my NotWife and I hit the NotAlbum Stores, and there
they were: three NotBeatle NotAlbums I had (not) been looking for.
Paul's Standing Stone, Ringo's Vertical Man and Sean's Into The
Sun. Only Julian's album was NotThere (nor was it any of the other
stores). Here are my impressions of Ringo's album.

Vertical Man
Like most other sensible human beings, I'm fond of Richard Starkey and
I know, as he does, that he's a NotSinger. Ringo has put together an
identifiable post-Beatles style that these songs, mostly written by
Starkey/Hudson/Grakal/Dudas, adhere to and extend.

The songs are peppered with Beatle references including guest
appearances of Paul, George, Sir George. Many tracks seem to choose
the same multiple acoustic guitars and beat of Free As A Bird.

The NotAlbum liner notes were NotDecipherable without my special 2.5
magnifiction NotAlbum glasses, but once read turned out to be very
informative. 

One -- A up-tempo C&W thing with a Ringo style vocal backing.
A good album opener but NotMyCupOfTea.

What In The World with Paul on Bass and backing vocals -- one of
those JohnSongs like Julian's Saltwater and Sean's Home. It does
have that Ringo yearning quality, but it's all a little overwrought
for me. A critical edit required for his unaccompanied line in a
world without you. McCartney works hard on the backing vocals.
NotDecided.

Minefield with Alanis on backing vocals -- An energetic, ambitious
song that starts with a riff like Needles And Pins and phased vocal.
An interesting structure. The last  (shortened) verse follows a
reference to a guru with a few bashs on a tabla and a cosmic giggle.
A very Kinks coda voice. The outro ends with someone goon-stepping
lightly until... BOOM! NotMuch of Alanis can be heard. I think I like
it. NotYourTypicalRingoSong.

King Of Broken Hearts with George Harrison on Slide -- Slower piece
with a similar mood to the lovely song McCartney wrote for Ringo
("Six O'clock"). Touches of Photograph. Time to light candles and
sway in the crowd. Good little bridge leading into a slide solo by my
favorite guitar player in Free As A Bird mode who's fills embroider
the piece. Vintage Ringo; he's come a long way since the calamari
song. NotASongYouWillForget.

Love Me Do -- Mister Starr does this in his own inimitable dumbo
beat that he developed on the Ringo album. Heavy-handed NotSubtle
NotIntelligent rock. But they do demonstrate all the things that the
Beatles were smart to NotDo on the original version. Up an octave next
time Ringo. Adds nothing but will be useful at the live shows.
NotToBeListenedToAgainOnPainOfDeath.

Vertical Man -- Lennon time: plonked piano triads, glissando cellos,
augmented chords and even a touch of the scuffed drums I'm always
waiting for (as in aching). A long coda. Could have been better with
more contrast. Some great ideas but NotThisTime.

Drift Away with Tom Petty and Alanis Morrisette -- a remake of a
song we just happened to hear in the supermarket while taking turns
choosing flavors of yoghurt (is this the meaning of life?). Mr Starr
lets Tom Petty sing on this track, and I thought of The Weight, what
with the organ and all. Then she starts singing (I'm a serious fan).
But they really stuff up the ending. Self indulgent. NotSeriouslyGuys.

I Was Walkin' -- Dumbo Rock time again. Bits of the Randy Newman
song from the Ringo album. Alanis and Macca on the girly backings. A
Walrus-like noise break in the middle with alarm clocks and Monty
Python it's six o'clock screeching. Steve Cropper's solo is just
fine but the song is NotMemorable.

La De Da -- The single starts off better than most things on the
NotAlbum. A bit like that dancer track from Ringo. Yes, the chorus
is very catchy. Each time they sing it. Every time they sing it. And
sing it. And sing it. A cast of millions on this track, cited as NOT
the Village People Singers, which consists of all the friends and
rellies. Well, just like Doris Day said: NotOnMyTurntable.

[Oh my God, I found myself humming along absent-mindedly to La De Da
on a second listening. Bloody yoghurt. NotDeniable.]

Without Understanding with Brian Wilson on backing vocals -- a
tamboura and soprano intro to Ringo's album signature: true love is
only possible with understanding (as in love, peace and...). Ringo
Starr in Anthem mode. The indian motif and bits of Good Vibrations
are interwoven throughout the song, including a take-off of the quasi
Indian solo in Taxman and bits of James Bond. This is intelligent
interesting music from the same vein as Minefield.

The soprano returns at the end of solo with good vibrations and Brian
Wilson and Ringo [!!!] intoning NotIndian vocal ornaments. And if the
world stops turning, how will we know asks the singer portentously.
That's easy: we all stop being seasick (with thanks to Zeno or someone
like that). NotAllThatBad.

I really don't quite get it. This Indian influence seems to be
permanent. I think of Dead Man Walking. I think of Alanis's
Uninvited which also combined the sitar and tabla with a fragment of
the Bond motif. And now Ringo Starr, plus Opera Singer. NotSurreal.

I'll Be Fine Anywhere -- My goodness, A ROCKER. Swing-a-ling
ding-a-ling rock. This is a nineties version of a seventies imitation
of a fifties bop bop rocker. Ringo's voice is starting to get horse
[sic]. A big spoken ending with reference to Jerry Lee. You could use
this one at a rock 'n' roll dancing competition. Completely
professional, very slick song that, well, um...
NotKnowingWhatToSayAboutThisOne.

Puppet -- Hey! Here's the Filler Track. Starts okay, but it's all
over by don't tell me rome was built in a day, no way. Builds up to
a big Blonde-On-Blonde chorus. NotFinishedBeingListenedToSoFar.

I'm Yours with Sir George on Orchestra (the Knighthood solves the
old problem of discriminating George the Sage Whitehaired One from
George the Sage Slidey One) -- this is the best thing on the NotAlbum.
Simple, with lots of space and that Moon River/Clouds lilt. It
reminds Susanne of Good Night ('cos I got her to listen to this
track). I'll even forgive a wee bit of corn in the last verse: I
should write something as direct and simple to my own NotWife. Ringo
is at his best when he's NotTrying too hard. Sir George is just as
direct and simple. NotToBeMissed.

So there it is, Ringo's shot in this late nineties revival. Have I
been NotKind? It must the affect of all this muesli. I was going to
review Into The Sun here as well, but there's NotTime and NotSpace.
Maybe when I'm feeling a bit more carnivorous, and a bit less NotKind.