12/27/00

I can't fucking belive it. Still.

So yeah, after working at a particularly meaningless job (labeling bath products that smelled, and getting a couple bottles of the stuff all over me) I figure a night out is a good idea, right? Sure! So what to do... well, some Christmas shopping, and a night out at our favourite out of town hard rock-ish bar which goes by the name of the Kingdom.

Well, I got prepared for the bar before hand, so I'm strolling around the mall with a friend of mine with some makeup streaming down my face, my big studded dog collar, and of course, big red horns poking out of the sides of my forehead. I kept turning to my friend going, "What the hell... everyone's staring at you!" It was so funny. Then after that we picked up a couple other people and headed off into the night/highway. Well, coming down an off ramp we come to a stop at an intersection. I'm driving. So, I casually pull through as only a minivan can, and then the epiphany of the night happens.

That's where I casually get my ass SIDESWIPED by an impudent little Neon that's going near 60 through a very very very red light and, of course, is packed full of hair products and the greasy cocksuckers attached to them! I swerved out of the way, but still got hit, and in combination with the collision and the swerving my van ended up shifted 180 degrees from it's original angle. Now, from what I keep being told, no one in the car has ever seen anyone as scary or angry as I was when that happened. Before the car even came to a stop, I undid my seat belt and started yelling, tore out of the seat and flew around the front of the van.

I can only imagine how the shitheads in the other car felt, some fucked up looking dude with damned horns charging out of the vehicle they just pummeled angrier than anything they've ever seen. And normally I'm known among my friends as someone who's gifted in all aspects of the craft or anger, so it's nothing new... but they were scared. I was even screaming at my mom when I used a friends phone to call her up and tell her what happened.
A car pulled up beside me and was dragging something. He was staring at me as I walked up to his window, and I had to knock on it before he opened it. I just looked at him and said very plainly, "Is that a part of my car under your car?" to which he responded, "Uhm... yes?" It was actually the other guys license plate/bumper. The other guys were decidedly reluctant to call the cops, it being completely their fault, but after a little prodding I made it so while we called for someone to change the tire and I called my mom. This all just happened to happen on the coldest day of the year too, so when the tire guy came we had to get out, and it was the coldest 20 minutes of my life.

Then we got rolling, because at that point... I needed a fucking beer.

I believe one of the things I was screaming was, "I DON'T FUCKING NEED THIS!!"

Too bad it wasn't true.

It was exactly what I needed. I blew off more steam that night than I had thought possible to blow off. I suppose an inhuman rage now and then is truly good for you...

However.

That's not to say it's needed all the time. And that's not to say you're allowed to do the same thing. Not at me, anyhow.

I've taken a lot of shit from everyone. I have, I still do, and I will continue to, most likely.

It's a sad fact that people seem to dwell on such negative things. It's a sad fact that people everywhere, including me, are very very stupid animals.

We are concerned with the wrong things... which in itself isn't the problem... what is is that we dwell on them.

I blew up for all the right reasons. I was handling my own concerns fine... the problem was everyone elses 'unresolvable dilemnas' which I was expected to solve with a shrug and a wink... even though half the time you don't want to listen to me because my solutions are 'tough'.

Well how about this? Fuck you. I'll be back soon. The regular page will be back soon...

But don't take that as an invitation to try to bog me down with your simple bullshit. Keep trying. Keep trying to solve your own problems... the payoff is great... don't give up on it.

Self-sufficience *really* isn't that scary. Give it a try, you'll get hooked.
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