For So Long.

For so long
for so long I knew in every part of me.
Every part of me told me that you were better than anything...
every yelling, screaming part of me said that.

And I wanted it to last for so much longer
that feeling
that knowing
that indeed, you were better than anything.
But you had to go and suffocate it, didn't you?
You squeezed the life out of it,
but wouldn't squeeze any into me at all.

And I don't know exactly why...
hell, I'd give a lot of things to have a general idea of why it was
that you couldn't let things be perfect
and wash me away in a sea of loveliness.

There wasn't ever a cloud in the sky
but there sure was some kind of of a haze, wasn't there?

For so long I knew, I knew it!
I thought and knew,
that you were actually human.
A wonderful, caring, fantastic human who far out-human-ed myself.
A person who's huge heart dwarfed my own...
but was it me all along? Was I the one I was looking for?
Did I see you as I should be seeing me?

Why was it always you?
I always told you everything... I always could tell you everything.
And you praised me for it... why?
Could honesty be back in style? Could loving and caring be hip?
Are you really, really brainwashed like me
or just brainwashed like you?

I wish it didn't have to happen like that.
I wish I didn't have to find out
that some things are better.
That some things like faithful dogs, punk rock and really good chicken soft tacos
are actually
better
than you.
Because for all the faith you gave me back over the years
I wonder if I haven't lost it all right back again.
And I wonder if this time it isn't permanent.

But I can always look back, I suppose.
To those fancy and free days, which seem so long ago
when I hung on your every word
when I made sure to boost your esteem every single second I could
and when you made me love you over and over again.
Yes, I can always look back
to when you were better than anything.