What a bullfuck of a bullshit of an EAT MY ASSHOLE OUT of a day. This is the last time I'm going over what happened today, I've explained it enough. I started work, what... yesterday? Yeah, went up to the employment office with Murray, who was to be my boss. I asked him for the fifth and final time... "Now you're sure that it doesn't matter that I didn't go to school last year, right?"
"Yeah, it doesn't matter." is what he tells me in return, again. Okay, fine, I go into the office. See, my job is government sponsored, so I had to apply through a government office. It's a government sponsored student summer job at that. I go into the office, I sign the papers. I check off the box that says, "no, I was not a full time student this past year". It could have been so easy, they never check this shit... I could have checked off the other box, the box that said I was a student. I still have my student card from Windsor, and there's no date on the thing so they'd never be able to tell. But I left, feeling satisfied that I didn't have to lie on a form to get the job I wanted.
Enter today. I took the theatre van home from work yesterday, I brought it back to work today, getting there before Murray (the stereo stopped working in the van that morning and I also had a FUCK of a time at the bank with this old bitch as I was trying to get my residence money order, which they couldn't give me for 'processing reasons', and is going to be even LATER now, I'm not getting into residence, it's all fucking over for me this year). Well, Murray wanders in today around 1:00 and tells me he has some bad news. I think you can guess what it is.
"Oh, uh... we can't hire you after all."
Um, excuse me? What? You've been telling me for months to keep my summer open and you can't fucking hire me?! But yelling and being profane normally gets me nowhere, so I shut up and try to be calm and rational on the outside, while on the inside everything's fucking crashing into everything else and I feel like screaming and crying and breaking everything in sight. He explains that he got it wrong, and yeah, I did have to be in school. I calmly mention how I asked him about that multiple times to make sure. He says they have to hire other people now, but 'acknowledges' my situation and informs me that he wants to keep me on for a couple of weeks at least, and then again when camp begins.
Now at this time in the year, all the college and university students are back in town and have been for some time, and they've got their own resumes everywhere. There are no jobs for a weird looking fuck like me who's bad at interviews. Not when the job market is flooded with other prissy and groomed bastards who aren't afraid of being social in an unfamiliar environment.
So by Murrays 'generous' offer, I've got a couple weeks of work that may even be at sub-minimum wage, like the work I did for March Break camp, and who knows what he means by 'a couple of weeks'. And then I have when camp starts and that's fine... but what about in between? And what about now? I've got fucking bills flying out my ass which I've carefully timed to co-incide with what was my upcoming 'payweek' and now I'm fucked. Bravo Murray, fucking bravo.
Of course, I don't understand how there's not money to pay me, when the theatre used to employ a part time office manager and a full time general manager who would never settle for minimum wage. But hey, that's just me. And it's not like it was an ongoing thing, those people had to be cut because we missed a couple of months of bingos, and we're hitting them all now. Tell me there isn't enough for me to live on. Just try telling me that, Murray.
So anyhow, I've got Catherine on my side with this, her being head of camp. She's going to make a big push that Murray just fucking PAY ME out of the regular theatre funds until the summer camp money machine starts up. You fucking find out who your friend are in situations like this, and Catherine's definitely coming out on top of this one. Fucking money. If I didn't have such big plans for this summer I could still maintain being footloose, as well as both fancy AND care free. And you know, they don't even seem like big plans. A sound card to end the streak I've had with the one I have that's been busted since last summer, some clippers to shave my head as I please and whenever I feel low... and I was hoping to finally buy a car combining the $800 I should get back from taxes and some of the scratch I was to have made in the summer.
The biggest plan in the bunch is escaping to BC for a (too short) week before going back to school. Part of me, a fucking big part lately, really really hopes I hit it off there and just never come back. A fucking huge part of me wants that. Because it'll feel like running away, but it won't be. It'll be starting over, and that I think I can handle. But today... today's been too much. Today gave me tremors. I didn't understand why I was shaking at first, but by the time I was done 'work', and went to work on the set for the show at school, I finally figured it out. Fucking tremors? How do you like that? For a couple of hours I just thought I was cold or somethign. Yeah, cold in 25 degree weather with jeans, a long sleeve shirt and a coat. Pretty smart Johnny Boy.
There's no damn aspirin in this place. I keep putting it on the fucking grocery list to hear my dad ask, "Aspirin? Something wrong with you?" and I try to explain as nicely as I can... "I just get headaches sometimes", and his answer/question is, "You know why?" And how can I say... "well yes, actually. It's you." I can't. So I just say, "I just get headaches sometimes." His response? "Well you should get that checked out." I just keep telling myself... "he's going back to work before the end of the month... he's going back to work before the end of the month..." And as well, I'm stuck eating peanut butter sandwiches all the time. That or cheese and crackers. Why does he even have a fucking grocery list at all?! Yeah, I know, go get your own damn aspirin. Well I think I'm going to have to. At first I thought, "God, I can't spend any more money!" but what the fuck, right? I bought myself Taco Bell yesterday(God that seems to far away) for a treat, I should be able to spare another $4 for a big bottle of ASA.
I've about had it with Boots. She said she'd call me on Sunday and hasn't yet. She seems to 'forget' about me for periods of time. Well fuck her, this time I'm not about to 'remind' her. I deserve a bit better than bullshit from a fucking blonde. I just can't believe people sometimes. I think I've got her quote in mind when she appears on the ex page... "I don't like any guys, but I like you." See, I like to use quotes that are the most ironic, bullshittingest thing they've said to me. Yeah, you like me lots, don't you? Fuck. Another blow to my stupid ego. And right when I feel the tremendous need to break down and cry in someones arms, you know? Fuck that'd be the ultimate right now. To just bawl it out in the arms of some loving, soft, tender, caring female. Loving, soft, tender, female? Fuck, this isn't time for science fiction, what am I talking about?
But really... damn it'd be nice.
So what now? Do I get to go to school? If I do, where the hell do I live? Is there any possibility I can make rent for the month? Will my dad going back to work actually provide me any relief? Will my computer ever run for a consecutive half hour without something going wrong, making me restart? When am I going to be able to get some money for rogaine? Is this new breakout of superzits actually cancer? Will the pain in my chest stop? Will it stop only to kill me? Can I be the person I was again?
It seems like a forever away to find out, and over all, I give my sanity a rating of E+, on a scale from A-F.
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