Mar 25th:
In simplification lies genuis. Complication breeds only miscommunication and misery. Example:
'To be loved you have to be *nice* to people... EVERY DAY! But to be hated, you don't gotta do SQUAT!' - Homer Simpson, simple genuis.
Mar 6th:
Ehhhh! Make me a pizza! Ehhh!
Feb 23rd:
"Punk rock said the man (ping pong baby!)"
Will there ever be anything better than the Globetrotters episode of Futurama? Fuck, I've really come to doubt it. I mean come on:
Fry - "Ooooh, ooooh, put me in the game... I want to show Leela my skills!"
Professor - "Will said skills pay the bills?"
Now *THAT'S* comedy!!
Jan 16th:
And *you* can guess who that's for.
Jan. 8th:
Dec. 30th:
Dec. 17th:
Dec. 8th:
"God... please give her some kind of yeast infection or something? Just so she can know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt..."
Dec. 3rd:
Nov. 28th:
Nov. 4th:
Girls are like angry retards with complications and rabies.
There's nothing scarier or fiercer than an angry fat chick who swears she's right.
Girls and gay guys just aren't ever that funny.
Girls seem to be in an ongoing competition with each other to see who can reach and stay at the highest level of madness first and for the longest period of time. That's the only fucking possibility.
"And still they go, like sheep to the moon!"
And my favourite:
Oct 17th:
Peanut butter and jam sandwiches are good in moderation, but terrible all at once. Will I never learn this?!
Oct 14th:
Sept 27th:
Sept 18th:
Sept 17th:
Sept 1st:
August 8th, 7:00am:
9:08pm:
August 6th:
-Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc. 1989
August 5th:
August 2nd:
July 18th:
So how you feeling?
July 9th:
June 22nd:
You know what the 'challenge' part of the 'Pepsi Challenge' is? Keeping that crap down without puking.
June 11th:
Dido is hot, that much is obvious. But have you seen her smile? It's downright intoxicating...
June 6th:
The producers on U8TV are way too stuck up and prissy.
June 4th:
"Sweet Loretta Martin thought she was a woman, but she was another man...
June 2nd:
"Wolves... night... moon... shoes!"
"Women can kill, poon-tang's expensive."
May 31st:
May 28th:
"I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks." Don't tell me that's not genuis.
Yeah, I'll admit it. When I get overly pissy, depressed or angry, I get hungry. It only bothers me because one day my 21 year old metabolism is going to slow down and I am going to be one FAT FAT FAT bastard.
May 27th:
May 25th:
Back.
Which one of these sounds better?:
You're a much better judge of stupidity than you are of character because at least you have a lot of stupidity within you.
OR
???
haha, you want a laugh? Download *anyone* interviewing Ryan Phillipe. If that pretentious voice and laugh don't get you a-rollin', his advanced state of nobility and maturity are sure to. Wow, you're such a barrel o' fun, Ry'.
My pulse quickens and pounds because You are the source of my rage. How can you be the source of both my affection and my hatred? My anger and delight? Sometimes things are very much not fair, and sometimes I can't wait to get back to North Bay, where everyone is taken, and things are slower and less complicated.
I also wish I could tell you all about it. I wish I could tell someone, anyone, all about it, without being interrupted, or without being given the old tried and true sour face. But you just won't give me that chance.
Perfect.
"That toilet's running like a motherfucker."
"Yeah... I'm going to go put something in it."
Fuck... classic moments in stupidity rise again.
Wow, yesterday was certainly a day for new terms from my psych teacher:
"PROFOUNDLY retarded." - worse than being regularly retarded, I guess.
"Executive monkey." - an actual experiment, but I think I like the idea of calling people 'executive monkey' anyhow.
"Learned helplessness" - a term I learned which goes along with ther reinforcement, punishment and reward chapter we're in. I know a couple people with this condition.
I'm making up a new term here. It goes along with 'high school stupid' in a way. The term is, 'mentally deformed'. It makes sense to me... and differs from 'mentally retarded' in a number of ways which I don't wish to go into presently. So yeah... eat shit!! hahahahaha.
Note to self: the best way to cheer a person up is not always by saying; 'at least you don't have cancer'. Sometimes they actually do.
Oh, I've got a couple stored up:
Talking to girls is like playing a really bad mixture of chess and russian roulette, with a lot of emphasis on the second. Fuck, at least I watched Beetlejuice today.
So from the files of 'things I didn't think I'd hear out of teacher's mouth when I woke up this morning' comes this little gem: "...the problem with removing testicles is..." Yeah, that was uh... weird.
Win Ben Stein's Money is the best fucking show. Next to Futurama, of course, but that never seems to come on here.
"Man, they're like... big black chickens!"
"(Hmn... black chickens, eh?) ...BLAAAACK CHICKENS! BLAAACK RAINBOWWWS! RARRR!"
(laughter, laughter)
Sometimes I really miss Brantford.
I watch all day to catch a glimpse of beauty.
Fucking hell, do I ever pity that poor bastard! And not for the reasons you'd think, ugly.
I want a girl whos shoes can cut any rug she sees to itty bitty pieces. Short skirt as well, but long jacket optional.
I think I just realized what all my chest pains are.
They're just my heart finally starting to realize that it's already dead.
"Hey, I'd like a $10 phone card please."
"That'll be $11.75."
"Huh?"
"Computer games doesn't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around
darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."
'Mary, Heart Attacks and You.' Fuck do I ever love that.
"Speaking of parents being retarded, who does your
dad think he is? Jerry Springer? He gives you
food and then pisses you off. That's like giving
a person a gun and then running at them with a
knife. Why?"
Why, thank you Janelle. I liked that quite a bit.
How fucking cold do you have to be? No really, how FUCKING COLD do you have to be to act like that towards me you heartless goddamn bitch?! After all that? After everything?! There's gotta be something seriously, seriously wrong with you that just can't be fixed for you to act like that, there really has to be.
Ohh, pretty violent.
Why's that?
People are stupid and make me very angry.
I hear you bro, anyone in particular?
LOTS of people in particular, in fact.
Fuck, sorry dude. But hey... I'm not going to chastize you or make stupid suggestions, okay?
Damn, you're a fucking lifesaver. Seriously. I actually feel better already, in fact. Thank you.
Anytime man, you're welcome.
'Everybody knows I'm on a crying jag, I'm gonna cry until I'm all cried out... I could show you, I could easily show you.'
Mmm, women in music are yummy.
No, *I* didn't forget to put the toilet seat down... you did, idiot. You're the one with the wet ass.
Going to a punk show makes you punk like going to a garage makes you a car. Don't like? How about this: buying a punk album makes you punk like buying a wrench makes you a mechanic.
Women: Just give it up, admit you're crazy. Seriously now.
True love is offering, swallowing, cleaning up, and then going to the store to bring back a bag of chips and a cigar afterwards.
All the girls around her said she's got it comin', but she gets it while she can.
Get back... get back... get back to where you once belonged."
B cups are alright, blondes are not.
Why is everyone I know a big, vacuous whore? Whatthefuck.
Help me start a rumor: "pregnant chicks give the best head". Seriously, help me out here.
It's a mathematical and scientific fact that the shorter a girls hair gets the more attractive she becomes.
Don't trust anyone who doesn't like the Beatles.