Lollipop Cigarette Butts And Clitorises

LOLLIPOPS CIGARETTE BUTTS AND CLITORISES Lyrics and Music: ASSMAN

     It's sometime in 1993. I had just finished buying a few groceries at Overwaitea and had them in the back seat of my Skoda.
     "Hi Alex!" I heard before I could get into the car. Lisette ran up to me and gave me one of those big hugs that she always had ready.
     "Well, hello," I said, hugging back with only about half the force, "long time no see. I guess you didn't feel like giving me that phone call you promised four months ago."
     "I'm sorry, I've just been so busy, but HEY, you wanna go get a coffee at Pedro's so we can catch up?"
     "Hey, why not," I responded, "I'm in no rush, and it's always good to see you."

     It was very good luck that Lisette and I saw each other that day, for had we not, one of Sid Died For Squids most popular songs, "Lollipops Cigarette Butts And Clitorises", would not exist. After all the obligatory how-are-you-doing chit chat, the conversation turned to my song writing. These were the post Castrated Turnip and pre-SDFS days. Lisette wanted to know how I went about writing songs, whether I wrote lyrics first, or music, or whatever. Eventually, she gave me a challenge. She would provide a song title to me, and I would write a song with that title. I thought that would be cool so I accepted the challenge.
     That evening I sat at home, thinking about this strange title. Lollipops, cigarette butts and clitorises. I didn't want the song to be exclusively about these three seemingly unrelated things. Lollipops, cigarette butts and clitorises. They had to have something in common. Lollipops, cigarette butts and clitorises. LOLLIPOPS, CIGARETTE BUTTS AND CLITORISES. After about an hour, it suddenly hit me. Life sucks. It can really bring you down. When life sucks, just think of the things you like to suck, like lollipops, cigarette butts and clitorises, and everything will be alright. A little far-fetched, maybe, but it worked.
     That night, I wrote all the lyrics and came up with the music. On my four track I recorded the bass line, my vocals and a drum machine track. Early the next afternoon, I called up Daniel Kearly, and he came over and I recorded him playing the guitar part. Complete song in one day. I got together with Lisette that following evening, and played her the end result. Well, I think she was impressed. I guess you'd really have to ask her, wouldn't you.
     Right from the beginning, LCBAC was a part of the SDFS set. It has been performed live at every show that we have done. I even sang a special Lollipops, Cigarette Butts And Thesauruses version at a high school dance. I had always envisioned a female singing background vocals on the song, replacing the word "clitorises" with "penises." When it came time to record the CD, Sylvia Van der Haven provided those vocals. She even performed those vocals live a couple of times in Gigi's Pub in Terrace. The little switch in the last chorus, where I sing "penises" while the female sings "clitorises" I added to frighten the homophobes. It is pretty effective.
     Incidentally, for the longest time, I didn't know if the plural of clitoris really is clitorises. Most dictionaries do not contain a plural for the words. I finally found one that did. Believe it or not, the Official Scrabble Dictionary says that the plural of clitoris is clitorises or clitorides.

Oh how life changes from the days of our youth Naive and innocent unaware of the truth But years one day catch up to us, we're burdened by jobs and bills High taxes and bad governments, take rolaids and stress pills

Yeah, life stinks, I admit it's true, But I don't give a fuck When I'm down I like to think of things I like to suck Lollipops, cigarette butts and clitorises Feel so good on my lips I like to suck them as I hold them between my finger tips

Environment is in shambles, bad air in every breath Smoke too much, get lung cancer, die a painful death But if you don't, does it matter, as you stand out in the sun Without an ozone, skin falls off, now doesn't that sound fun

Now you've heard me sing this song about our plight If you believe in what I say then don't give up the fight Look at the things that you have got though they may all be useless If there's something there you can suck then your life can't be worthless

Yeah life stinks, I admit it's true, I still don't give a fuck Even when Lisette won't phone there's still things I can suck Lollipops, cigarette butts and clitorises Feel so good on my lips I like to suck them as I hold them between my finger tips

Lollipops, cigarette butts and penises Feel so good on my lips I like to suck them as I hold them between my finger tips

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© 1998 Assman
The graphic on this page is a composite of other graphics found on the internet, some of which have been modified.

Last Modified August 13, 1998